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Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

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stucknoue · 01/06/2019 07:48

Best wishes for the 4th!

Things are moving for me too on the job front, it's really long term plans (bizarrely for September 2020) but it takes a long time then a 2-3 year masters (paid). Everyone is so understanding too and are finding me some extra work in the interim on top, I've realised just how different my world is to the corporate one

Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 08:21

That's great to hear @stucknoue !!

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Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 09:07

Urgh he just picked the kids up. I hate him I hate him I hate him.

Just makes me feel like shit. He swans in with all his new designer clothes and his new trendy hair cut in the car where someone else has obviously been sitting in ‘my’ seat, being Uber dad.

I felt good when I woke up and now I feel shit.

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madroid · 01/06/2019 09:10

Just read your thread Simon. You really rock! It's amazing to read how you've picked yourself up and made such great strides in such a short time. It's genuinely impressive.

One suggestion, have you thought about interaction with the great I Am via email only? Also doing handovers out of the house? That way you keep him at a distance and separate to your life. It might help avoid him derailing you EOW and also be good for your dc?

Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 09:15

I had thought about pick ups else where but it's not very practical. He lives miles away now and I'd have to drag all the kids stuff.

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madroid · 01/06/2019 09:28

Maybe he could just come to the door? Not actually let him in?

I'm sorry, but he's not an Uber dad, just a selfish prick who's putting himself before his children and is oblivious to the pain he's causing.

Try not to compare your lives. That way madness lies. Focus on you and the amazing progress you've made. What are you doing today?

Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 09:31

Thank you. I know I shouldn't compare lives and stuff but it seems he's having a lovely old time while going through hell.

I'm helping my friend move this morning then going out with another friend later on.

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Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 09:32

*while I'm that should say.

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badfurday · 01/06/2019 10:43

But that's what he wants you to think. I guarantee he has moments where he feels like a complete shit, but he'd never let on to you.

You are doing amazing!

Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 10:53

Thank you! I did think he looked greyer than I remembered so maybe you are right!!

My friend just sent me a link to the midlife crisis/cheaters script! All sounds very familiar!!

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Nanna50 · 01/06/2019 11:28

It's unbelievable how many men walk away from marriages without a backward glance and move on leaving devastation behind them. A wife and children distraught struggling through the aftermath. I'm amazed how many women pull through, I really am.

I like the honesty in your posts OP and wish you all the strength you can gather from your friends, family and inner self. I am truly sorry you are having to go through this, it is a scary place to be in.

Good luck you are a Star I hope this is somewhere you can rant, rave and rejoice and also reflect on the good and the not so good

Flowers
madroid · 01/06/2019 12:23

Yes we can all put on the happy face and cover up how we are really feeling. But two can play at that game, eh Simon?

It certainly is crazy how that midlife crisis script is so accurate. My friends husband of 25 years came downstairs the day after they'd returned from an anniversary holiday announcing he was leaving.

Turned out there was an OW almost half his age. A couple of years passed. They were supposedly gloriously happy, meanwhile my friend was on the floor. The divorce was nominally fair but he had a v high flying career, while she was a SAHM.

Fast forward 4 years. The OW was pg but had a termination at the now ex-husbands insistence. He didn't want dc mucking up his new found free lifestyle. She is desperate to have dc. The strain is beginning to show and they snipe at each other in public apparently.

The adult dc won't have anything to do with their dad and can't stand the OW.

My friend got a job in a uni, has just graduated and been promoted. Has moved house, lost weight, ran a half marathon and is seeing someone. Her dc visit all the time and they have a great time together. I visited at Xmas and they all seemed so jolly and close and doing well in their lives.

I'd never have believed in that transformation a few years ago but it's funny how things turn out sometimes isn't it OP!

Simonfromharlow · 01/06/2019 15:36

My mum pointed out that knowing what he is like he probably very carefully put his outfit together for my benefit! Haha

I know I will be ok in the end and it will hopefully be the making of me but I've got to get there and that is the bit I don't like haha

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Simonfromharlow · 02/06/2019 18:45

I just realised I haven't cried since Wednesday! Wow!

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PonderingPanda · 02/06/2019 19:47

That's because you're to busy laughing at the twat trying to look young and trendy again.

My XH turned up in designer ripped skinny jeans. I asked him if he wanted my mum to sew the holes up...

PonderingPanda · 02/06/2019 19:48

He's 52yrs old ....and previously always hated ripped jeans...

Simonfromharlow · 02/06/2019 20:00

Haha! Classic!

Maybe. Today when he dropped them off he had a hideous yellow T-shirt on covered in birds. Looked like something the kids section at primark. I almost commented but decided to just smirk to myself haha

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PonderingPanda · 02/06/2019 20:07

You must try and find a picture so we can all piss ourselves admire his young and trendy style...

Simonfromharlow · 02/06/2019 20:20

He was always classic and very stylish. The last few times I've seen him he's trying to be too trendy. Looks pathetic. Classic MLC.

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Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 13:20

Got a new nail varnish and some fake tan yesterday. Spent all evening when kids in bed putting it on and painting my nails. I feel super summery! 😊

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Paddy1234 · 03/06/2019 15:37

Itching better than fake tan and new nails!
Good luck tomorrow!!!

Paddy1234 · 03/06/2019 15:37

#nothing 😂

Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 15:38

Hahaha!

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Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 18:41

Ex h really excelling himself now. Wants me to lie so he can get a divorce quicker. I said I'm not doing it and he needs to give me space and time.

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user1463178569 · 03/06/2019 19:01

Been watching this for few days now. I am in awe of your strength and it is so inspiring to see you taking his demands and just saying 'do one' (maybe not those exact words but you know what I mean). I hope if i ever experience this, I can follow in your footsteps.

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