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Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

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Simonfromharlow · 20/05/2019 09:37

@Paddy1234 I just went to the shop and bought loads of those puzzle books! Something to stop my mind working over time!!

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Paddy1234 · 20/05/2019 20:24

Yeah! They will keep your mind occupied
How has your day been like today? Is your ex doing every other weekend and does he see them during the week at all?

Simonfromharlow · 20/05/2019 20:42

I've had a nice day thank you. I looked after my friends little girl for a couple of hours which was a nice distraction and my youngest adores her!!

Yes he is doing EOW he is living about 30 miles away and works ridiculously long hours in London so doesn't get to see them in between. I will say for him though he would see them more if he could.

I'm glad he can't really as I don't have to see him!

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Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 09:33

Wonder how long it will be until everything he says and does stops upsetting me. I was feeling ok when I woke up this morning.

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Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 10:20

He's onto me about what WE are doing for our sons birthday coming up. I said I am doing xyz what are you doing. Not sure why he thinks it's a joint thing still.

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Clutterbugsmum · 21/05/2019 11:12

He's onto me about what WE are doing for our sons birthday coming up

He still thinks you will do everything as you have always done.

Well done for putting it back in his court as to what he is doing or getting your DS>

Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 11:17

It felt good and bad at the same time!

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Paddy1234 · 21/05/2019 11:54

I suppose that's the same WE that decided to split up.

Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 12:09

Haha yes I think you're probably right!

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Paddy1234 · 21/05/2019 13:44

In the future you may well get to the stage that you can do joint parties. But you may like to explain to him but sorry as the split is so raw it may be best this year for each of you do separate things.
He so wants it easy doesn't he!

Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 16:59

Yes he thinks this was all a joint idea and were both so much happier with it like this. He thinks we're going to be all best mates right from the get go. I don't doubt one day we will have a friendship but not now.

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justilou1 · 21/05/2019 22:04

I just found your thread... he’s neither bright nor sensitive.... what a twit!!! As if you do all the work and let him bask in it (as usual). I hope he understands that he’s not coming!!!

Paddy1234 · 21/05/2019 22:34

With your personality I don't doubt that you will become friends but he needs a dose of reality and squaring up to parenting duties.
Be nice but firm.
💐

Simonfromharlow · 21/05/2019 23:22

I won't be his friend for a long time yet!

Relief re the birthday. He can't get the day off work so I don't have to worry about it this year!

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adviceifyouplease · 21/05/2019 23:45

I've just come across your post. It seems many of us have been through very similar including myself.

You are doing wonderfully considering that your life only changed recently.

I'm a year in now and in someways I've made great progress but other ways I've still a long way to go.

A little advice is , keep talking , if your friends or family are supportive keep leaning on them. It's incredibly lonely having all the thoughts if you don't share them. Keep a diary of your feelings, good, bad, sad, how your day went or how you are or aren't coping, this is very therapeutic and particularly good to clear your mind when it's the middle of the night or you are feeling too low to pop in to a friend for company,

Cry and cry again if you feel it, let it out, a year later and I find the tears still come but I let them.. it's natural,

Another great idea is look on amazon at break up books!
I got a fantastic book called the break up bible by Rachel.A.Sussman.
It helps to understand your feelings in ways you'd never think of. Read the reviews. I really think this book helped me.

Thankyou those that have written divorce advice, I've noted down some of your ideas

Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 08:14

I didn't sleep at all last night. My youngest is ill. I'm so tired. I'm hoping he sleeps today and I can get a nap.

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Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 08:55

So many feelings swirling around today. I almost feel like I've gone back to six weeks ago. Probably partly because I'm tired.

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notapizzaeater · 22/05/2019 09:11

Tiredness brings everything to the front.

Can you have a dvd duvet day today ?

Paddy1234 · 22/05/2019 09:20

Embrace the awful times Simon - you have to have them to to get through. It's simply not normal if you don't. Bed down with cuddles ❤️❤️

stucknoue · 22/05/2019 09:24

At least I'm not the only one who has a h who thinks they can split the family apart but still get the good bits, mine too seems to think we can be good friends and that it's good for me! They are crazy. I'm desperately looking for work so I can kick him out of the spare room

Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 09:32

We're in bed ds is happy with the iPad. I'm going to try and get a nap I think.

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Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 10:13

I've got the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach back :(

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Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 10:26

It's horrible isn't it @stucknoue. Like they think it's fine we're just mates now. Forget all the heartbreak and up I caused you!

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Paddy1234 · 22/05/2019 11:35

The awful feeling is a mixture of fear and heartbreak. Slowly, slowly ❤️
Cuddle your babies close

Simonfromharlow · 22/05/2019 15:29

I paid for a session with a an online councillor this afternoon. It felt really good to talk to her and she has given me some exercise to carry out. I've managed to get out of bed and even managed a few jobs round the house. It really helps to talk to someone I don't know who knows not to say what they think I want to hear, which is something I find talking to my friends and family.

So good to get honest and experienced responses on here too! I'm so glad I joined mumsnet on a whim when I was pregnant with my youngest! This thread is so helpful. I regularly read through it!

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