Need to pull myself together for the children

[Simonfromharlow]

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

Yes that's a good idea. Will make a startZ

Went round to see my parents and their solicitor friend was there. He asked about the details of the mortgage etc. He then laughed and said your husband is in for a huge shock 😂

Fantastic Simon! You seem to have everything under control and good support. Remember you WILL be happy again. When the rug is pulled from under your feet with no warning it is awful.
But all I can say out of my friends that have been through very similar situations all of them have said they wished they would have been tougher in the bargaining stage. None of them have gone back to renegotiate as the fight is too hard so you have to do it now!

We will be there every step of the way for you so please don't worry ❤️❤️

Tell him to go. If he wants out, he needs to give you the time and space to deal with it. My "D"H pulled this stunt in February after admitting an affair. Then he put me through two months of back and forth, including moving back in and telling the children he was back for good. He left again 2.5 weeks later. It was all my fault of course

The kids will be ok, you will be ok. Do whatever you need to get through it. We are moving internationally (he is staying here for his precious job and the OW who he works with) so I've just been focusing on emptying the house and getting ready for the move. Every day do something kind for yourself and something that brings you closer to a new life without him.

I won't have him back now. He's like a different person. I think I will be happier on my own and this will be the making of me

Thank you @Paddy1234

Yes to what Paddy says! Hammer this out now, and in good time before divorcing.

Go through all the bank statements and work out what you need to live.
Pensions, assets, savings, property. List of absolutely everything. The better prepared you are when you start the process, the more money you will save. If he has a work pension you’ll need to get information on that (as well as your own pension).
Every tiny little things counts. Be thorough.

My youngest seems to have clicked what's happening all of a sudden. Heart breaking.

Be brave.

It’s hard, one of the hardest things to do.

But you can make them feel secure and safe. My counsellor used the phrase ‘Centre their feelings’ and I think that really helped.

You may get some emotional reaction after every visit to their dads for some time. But that’s normal and they are adjusting. They will have missed you at the weekend, and now they’ll have a chance to miss him.

It will be ok. Once again, it’s a time thing.

@Simonfromharlow
I’m deleting my MN account (I’m too easily distracted and RL is overwhelming me) so won’t comment again, but I really do wish you well. My sense is that you have got this and you and your DCs will be ok.

The wise women of MN are a wonderful bunch. Before you know it, you’ll be on these threads from the other side too.

Good luck x

All the best to you @Cheekyfeckery. You've helped me loads. Can't thank you enough.

I haven't cried since Sunday. I've actually felt happy today as well. Baby steps!!

That's brilliant but expect it to come when you least expect it. Absolutely normal.
How are the driving lessons coming along - the freedom that will bring you will be immense
💐

I had another today! It went well. Just need to get my confidence up!

I'm not expecting to be happy every day but it felt nice not to have that heavy feeling for a few hours.

Have you booked your theory test yet? Best of luck, getting your independence with a car will be the best freedom for you and the kids with lots of lovely trips to look forward to.

No haven't booked it yet but he said to get it done ASAP so need to look into it!

Got my free 30mins with a solicitor next Tuesday.

Good luck, every thing is really starting to come together, stay strong.

You will be shocked at how much a solicitor is going to cost however in the long term if they get you a good deal, it will be money well spent. Your children are so young you need there advice.
Your OH will want to go down the no- solicitor route I am sure. No fighting for the children etc etc. However I am yet to find a man that realises the true cost of bringing up children as they never buy the birthday presents for other children's parties, swimming lessons, shoes and clothes monthly when they have a growth spurt.

Until he demanded I sell the house right now it was actually quite amicable. Ive suspected he was depressed for a while now and I think he blamed that on me and where we lived. I think now he has left and doesn't feel happier he has fixated on selling the house to buy a new place as he thinks that will fix all this problems. Anyone in their right mi d wouldn't expect their ex to sell the house 3 weeks after they had moved out. I also think he is being badly advised by a friend who recently divorced but with no kids. I'm not against selling the house but not after 3 weeks. I haven't even found a job yet.

I'm so bloody fed up with this situation. Bored of thinking about it bored of talking about it and bored of worrying about it. I don't want to think about it but it's all I can think about. I would love to time travel 6 months.

I know exactly how you feel. You can see light at the end of the tunnel and just want to bypass all the crap until you get to that.
He won't feel these things so you must remain absolutely resolute.
It's best that you plan little things all the time - I know that you won't feel sometimes like doing them but MAKE yourself. You will recover quicker.
Act to him the strong person that you may not be now but will certainly be in six months time
We are here for you
💐

Thank you @Paddy1234. I'll just keep posting my ramblings on here haha. It helps to write it down. It's also good to read back. I've come quite far since the first post on this thread. I never imagined then I'd be having little flashes of feeling happy after only a few weeks. Still a bit weepy at times but I know it's ok to feel like that now. Was sort of ashamed at first.

Yes it is a great way of recording your journey. Just remember there will be heartbreaking times ahead and do you know that's ok. Three steps forward and two back.