Need to pull myself together for the children

[Simonfromharlow]

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

Yep sounds like him. Apparently I had been unhappy and we both knew this was coming!

Just make sure you see a solicitor ASAP.
You have to remember what you agree to now is realistically what you have over the next 16 years unless you want to go in for another fight. That is why so many woman get a bad settlement as it is negotiated at there lowest ebb and they sometimes don't want to fight.
Go for way above what you expect to get and then at least you can bargain down.
He thinks it's a straight 50:50 - er no as you have 75% of the family.

Fucker. When you want an early out, from any contract, it will cost you. 50-50!!! He can fuck off.

It's done me a favour really as I am so done with him now!

Yes, what Paddy said.
70:30 is quite usual, and the right to stay in the house until the youngest is at least 18.

And pension pots are really important.

The majority of pensioners living in poverty are divorced women. What you do now will affect you beyond your child reaching adulthood so legal advice is so important.

Courts will put the needs of the children first.

He whatsapped me re the kids this morning and I noticed his changed his pic from one with him and the kids to one of him on his own looking 'moody'. Hmmm wonder why 🙄🙄🙄

70:30 is quite usual, and the right to stay in the house until the youngest is at least 18.

With bells on!

I don't know who he's been talking to but he seems very ill advised.

Please believe me when I say that he will want to do it without solicitors involved. DO NOT! This is your and your children's future you are negotiating.
He is completely misinformed.

How are you doing OP?

He’s not got the wise women of Mumsnet on side!

I am sooo lucky to have you lot on my side!

I'm doing ok thanks. I had a lovely weekend with my friends while he had the kids.

I've mainly felt good but had a little wobble in m&s cafe with my mate as was surrounded by happy families. :( I'll get there though. Feeling so much better than when I posted this thread though! Glad to get the first without kids out the way. It was nice to have the time to myself but was pleased to see them when they got home!

Well done @simon, you're doing so well. Hope you are able to have a lovely bank holiday with the kids

I keep checking in to see how you are getting along, Simon, you’re doing so well. These horrible moments will kick in but with each one you are getting nearer to a better future and happier times. I hope that doesn’t sound too glib. It’s gradual but you aren’t alone. Some reading this will have been where you are, sadly some will be there some time, others not, but everyone is here for you.

Well done! That first is over and done with now. Always try and have something organised for a bit when they go to his. Eventually you will be able to cope with the peace and quiet but it will take time. You may even come to appreciate it.
Keep on with those driving lessons as well!
💐💐

My child free weekends are so important for my sanity.. Ex has tried in the part to make me sound utterly unreasonable for talking about 'time off', but coming from Mr 4 days a month it rings rather hollow. Do consider them as an upside to all this crap. Sounds like you had a good day today.

Can't thank you all enough I really can't

I watched the new ted bundy film tonight. There was a bit at the end where he confessed what he did to his wife. It showed her crying and seeing flashbacks of the good parts of their lives. It had me in floods of tears. That exactly how I feel. Grieving for the good parts. I don't miss him but I miss the old him and the nice times we had. Such difficult emotions to deal with. I'm doing better all the time but you just have to let yourself go through the process don't you.

I need Netflix recommendations. I told ex h to cancel the sky subscription if he so desperate for cash. I have Netflix and I've watched Narcos and loved it! Any other recommendations?

Seeing happy (smug) couples is hard isn't it! I'm fortunate that h has a good income and (says) he wants to be fair. But what I need is a hug.

I'm sitting not a metre from him which is so hard, but I can't say leave because I need his money.

Watching for the Netflix recommendations, not found much I like! I'm so bored. I need to go make some (female) friends!

Exactly. I did find everyone very smug!! Also felt sad for my kids that they won't have their parents together as family anymore. It will be for the best in the end though!

My ex h also high earner but also a selfish prick so after starting off saying he was going to be fair he now changing his tune!

I think there are an awful lot of unhappy couples putting on a brave face.

Everyone was so shocked we broke up. We must have been one of those couples.

The court will put the needs of the children first Simon. If your XH is a high earner then they will take that into account.

Where are you at with mediation/solicitors?

I've spoken to a family friend who is a solicitor and he's going to put me in touch with the matrimonial law expert at his place.

We will probably see a mediator when he starts his new job this month. At the moment he's still paying the bills plus giving me some money (crumbs) to live off from his redundancy pay out.

Can I suggest you compile a budget of everything, and anticipated spends?. Every thing from hair cuts to school trips in the future.

I wanted to stay in the house til the youngest was 23, he said 18 so we compromised on 21.

I always gave myself room for downwards manoeuvre if you see what I mean?