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Original poster

Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 08/05/2019 20:35

Yep I'm not expecting it to be all up which will hopefully help when the down times come.

I'm lucky he's not living locally to me anymore so I don't have to deal with bumping into him or seeing him with other women etc.

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 08/05/2019 22:39

When is he next seeing the children?

CaptainDamaged · 08/05/2019 22:49

@Simon Netflix recommendation, please watch Good Girls! It’s really funny and also shows you how tough women can be! X

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 08/05/2019 22:59

He's having them next weekend.

I will watch good girl!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 08/05/2019 23:00

Good girls!

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Moviestar · 08/05/2019 23:42

Op just read this whole thread.
I take my hat off to you ,you are amazing
💐💐🌼💐🌷🌷🌷🌷.for you

Paddy1234 · 09/05/2019 09:47

Get the theory test booked and get the first step under your belt!

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 09/05/2019 09:55

Thanks @Moviestar just doing what anyone else would do in this situation!

@Paddy1234 yes I'm going to get it booked ASAP! My instructor has given me access to an app to practice!

I watched the first episode of good girls! Really liked it!!!

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 09/05/2019 17:05

Just applied for yet another job! Also going to take some CVs to our local shopping centre at the weekend I think

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 09/05/2019 17:11

I realised today that I'm not actually missing my ex h. He had obviously been detaching himself from me for a while so im not missing the closeness etc as it wasn't there.

Also looking back and seeing other red flags that things were not right this really shouldn't have come as such a surprise to me. Maybe I can see it better now as I'm starting to detach from him or something ?

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 09/05/2019 22:04

I think you are right - you are starting to see more clearly what your relationship actually was. That's very brave however when the pain subsides hopefully you will be able to recognise the good times eg the birth of children etc.
We all have red flags - I certainly do and have been with my partner for 20 years but we ride through the ups and downs which your OH did not do and took the easy way out.
❤️

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 09/05/2019 22:21

That will be his loss and my gain. Our children will see one strong constant parent in their lives and one who played a bit part!

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Paddy1234 · 11/05/2019 08:45

That 'bit' part will become the new normal for your OH. He will go through life thinking what a wonderful father he is - but so much will be missed that he won't even see or realise.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 12/05/2019 16:23

Last night made a list of all ex h's bad points with my best mate, it was longer than I expected and felt very cathartic. We were cackling away by the end!

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 12/05/2019 16:24

I've also had my hair cut and coloured different to how I normally have it and I love it! Feel kind of rejuvenated!

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 12/05/2019 20:02

Get in there!
Nothing better than a hair cut and a colour
❤️ so proud

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 12/05/2019 20:05

🥰

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 13/05/2019 11:59

How are others on this thread doing?

@stucknoue @Misty9 @Cakepig

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 13/05/2019 13:44

Just been and handed out a load of cvs at the local shopping centre!!

OP posts:
MarniLou · 13/05/2019 17:48

Sounds great, good on you for starting to make a new life. I don't know what you do career wise but don't forget to look on your local council website. We are desperate for school caretakers, cooks and cleaners. Also loads of caring jobs.

One of my staff gave up a 'profession' to be at home more around her kids. She became our school cook. She was amazing at it, great hours and school holidays.

Forgive me if that isn't your line of work at all, I am just trying to think outside of the box (and fill some much needed role for schools!)

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 13/05/2019 19:05

Will bear that in mind thank you!

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 13/05/2019 20:31

Have 30mins with solicitor tomorrow

Anyone any advice on what to speak to the solicitor about. Have looked looked online.

Have listed house value, savings, debts, pension, income.

Have listed things we've already sorted out.

OP posts:
MarniLou · 13/05/2019 21:04

Contact for the children, including holidays, Christmas arrangements, maintenance, pensions.
Payments for you current home now ( till things are more sorted).
Long term, can you stay in the family house assuming main parent with care? Who,pays what?

MarniLou · 13/05/2019 21:05

And how to access mediation to keep your legal fees down.

disneyprincess87 · 13/05/2019 21:09

So sorry to hear this, just remember to breathe and take each day at a time. Live each moment and focus on your babies to get you through, watch them, play with them and be with them. You'll get through this, it's incredibly hard so be kind to yourself. Try to eat and drink and let your friends and family support you. You will learn to deal with the pain you have, even though you shouldn't have to. Xx

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