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Original poster

Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 09:11

Having a bit of a down day today. Dropped the kids at school and nursery and taken to my bed. I haven't done this since he left so I feel like I deserve it today haha

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 12:30

It's amazing the effect sleep has on your mood. I didn't sleep well last night and have noticed down days follow a bad nights sleep.

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mummmy2017 · 01/05/2019 13:00

Do what ever works ..
You can work on your suntan soon xxx

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 13:10

Oh yes!!! Suntan always makes you feel better!

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Paddy1234 · 01/05/2019 16:19

Sleep is good as it will repair your body.
You will have down days - lots to begin with, it's normal.
Gosh men are strange aren't they - mutual 😂

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 18:28

He's coming to get the kids for weekend on Friday. I'm feeling really anxious about seeing him.

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Cheekyfeckery · 01/05/2019 18:51

The over the counter sleep aids are good. Supermarkets do their own brands. 25mg will help without leaving you groggy the next day.

I was prescribed sleeping pills by the doctor too. Sleep makes a huge difference.

Cheekyfeckery · 01/05/2019 18:51

It will be tough Simon. Have you got someone who can come and support you? Flowers

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 19:18

My parents are only round the corner and said they will make sure they are around.

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 19:19

I've been using sleep aids and they have been invaluable. I wanted to try without one last night and didn't sleep. Sleep is so so important!

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Cheekyfeckery · 01/05/2019 19:49

Have you made plans for the weekend?

(Drifting around the house feeling lost is allowed).

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 01/05/2019 19:57

Yes I've made lots of plans! I'm actually quite looking forward to having a break. As much as I love the kids having them full time in my own has been tough. Although I have to say they have been so so amazing.

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 02/05/2019 20:52

Annoying thing I'd never even thought of, now a lot of my favourite music is ruined because it reminds me of him.

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Paddy1234 · 02/05/2019 21:39

I had an awful breakup 20 years ago and there are still songs I love which have terrible memories 😢

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 02/05/2019 22:02

Oh no don't tell me that! Haha

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 03/05/2019 11:54

He's coming over in an hour. Wants to talk about money. Psyching myself up

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MeanMrMustardSeed · 03/05/2019 12:19

Don’t be forced into agreeing anything today that you don’t want to. Take notes and say you’ll think it over / do calculations / take advice and get back to him next week. He had controlled everything until now, time to take some of the control back.

mummmy2017 · 03/05/2019 12:29

Get him to agree to half and half on school trips, and uniforms.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 03/05/2019 12:37

Great advice thanks!

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Paddy1234 · 03/05/2019 13:22

Reiterate - do not agree to anything. Say that you need time to think about everything and see where you are financially after taking everything into account.

Paddy1234 · 03/05/2019 13:27

Just remember to cancel that sky sports package now ASAP!

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 03/05/2019 15:38

He basically just said he wants to sell the house and take his money. I said I'm not agreeing to anything until I've seen a solicitor.

It's taken away any lingering feelings I might have had for him. He's was so cold and detached.

It's business all the way for me now!

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mummmy2017 · 03/05/2019 16:11

Yeah, what jerk, does he not realise things need sorting before you even get to the who gets what?
Hope you have got CSA onto him...

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 03/05/2019 16:22

I will def be doing that! I'm in it for everything I can get now.

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Angrybird123 · 03/05/2019 17:23

Just jumping on to add another voice of sadly experienced support. You sound like you're doing v v well so early on but do be prepared for those crashes. It doesn't mean you're not making progress, but having everything you thought your life was about taken away and having no say or control over it is v v destabilising.

You mentioned that he thinks the split was mutual.. This is a very common thing where they rewrite history to make what they did seem less twattish and selfish. In my case he very openly left for ow. A couple of months prior we had had specific conversations about how our relationship was improving for various reasons but when he left he suddenly was telling me and everyone else that we'd had problems for ages. It was news to me. Well done for disengaging and stay v v detached re financial negotiations. When I was going through this a bunch of us on here started a drop in thread to chat about our individual sagas. Eventually they became rl friends. Get all the support you can and know that it does get better x

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