Housewarming gift price range?

[NoCanoe]

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

I usually send a card and plant/flowers/wine. £10 max. My db bought his first house recently and I bought them a bottle of champagne and two flutes - £40 and you’d think I’d given them the world.
The nicest housewarming gift I got was a selection of spirits to start my drinks cabinet off. I think it was vodka, rum, amaretto and gin and I recall to this day how thoughtful I thought it was (15+ years ago)
The asking of money to purchase an expensive item is incredibly crass based on the discussion you’d had previously.
To avoid conflict I would play dumb, send £50 and send a message ‘I’ve sent my gift towards your new curtains, I hope you love them’
Should they reply you can say ‘surely to god you wouldn’t have expected me to send you £550 that is insane’

Please don't pay it. Not least as they shouldn't have ordered without confirming with you first, it's rude in many ways. Write to them and say you're sorry about the misunderstanding but you had set aside max £100. You can transfer that as a contribution and say you wish they had asked you before they ordered as it puts you both in an awkward position now.

‘Hi friends
Hope the move went well.
I’m a little confused regarding the invoice as it says £550. Just checking that I’m making a contribution towards the curtains and not expected to pay the full amount. 🤣🤣
I need to eat next week.....😀😀
Anyhoo, please accept £50/£30/£10 from me and I look forward to seeing them when I come over.
Love Me xx

GIFT -

NOUN

A thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
‘wedding gifts’

You are not giving willingly.

I am so cross at them, for trying to con you in this way....
I could cry for you over how you make st be feeling, but you do know you can't pay £550. It isn't fair..

The only way to salvage this friendship is to be honest with them. Reply with: I'm really pleased you found some lovely curtains and I'd like to contribute to them however I was a bit surprised at a request for £550 which is quite a bit over my budget, I've transferred £100 and I look forward to seeing you both soon blah blah blah.

Is there a freedom programme to cover this?
OP do not pay it! Not a penny!
Send "Are you out of your minds? April Fools was ages ago. Either a scammer has hacked your account, or you think so little of me that you'd charge an obscene amount of money for a goodwill gift. I was going to donate a generous £100 towards this, but in light of this, let's stick your gift where the sun doesn't shine - along with the remnants of our friendship"

Don't be torn OP. The nest of vipers is unanimous.

Just say no. There are plenty of gentle suggestions on how to word it

Just say no OP seriously they are completely insane!

I appreciate you all shouting at me! Honest!

I need the virtual kick up the backside and you lot are doing a sterling job!

Im so soft, I annoy myself.

Ive still got a huge lump in my throat because I'm still struggling to process how on earth its happened.

Half of me just wants to pay and be done with it.
The other half is thinking....dont be such a mug!

I feel completely knotted up inside. Which is pointless, i know, but thats how its made me feel.

Im going to sleep on it, as was suggested.

They don't even live here, what's the worst that can happen? They fuck off? Result! These people are NOT friends, they're fucking extorting conning cunts who are preying on you. Please don't pay them! Do not pay them. They are trying to rip you off.

I am not your friend, but I would not do this to my worst enemy..... Please spend the money on yourself instead.

Dont give them anything,they will be laughing at u behind your back, they dont deserve to have u as a friend,i wouldnt even ask a friend to get me anything never have never will.
go ask another friend or family member i bet they say the same as most of us.

It's happened because the other party have decided it's going to happen. They are taking advantage of you and how awkward you will feel so you will just pay up.

Nobody, whether they are rich or poor, nobody just buys a present for themselves and then demands the money from someone else.

This is not normal.
This is not how friendships work.
This is not something you have 'brought on' yourself because you said you would get them a present.

That's madness. Why should you spend your squirrelled away money on their extravagance? I used to earn a decent salary in my late 20s/early 30s and house warming presents I remember buying were:

• pot plants
• teapot & matching mugs (that was from two friends as well)

• biscuit tin & a lot of biscuits
• one of those brushed stainless steel bins (again, from a group of us)
• dustpan & brush and a mop & bucket
• a bottle of gin

I bought my first place on my birthday and housewarming/birthday gifts I received included

• tea towels
• salt & pepper mill
• coasters
• a doorbell
• a cake tin

None of these cost more than £15/£20. All of these were considered a bit of a bonus - as a genuine gift should be.

Just remember that they've done this. You offered a nice gesture and they've rail roaded you. They've spoiled this relationship (unless you're sitting on a million, no one should expect a gift of that magnitude)
I'm going to a wedding this year and will be doing £50 a person.

Don't be a fool. You are setting yourself up if you pay that. I can't believe what cheeky f**kers they are. I'm sorry to sound rude but you would be a complete mug if you pay that. Be strong! Be firm! You can do it!

I'm shocked! Those curtains cost more than my rent!
I can't believe they are expecting you to spend that much - my sister just moved 6 hours away and all i got for her was a £2.50 cactus! She actually really liked it.

I definitely wouldn't pay. Maybe just message saying something like "I'm really sorry but that's completely out of my budget. I am happy to put X-amount towards them though"

If they get pissy, it doesn't matter because you're not exactly going to bump into them when you're out!

Have they hosted you in their country?
Are they generous with gifts?

Pay If you can afford to give away that kind of gift and still eat and the friendship is worth it
Otherwise I would transfer 250 with a thank you for thinking I earn so much unfortunately I’m not I hope this won’t be awkward

Nofunking - you think i should offer roughly half?

I've received another text, acknowledging the time difference and I'm probably in bed now, but could I deal with transfer tomorrow?

I wish I hadnt read it. Not tonight

I've ended up getting out of bed and Im now having a gin and tonic.

Please only give what you can afford, what you feel is reasonable. You really can't start being guided by the coat. You did not agree it. They are now hounding you. No one does that for a gift.

Nofunking - you think i should offer roughly half?

Why the FUCK are you 'offering' them anything, much less £250? Do not engage with these cunts! You don't even have to respond to them. You can block them. You owe them nothing. Or you can get someone on here to message them back.

NWQM - good description. I do feel hounded.

What was just a general vague conversation about new 'treats' when in new house, has turned into something completely different.

And I'm still stunned by it.

This wins the CF contest already for 2019 (and probably 2020).

Tell them to bugger off with bells on.