Housewarming gift price range?

[NoCanoe]

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

If they mention it again, you really must knock it on the head. Either block or reply directly. Eg:

I can't believe we're still talking about this!

Please stop with the requests for payment!

Not this again! Seriously??!!

Are you for real?!

I can't believe that a relaxed chat about a small, house-warming present has resulted in so many, ongoing requests for payment! It's so uncomfortable! You've taken all the joy out of it. Please stop!

Or

'Having reflected on this, I feel the expectation around gift giving has got out of control and is feeling more of a burden than a joy. Rather than placing further strain on our friendship, let's stick to cards rather than presents.'

I like @NigellaAwesome suggestion.

The expectation around gift giving has caused you all to feel upset so better to forgo any future gifts and stick to cards

Wow she sure is determined!

I like Nigella's response too. If you don't make a stand on the birthday gift, you're possibly going to get more 'opportunities' to give expensive gifts; the thin end of a big wedge.

she asked again!! The barefaced cheek. I'm glad you didn't commit to sending anything. Stay strong, OP.

Op, how have you got through 31 pages of the best support and advice and you still posted today to say you would transfer £100 come september?! Why are you even talking to this person if you really do think they are a cunt, as you just described? I dont chat to or have a relationship with anyone i think is a cunt, they get blocked and ignored.

Someone needs to tell you to get a grip now and stop wasting their fingers/breath with all this fantastic advice.

After going through all of that too, all of that fretting, worrying and mourning and you've left the door open again for another disaster in 6 months time by being vague and saying 'maybe' to september. See ya in 6 months time everyone!

From what youve learnt, do you think they will take 'no promises' as a NOT LIKELY/NO/NOT GONNA HAPPEN?

In all kindness OP, re read this thread and have a serious word with yourself. You need to.

I can't believe she asked again! I'd have said "are you still begging?"

Yup, I totally agree LumpyPillow. Last night was a wobble, just out of frustration, I think.
But common sense and stability has prevailed!

I intend to pare our contact right down and no, she wont be getting anything.

You must realise by now that it is a one sided friendship and that she is only using you?

Why pare it down when you should be kicking this nasty bint to the kerb and not having any more contact with her?

If you stay in touch she will always find ways to manipulate you.

You’ve been played. It’s not nice but you can move on and not let her do it to you again.

OP
I reckon your begging friend has a number of giving friends that keep her in pocket (big pockets) money.
She has no shame. Doesn't have to face anyone. Just sends the same email to everyone. Is super friendly and loving. Makes (chosen for their kindness) people feel loved.
She's a con woman. I've actually been in a very similar position. Even if she just gets a few £/$/whatever off everyone it all adds up.
Be strong.

Don't give her money ever again. You need to block or at the very least re-read this thread before responding to her. No wonder they have plenty of money, they must have lots of friends like you paying for nice curtains etc.

So she has:
Asked for 550
Asked for 350
Asked for 100
Asked for 100 on September
She'll be planning to negotiate back up
'aw sweetie if you could just make it 150'etc
Youll never be free of their demands till you cut them out of your life. By having a friendship with them you're denting yourself the opportunity to make genuine friends

OMG for god sakes woman!! Stop being a doormat and being so pathetic. I'm sorry but that's what I'm thinking when I've read all your comments and the great advice you have been given. You have said before you aren't going to give them anything then you end up messaging them and saying you may give them something in September. I mean come off it! This is all just too far fetched and unbelievable even for the most cheekiest of cheeky fks. Pull on your big girl pants!

I cannot in my wildest dreams imagine negotiating with a friend over the value of a present! You won't ever see her in the same light again and I know it's hard but you really need to call it a day with her.

I agree the friendship has run its course.

The last contact she made, which I referred to as 'lovely' reminded me of our usual chatty, funny, interesting interactions, whether by text, email or phone. I think that gave me my 'wobble'. But there is no ignoring the unpleasant badgering for money.

Im paring down contact by not initiating any communication, delaying any reply to any message she sends, then keeping the reply very curt.
There will be no further phone calls. We usually arrange one or two a month.

I didn't reply to anything else in her email, as I normally would; I just sent reply dealing with the money situation.

It may sound like a cop out, but I am hoping to just withdraw and for the contact to die off.

If need be, I will be direct about the situation and the
inevitable repercussions it has had, at least from my point of view.

Im hoping to avoid that, but I suspect a confrontation is going to be unavoidable at some point.

Sorry for the very boring post, but I thought I owed you all some context.

And, to be clear, no money will be sent.

Im buying myself something for the £100.

I honestly think you need to either reply & make the position very clear or simply ignore. You are storing up trouble for yourself by doing a little bit of both.

That's not a cop out NoCanoe - that's a plan! Might I suggest you print a few of the more... erm... pertinent posts to re-read now and again to strengthen your resolve?

I wobble is understandable! But you slept on it and have made the right decision. No money for cheeky fuckers!

When’s your birthday OP? What did they send you for Christmas? When they send funny lovely messages do they ask about you and how you are? Do they refer back to things you’ve said and check in on how previously mentioned things, good or bad, are going? Do they offer support and a listening ear? Or do they just put some superficial stuff first so they can ask for money?

Stay strong and don’t give in. Block their number and Dover their emails to a different folder if needs be, so you don’t see messages when they arrive. You can always unblock later.

That sounds very workable, NoCanoe- good for you

HelloYouTwo, up to now I would have said we had a fairly normal friendship which built up over time. Some times were more serious than others, depending on what was going on, but it ebbed and flowed as most relationships do.

I was aware that I was providing more constructive
and moral support, but it just seemed a natural consequence of what was going on in our lives at that particular time.

Im not very good at opening up on personal stuff, but I did on occasions and yes got appropriate support.

Im trying not to let what has happened of late, jaundice my whole perspective but as I've scrutinised the friendship, I realise I was definitely more of a giver and I was 'played' on a couple of occasions. But at the time, I wasnt looking so I didnt see it.

As for Christmas this year, I didn't get anything but that was unusual. She was going through a challenging time and I never expected her to send anything.

My birthday is December so she wont have a chance to make me uncomfortable before hers.

Our communication has changed dramatically since Curtaingate, so she will be aware of the shift. I dont think she will take it lying down, hence why I fully expect a confrontation at some point.

And, I will deal with it head on when she raises it. I have promised myself that.

Oh OP what a thing to contemplate ... that your friend is gearing up for a confrontation based on what?, you not handing over a substantial amount of cash to her which she decided was her right. She’s got no right to ask you for money and no right to confront you. Don’t let these people bother you any more, they are not worth it. Hard to switch off from them but the less room they take up in your head, the better.