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Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:
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SandAndSea · 23/04/2019 00:43

But, yes, September fine by me. She will get the 100 and thats it.

Wtf???!!!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

cstaff · 23/04/2019 00:46

Why are you even thinking or talking about giving these horrible people presents / money in September after the way they have treated you. Please don't. They don't deserve you as a friend. You sound like you are way too soft and in normal circumstances that is not a bad thing but these users are taking advantage of your good nature. Please don't let that happen.

SandAndSea · 23/04/2019 00:54

If you really value her friendship, you could just reply affirming your situation. Make it clear you're not paying and see if she still stays friends with you? Eg:

"No, sadly, as I said before, all cash gifts are off the table now and will be for the foreseeable future. I've had to review my situation and just don't have it to give."

You could go on to ask her for money but that's up to you.

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Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/04/2019 00:59

sandandsea ive never asked for money from anybody, and she would never believe im serious, because she knows me that well.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/04/2019 01:00

And yes, I hate she knows me that well.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 23/04/2019 01:07

"Ha ha! Nope."

SandAndSea · 23/04/2019 01:12

@NoCanoe - OK, I get it, I really do, I'm much the same. So, knowing what you now know, what outcome would you like here? Maybe we can help you phrase a reply or block her?

SlipperOrchid · 23/04/2019 01:13

Do not commit to giving her anything.

She will keep the FAKE friendship going and OP while it is hard to read that, it is FAKE. Genuine friends do not take advantage of each other and attempt to manipulate them into handing over cash and large amounts of cash.

I remember having a great friend who I had what I thought was a lovely friendship with. We knew each other for years. She made me laugh a lot and we chatted easily. She got married and moved away. She had a child. I sent a lovely gift. She had another child. I sent another lovely gift. I had a child. She sent a text photo of herself showing her dramatic weight loss. I had another child. She did not send anything. She is no longer my friend. If I caught up with her again, I'm sure we would laugh and chat. But why would I? She is a person whose humour clicked with mine but she is not a genuine friend.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/04/2019 01:18

This is all hard to read.

But I know you are right. and I've been too soft.

OP posts:
SandAndSea · 23/04/2019 01:23

Stop giving them money or gifts. That'll tell you everything you need to know about your friendship.

Please re-read this thread to remind yourself what's gone on. They were sending you urgent payment chasers not that long ago.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/04/2019 01:28

Ive just sent this....its pathetic , I know, but I felt I needed to reply.....

Cunt, *

We'll have to see how things are in September. I can't promise anything.

Talk later.

*not her real name.

OP posts:
nettie434 · 23/04/2019 01:32

Oh nocanoe I have just read all the way through this thread. You have been brilliant. I am sure your friend is great company so it must be very sad to feel that you were taken advantage of. It is worrying that they are still asking for money. By September the sum requested might have gone up too. Be brave! Clearly you are a very good friend.

cstaff · 23/04/2019 01:34

That's perfect for the moment OP. Nicely done. Come September something big will come up in your life and you just won't be able to afford her birthday present. In the meantime I would play the whole friendship down.

It's tough but has to be done and remember that she is the one that instigated all of this - not you.

SlipperOrchid · 23/04/2019 01:35

OP do you actually speak to them regularly? Or is this mostly email/whatsapp chat?

I'm sure they are a barrel of laughs but you are now paying for this long distance distraction. I'm at a loss as to how to offer any further advice when you aren't willing to help yourself. I think you are somewhat (un)happily accepting the role of scam victim here because despite a huge number of people spending lots of time replying and trying with goodwill to help you, you are unwilling to either disengage or say no.

SandAndSea · 23/04/2019 01:37

@NoCanoe - That's not bad at all! Well done for sending it! Look how far you've come since you first posted!!! (I bet they're tearing their hair out wondering what to say next to get you to part with your money.)

FiremanKing · 23/04/2019 01:45

You’ll have months of her buttering you up. She’ll pretend to care about you whilst all the time her kindness is set on what has now become a power trip and getting you to send her money.

Why can’t you just block her phone number?

BitOfFun · 23/04/2019 02:13

FiremanKing, I guess it's hard to sever a bond you've had faith in, and NoCanoe is hoping her supposed friend will voluntarily back off with her demands, as that would leave some room for her to believe there was something genuine in their relationship.

It's very hard to come to terms with the idea that you have only ever been seen as a useful idiot Sad

Koskenkorva · 23/04/2019 07:12

How about: "Let's just let your birthday/Christmas etc gifts to me cancel out my gifts to you."

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 23/04/2019 08:24

I think @bitoffun is spot on here. But this really, really isn't right - @nocanoe, can you imagine sending the kind of texts they have been sending? The temerity to keep asking for large sums of money?

For your own wellbeing, I really do think it's time to block. You have done everything possible to give them space to redeem themselves. You really don't owe them anything more.

Imagine how relieved you would feel without passive aggressive texts pressurising you for money.

woolduvet · 23/04/2019 09:00

I don't think that was a great reply tbh, it leaves the door open for her to keep nagging you, although tbh to us it feels like harassment.
When you've thought it through I'd send another text, reuse words from your last text where you said all this talk of this money is upsetting you.
"Thanks for your text, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop asking for money as it's spoiling our friendship"
If she continues then she doesn't care about the friendship..

FiremanKing · 23/04/2019 09:10

I would change that text to read

“Thanks for your text, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop DEMANDING money as it's SPOILT our friendship.”

NigellaAwesome · 23/04/2019 09:20

Another vote for block now. They are scammers who only pretend to give a shit about you. Out of interest, is your birthday between now and September? Does she normally send you cash / expensive birthday gifts? (I'll bet not). I would be wary of her suddenly sending you a gift if your birthday is between now and then, just so you feel obligated.

Please, please, just block them and hold on to your cash. How do they communicate with you? WhatsApp, E-mail, text?

I note they only managed to hold off for a WEEK before coming back asking for more money. I wonder how many other people they have met on holiday they are doing this to as well?

LowLifeOpinions · 23/04/2019 09:29

For perspective, we became seriously loaded and all our friends figured it out but are on normal incomes. We are generous, especially with friends who are on low incomes and have children. We give much more expensive gifts than we would ever expect in return, we chat about how we are in different circumstances and it our pleasure to be able to do this, etc. NOT ONE has ever expected money the way these bastards seem to. NOT ONE would behave this way!

IT IS WRONG.

Rainbow1781 · 23/04/2019 09:50

Thanks for your text, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop DEMANDING money as it's SPOILT our friendship

Agree with something like this

Hollowvictory · 23/04/2019 12:12

I'd have said:
'Please stop asking me for money and presents it making me feel very awkward '