Housewarming gift price range?

[NoCanoe]

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

Have you support around you OP? Close longterm friends that you see regularly or family? Children? Long term neighbours? I’m quite worried your kind nature is being taken advantage of and without trying to worry you - have you given money to other people?

SlipperOrchid - siblings.

Dont ask!! It gets very complicated! And messy.

Its probably why I find money situations very difficult to deal with.

I hope you have support in real life OP. You sound lovely and incredibly generous, stay strong and don't be taken advantage of.

I hope you have the strength to oust these CFers from your life OP. You sound really stressed.

I'm late to the support team, but adding my voice to the "Don't pay and don't talk to them"!

Sending you strength lass.

I’m not sure whether this is a made up story because it’s pretty hard to believe. And with so much support and advice the OP still keeps saying she is going to pay £100. None of it makes sense. But if it’s true and you really are able to be perfectly rational and articulate here and yet unable to fend for yourself in this parasitic relationship you have to take some action. You’ve had all the advice. If you pay anything at all you are very foolish.

I haven’t thought about this in years but your thread has reminded me of it.

I took a girl under my wing and it was one sob story after another and I felt sorry for her.

I also enjoyed helping her it made me feel food about myself.

Then bit by bit I discovered the sob stories were fabricated and she was a user. Out for whatever she could get.

What hurt me was that I had taken her with me one day when visiting my parents and my mother also took pity on her and upon my so called friend telling weaving into the conversation that she hardly had any plates because her ex had been round and smashed hers (a lie that I found out afterwards) my mother gave her some crockery that was from childhood and as such I did have a nostalgic pang.

However, I didn’t want to knock my mothers generosity nor did I want to begrudge my friend getting free plates.

A couple of days later I was round her flat and saw that she had a new dinner set (bought by another colleague who was also conned by her).

I asked where the crockery was that my mother gave her and she shrugged and told me that she’s thrown that old crap in the bin.

Sadly, some people take advantage of other people as a way of life and don’t actually cherish or value friendships or belongs, it’s all about manipulating people to do stuff for them that gives them a sense of power.

Candymay

She’s already updated to say she won’t and that she won’t take the call either.

I'm another to say don't give them £100. That would just encourage them to try for more/try again another time. Really, they deserve nothing.

Dont give the greedy buggers anything. We give to bring joy, the joy has gone from this 'gift' which has turned into more of a menacing you for money situation. I bet they haven't ordered curtains and just want your cash. These are not friends!

I would return said invoice and said I had found inspiration elsewhere that is beyond silly and incredibly grabby

Repeating everyone else at this point but do not pay anything.

I think your song needs to be "just say no" there is no reason for you to be giving your hard earned money to anyone especially if your boundaries are a bit off.
Well done so far.
Just text her there's nothing to be gained by a phone call, their monetary request has upset you. You'll speak to them when you feel better about it.

Op glad you have decided not to take the call.

My guess is these people think because you could afford foreign holidays you have unlimited funds.
They've screwed you for money in the passed and will continue to try and screw you for money even if not this time but next time.
I'd cut all contact and send absolutely nothing.
Initially I thought you could salvage the friendship but not now. The friendship is completely gone if it was ever a true friendship in the first place.

Can I be the first to gently suggest some counselling to work on your boundary issues and people pleasing?

Love, another people pleaser who found counselling really helpful.

Another voice saying now the friendship is over younight as well keep your £100 to spend on yourself/charity/ 100 lottery tickets! Anything would be better than giving a penny to these two.

Wishing you luck in the future OP, it seems this experience has given you a different perspective on a few things, which hopefully will benefit you in the future

Op, go spend the 100 on something lovely for you. You sound really nice and don't deserve what these people are doing to you. So go treat yourself and think fuck them. Not this time, I'm stronger than they know.

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who took time to post and give me a metaphorical shake or a hug.
The support, when I was feeling so torn, has been worth its weight in gold.

Ive still got my £100 and my little squirrel fund remains untouched.

I have learned some valuable lessons, which coming from a position of a well established skewed perspective, has been nothing short of miraculous!

No more drama. The call got cancelled. The message was sent I couldn't help and saw no point sending the provisional £100 as it wouldn't rescue the curtain situation anyway.

I apologised for the situation but said I was very surprised they didn't think to check out that kind of price with me first.

Wished them all the best in their new home and hope all goes well.

Wow these people have no shame!!! As you have stated, the friendship is over and you absolutely shouldn’t take the call. I would at this point tell them that you were minded to contribute the 100 you had originally planned or cover the deposit if they need to cancel, but given the way they have conducted themselves you are no longer willing to give them any money at all.

Ah cross post. Well done, it seems you have dealt with the situation very gracefully and diplomatically.

Good skills, well done OP.

A good update OP (apart from the apology... but baby steps OP, baby steps)

Good on you! Get rid of these users.

Good for you! Brilliant reply, very strong. You sound like a lovely person and you’ve handled this well.