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Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:
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therearenogoodusernamesleft · 15/04/2019 13:58

Oh lovely, you don't owe her phone call.

The only reason she wants to have it is to try and wear you down.

It's dealt with and your position is clear - block, delete, never speak to them again.

These are bad people who are trying to take advantage of you.

You are so, so lovely.

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 14:03

If she was going to apologise to you she would have messaged something along the lines of -

I’m so sorry about this. Can I ring you later to have a chat and let you know how sorry I am.

The fact that it’s a sinister I am going to call you indicated the manipulation and pressure she is going to exert on you.

EdtheBear · 15/04/2019 14:03

No Canoe, Don't speak to her, she'll know its harder to say No on the phone than it is via text.

She's possibly picking up the vibe that some thing has changed / somebody is encouraging you to stand up for yourself. If she talks to you without you having access to that support you might give in. She sounds the sort who'd try to get you to transfer the money while still on the call.
Denying you the chance to cool off and think about what you are doing.

Reply - Sorry nothing to discuss, I'm not giving you any money. Neither as a gift or as a loan.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations General shopping
OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/04/2019 14:07

Would you feel comfortable asking her where she got the idea that you ever meant to fund a gift that expensive?

user1474894224 · 15/04/2019 14:08

Lots of user advice here. Definitely do not loan the money. - remember they have only paid a deposit of £50. They can lose that of they have to. Darn...you can send them £50 so they aren't out of pocket - then you've given your gift and it can all end.

You haven't said which country they are in, or how you know them. This might help us understand their motivation better.

AutumnCrow · 15/04/2019 14:10

OP, can you put into words why you feel so guilt-tripped? There's an unhealthy dynamic going on here that's making you vulnerable to the unreasonable expectations from others.

Mostly it's seen in families. Sometimes with 'friends'.

jay55 · 15/04/2019 14:14

Have you a (bolshy, confident) friend who can sit with while you have the call?
I don't think you're obligated to listen to their manipulations, your message was clear. If you do go through with it, do remember you can put the phone down at any time.

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2019 14:23

Op, don't do this, these people are after you only for what they can get. They are going to use the call to try to get money out of you.

Text her and say " I've got an unexpected x event tonight so can't chat, don't worry, it's all good, I shall transfer you 100 for your houswarming gift with my love. Speak in a few days or soon when I get a moment.

And leave it there.

There is nothing to sort, only from her side is there. And the sorting is she wants your money. Don't allow it to happen. Please have some dignity here.

LegoPeopleEverywhere · 15/04/2019 14:27

I don't think a phone call is a good idea. She will try to guilt trip you and wear you down. If you really want to communicate with her then use email or message on WhatsApp or similar.

BackforGood · 15/04/2019 14:33

I rather like the idea that you answer the call with

"Hi {insert name}. Really glad you've called to apologise - it was such on odd thing for anyone to do, to send a friend an invoice for work they've chosen to have done on their house, I was a bit worried you were having some kind of breakdown with the stress of moving or something".

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 14:38

The call would be best answers by someone else saying

Hello Mrs Grabber, this is Interpol and we have intercepted your call as part of our ongoing investigation regarding attempts to extort money from ‘Op’s Name’......

user1474894224 · 15/04/2019 14:50

@backforgood great opening

MoonlitCastle · 15/04/2019 15:04

Don't speak to her. Send an email back.

"Sorry, but there really is nothing to discuss over the phone. I'm sorry about your curtains. My £100 gift still stands, so if you wanted to cancel the curtain order at least you wouldn't lose your deposit."

SandAndSea · 15/04/2019 15:05

I'm guessing that PPs suggesting you give £100 are assuming that you're maintaining the friendship??

I really don't think you should give anything. Please don't think you are obligated here. You aren't.

LowLifeOpinions · 15/04/2019 15:07

I would personally struggle hugely over the phone. I would me much more open to manipulation and guilt tripping.

If you want to get out of it, just say something has come up and you will be tonight... then just ghost them. You don't owe them anything.

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 15:07

Why the hell should the £100 gift still stand when the C*NTS have badgered her for £550 and then £350 on what is most likely a false pretext for curtains?

She should give a big fat ZERO. NADA. ZILCH.

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2019 15:13

I would personally struggle hugely over the phone. I would me much more open to manipulation and guilt tripping

I think this is my concern. These people are manipulating the op, and she clearly doesn't like confrontation, so I would assume they feel there is a good chance of getting money out of her if they call. So personally I think avoiding the call until it's sorted is best. I really doubt anything good will come from it, not for the op anyway.

FirstTimeMumApril19 · 15/04/2019 15:51

I'm speechless someone has the audacity to do this. I wouldn't speak tonight or again for that matter. Keep the £100!!

Original poster
NoCanoe · 15/04/2019 15:58

Point taken, people!

Im going to back out of phone call. My weekend was ruined by the emotional stress of it all anyway, so probably best not to have a phone call quite so soon.

I always had it in my head the figure would be around 100, so theres still part of me that thinks I should honour that.

Then I think, why the hell should I after this?

The friendship is over. I dont see how it could ever be the same now, especially as I've picked up on some stuff in the past that has made me feel a bit used.

We met on holiday. Got on straight away, and kept in very regular touch.

For people asking, Im recognising I do try to help too much, when really I should just offer a listening ear or a shoulder. Hmm

OP posts:
NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 15/04/2019 16:01

They were on holiday probably having scammed money from someone else. You need to cut them out. They're not friends. They never were. They're users. No fucking money for them. No phone calls. Fucking block their number so you're not listening to the phone ring.

purplepears · 15/04/2019 16:05

@NoCanoe
I wish that I could take you out for coffee and cake and let you know how kind you are.
Have you got friends and family around you?

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 16:07

Casual acquaintances that ingratiated themselves into your life because you are a very nice person and they thought you would be a soft touch.

Well, you are not a soft touch as you had the guts to post about this awful personal matter and face posters telling you that you must be mad etc to even consider handing over the dosh.

Well, give yourself a massive pat on the back for going through this with your head held high.

You have behaved with nothing but dignity and graciousness.

You have been sorely tested but have come through this wiser and stronger.

This will soon be behind you.

BlytheofWindyWillows · 15/04/2019 16:08

Say no to the phone call. When people show you who they are, believe them. You deserve much better.

Bluntness100 · 15/04/2019 16:10

Op, I genuinely think you should end the friendship. They are treating uou very badly.

I don't know what else they have done to you that you allude to, but at least one of them was financial.

It's up to you how to proceed, but as a minimum draw your boundaries and don't let those people do this to you.

Just send a text saying won't be able to chat tonight, I'm off out. Maybe in a few days or weeks when I'm less busy. Shall let you know.

They will of course try to come at you hard for money, but you should just ignore. Ideally block.

It's sad when people show you who they are, when you expected differently, but please protect yourself. Time to raise the draw bridge.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 15/04/2019 16:15

purplepears - yes, but just not at the moment due to their responsibilities, holiday plans etc.

Ill be totally honest. I knew the situation was bad, when I felt I couldn't tell anyone irl what had happened. But then doubted myself, arguing Id made a commitment without specifying a budget, so maybe I had to accept it.

It was me not wanting to discuss it irl, but tying myself up in knots that led to me posting.

And thank God I did. Its been equivalent to a high watt spotlight being focused on the scenario.

OP posts: