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Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:
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harajukubabe · 15/04/2019 13:22

Recently, I had a dress made by a lady. We had agreed a price limit for the dress. She delayed and delayed making/sending me the dress until the last minute. When I asked what the bill was, it was almost gbp 150 above what I had agreed with her.
I had never asked her to do extra work on the dress... long story short, she wanted to speak with me to convince me on the phone. I held my ground, select, considered replies via whatapp.
She was wrong not to ask me first if I was ready to pay the extra. I paid her half and left it at that.

It's better not to talk on phone with these types of people. They will manipulate you.

You are wasting your emotional well-being and energy. Better to let this go.

palomapear · 15/04/2019 13:23

These people are not true friends.

Would you lose anything if they were no longer in your life?

Please OP do not backdown

Erksum · 15/04/2019 13:24

NoCanoe You really need to stop feeding the drama. It's going on and on and on. It's pointless.

Just send a message saying you don't want to ever message or talk about it again. Then stop agonising over it.

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GiantKitten · 15/04/2019 13:24

You are really really better off sticking to written conversations, if you feel obliged to go on discussing it & don't yet feel able to cut them off & block them.

Then at least you have a permanent record of what they've said & they won't be able to twist anything in future.

But I agree that there's really no point in talking to them at all any more. All they will do is try different excuses to make you think you should pay. You shouldn't pay, but they will grind you down if you give them a chance.

Please don't Sad

BUT - if you do go ahead, as I fear you will - say as little as possible, as already suggested. Tell her you can't afford it at the start, & then let her talk. You really don't need to say anything else. If she asks why you're not responding, "I already told you, I can't afford it" is all it needs.

palomapear · 15/04/2019 13:25

And! It's just curtains!! It's not as if you are stopping them from being evicted, putting food on their table, clothing for their children, medication. It's curtains!!!

Just say no.

SandAndSea · 15/04/2019 13:25

I really hope that your friend is ringing to apologise for putting you in such a horrible position. If instead, she's ringing to negotiate your payment, then you will know all you need to know.

harajukubabe · 15/04/2019 13:26

You don't have to say 'this friendship is over'.

Just send a curt reply saying:

'I don't feel we have anything more to discuss. '

Let time heal if there is a real misunderstanding (I highly doubt).

If she wants to apologise to you, she can email you the same and explain.

Keep yourself emotional secure

Knittedfairies · 15/04/2019 13:29

OP, there's nothing to discuss. Treat the phone call as you would if any other scammer rang you to try to extract money from you; hang up.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 15/04/2019 13:32

Oops.

I thought it was the correct thing to do, but maybe not.

Im having seconds thought now. I felt it was something to face up to, for my own peace of mind, but maybe not. Maybe it will just be stress for no gain at all.

😕

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 15/04/2019 13:33

Second thoughts!!

OP posts:
Palominoo · 15/04/2019 13:33

I wouldn’t put anything in writing that could be misconstrued as a financial agreement in case you get an invite to Judge Judy or a small claims court.

Just dump the bitch.

Honeyroar · 15/04/2019 13:35

What needs discussing? She needs to ring to apologise, nothing else. You've been nothing but polite and generous, she's been nothing but greedy and selfish. She probably thinks she can push you into more. Anyone else would be absolutely mortified at this point. She isn't.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 15/04/2019 13:36

Oops.

I thought it was the correct thing to do, but maybe not.

Im having seconds thought now. I felt it was something to face up to, for my own peace of mind, but maybe not. Maybe it will just be stress for no gain at all.

Jesus wept! Of course it's not the correct thing to do! FFS, you KNOW they are not friends but slimy con artists who have lied to you in the past and you think the correct thing to do is anything other than, 'Goodbye' and BLOCK?

They are lying grifters.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 15/04/2019 13:39

She's not fucking ringing to apologise. Give yourself a shake here, OP, unless you enjoy being conned.

MySecondBestBroomstick · 15/04/2019 13:39

No, do not have this conversation. Your friends are con artists and she just wants to use her considerable skills to persuade you.

Anything she wanted to say along the lines of "oh I'm so sorry I feel terrible, of course you mustn't contribute to the curtains" could have been said by email. Her sole purpose in having this conversation with you is to get money out of you.

This gambit of talking this evening is the same as the "lost in translation?" comment. Deliberately short to put the ball back in your court and make you do the talking so she can bat you down. No. Just no.

WobbleTime · 15/04/2019 13:41

You don’t have to ‘face up to’ anything. Your friends have put you in a horrible position by demanding a huge amount of money from you (repeatedly) and have ruined your weekend by making you feel uncomfortable and are still continuing to harass you over this payment which they have decided they want from you.
Please don’t enter into further discussions. You don’t need to! In your shoes I’d reply saying you don’t feel there is anything more to discuss, you have made your position on the matter clear and you are drawing a line under the whole issue.
I don’t see how there can be a friendship going forward and by letting them call you, you are prolonging the situation.
Enough is enough I think.

ijustcannotdoit · 15/04/2019 13:42

I am gobsmacked. Do not pay!!!!!!!

Whatnotea · 15/04/2019 13:44

Do not pay more than £100 and that is extremely generous.
Do not have a call go back & say £100 is tops & you can't go to £350.

Tell they you are very disappointed that they expect you to pay £550 on anything.

Do not give in!!!
or give £0

They are champion CF's.

The friendship has gone anyway, just let it die.

chickenalapesh · 15/04/2019 13:45

There's not a chance in hell I'd be willing to discuss further!

Neolara · 15/04/2019 13:46

The only reason she wants to speak with you is because she thinks she will get you to change your mind. If she wanted to genuinely apologise, she would have done so already. Talking to her just gives her the opportunity to guilt trip you. She has been completely unreasonable and no normal person would feel you have any need to defend yourself or justify your decision not to hand over a huge amount of money to just because they want you too.

MySecondBestBroomstick · 15/04/2019 13:47

I bet Slipperorchid's right with this one: "She will even resort to asking to 'borrow' the money which will never be paid back."

Charley50 · 15/04/2019 13:48

OP you seem very vulnerable. Do you have other friends or family to talk to. These people are not your friends; they just want money from you.

Something similar has happened to my mum a couple of times. She's both a little lonely and likes to help people. This has made her vulnerable to users who say they're her friend then ask for money. One was 'just' the odd £50 here and there, the other was tens of thousands of pounds (!!!) in the guise of a charity scam. Years later she still thinks of them as 'friends.' They're not.

Just tell this woman to fuck off and never speak to her again.

strawberrycloud · 15/04/2019 13:54

I can't see that there is anything to be gained from speaking to her on the phone.

There is nothing to 'discuss'. She is clearly not ringing to apologise, she is ringing to try and talk you round. Don't give her the opportunity.

SandAndSea · 15/04/2019 13:57

How about sending something like this?

"Something tells me that tonight's call is more about you trying to get me to pay for your curtains, than it is about you apologising for the horrible position you have put me in. I've got to be honest, I'm shocked at how grabby and entitled you are! You are not the friend I thought you were. I wish you well for the future but I think we should leave it there."

Then block.

And then you will have closure. Smile

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/04/2019 13:58

I just don't think you're strong enough in your own conviction here that you don't need to pay her ANYTHING. I think that you're too vulnerable in a phone conversation to being persuaded to give more than you're happy about.
Even amongst some wealthy people I know, that amount of money for a gift would be unthinkable. That they seriously expected you to pay it (without even having a conversation about it) is beyond comprehension and an indication that they must move in a different stratosphere of wealth to most people, in which case they should need to be "desperate" and asking for you to bale them out. I wish this was a troll post in a way.