Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
user1474894224 · 15/04/2019 05:54

I can't believe how this is going. You are doing so well. Stay strong.

(We moved last year...we have my grandmothers old curtains in the lounge, our old ones in the living room, ones left here in bedroom and I treated us to new for the kitchen. We have already had a house so no presents - as they are for first property. But did get a flower, a bottle of fizz and my best friend got me a cushion which I was made up with as was unexpected.

palomapear · 15/04/2019 06:50

Stay strong OP. Mumsnet is unanimously behind you. That doesn't happen often, take heed!

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 07:25

Good morning op.

Hope you are buoyed by us all being the wind beneath your wings.

All of us are behind you should you feel like faltering.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations General shopping
LesLavandes · 15/04/2019 07:36

Be strong OP. Us mumsnetters are cheering you on 🌸

EdtheBear · 15/04/2019 09:20

Op hope you are doing ok. Have you any mutual friends (past or present) that you could have a chat with. Might make you feel better to know your arent alone.

chickenalapesh · 15/04/2019 09:24

Gobsmacked!

Angelinthenightx · 15/04/2019 10:02

if your friendship is over send nothing to them,they have been awful to u.
takes a while to see a friend that uses u its a shock when u figure it out ,hope that your ok today x

Sunnysidegold · 15/04/2019 10:22

I have been so shocked reading this thread! I'm so glad you came on here for advice, OP!

SalitaeDiscesa · 15/04/2019 10:43

For context, OP, we've lived in this house for 11 years. I've just bought my first pair of new curtains for it, to replace the ones that were six inches too short. All the others are from our old house or from family members. We're solvent but we have other priorities.

harajukubabe · 15/04/2019 11:23

What does the reply say that you didn't read yesterday? I am intrigued!

NigellaAwesome · 15/04/2019 11:24

Wow. Some great responses on here, and I can't anything new other than to say I don't think you should send anything at all.

They are con artists and don't value you for your friendship.

It must be so hurtful to you to realise this.

I think you now have 3 options:

  1. Pay whatever you planned to spend in the first place (terrible option)
  1. Maintain radio silence
  1. Send a clear message to them that you won't be paying anything and the friendship is over.

Personally I would go for option 3 as everyone knows where they stand. I really liked the suggested wording from @WittyUsername:

This conversation should have taken place before ordering the curtains if you were relying on me to pay for them. As you didn't, I really can't be held responsible for your predicament. I felt that £100 was a more than generous gift and quite honestly feel upset and uncomfortable that you don't feel it good enough.

I would also add 'I am so upset about this I consider our friendship over. Please don't contact me again.'

You are probably in knots over this, whereas their reaction will probably be 'oh well' then move on to the next victim.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/04/2019 12:15

As a reply to them, you could always adapt that well-known phrase, "your lack of planning does not constitute my emergency."

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 15/04/2019 12:16

And I think another poster nailed it with, "I'm not sure why, if you cannot afford £550 curtains for yourself, you thought I could?"

LegoPeopleEverywhere · 15/04/2019 12:31

Another person here telling you not to pay! Tbh, I am a massive wimp so would probably just ignore them from now on (& not pay!), but there are many excellent assertive suggestions here for explaining to them why you're not paying.

Flower777 · 15/04/2019 12:47

Please don’t give them a penny.

You sound so lovely and this is not right at all.

As someone else said, everyone on this thread agrees which literally never happens!!!

Original poster
NoCanoe · 15/04/2019 13:03

Hi everybody. Really appreciate all your help with this.

Friend wants to phone me tonight to discuss the matter.

I know thats going to be a massive guilt trip, but also think its probably the best way to bring this incident to a close.

A very honest conversation is better than toing and froing with messages. So, thats the plan.

Im going to read through this thread beforehand, so Im prepared.

Im dreading it but I think I need to do it.

OP posts:
Flower777 · 15/04/2019 13:09

Maybe make a couple of notes.

Think in advance what you want the outcome to be.

Just keep repeating yourself. ‘I feel very upset, I can’t believe you thought I would pay that much’

CornforthWhite · 15/04/2019 13:11

Please direct them to this thread if they are in any way unreasonable. I can't see what they want to discuss after their messages and tone to you thus far, other than a massive guilt trip.
Please say as little as possible. Hear what they have to say to you, as their bonkers 'reasoning'will speak volumes and help you stay strong. They aren't nice people OP.

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 13:12

How awful.

Personally I think she’s going to sob, cajole, whimper, whine and pull at every heart string she can muster.

I wouldn’t even entertain the matter.

But, if you feel it would give you better closure than let her give her spiel and then politely, slowly and clearly tell her that her behaviour is unreasonable and you couldn’t even quote some of the (serious) comments on this thread.

An excellent one being as already mentioned -

“If you can’t afford the curtains, what makes you think I could?”

We are a wide spectrum of people on this thread, different ages, different beliefs, different ways of life, yet we are all one voice in unison at how dreadful these people are.

When you speak to her, remember we are right there with you.

I still think you should send her a link to this thread so she can see we all have the cut of her jib.

She cannot get ahead with pulling the wool over your eyes and I truly believe you are strong enough to not give in to being conned again by this unscrupulous pair.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 15/04/2019 13:12

You wll be manipulated if you speak to her again. Dear god, just stop it! You're still being a mug. They are a pair of conniving cunts who have fucked you over in the past and their sole goal in any communication is to extract money from you. More fool you for even talking them at all and not having blocked their conning arses already.

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 13:12

Could not couldn’t

harajukubabe · 15/04/2019 13:14

I don't think it's a good idea to hear her over the phone. She will try to use guilt to change your mind.

Be careful. I would end it with a curt reply on email. It's distressed you enough as it is to do this over email.

mummmy2017 · 15/04/2019 13:14

Keep telling her,. This .
That doesn't work for me.
Sorry I don't have that kind of money to spend...
Do you have a bill that needs paying, that you could do now , instead of at the end of the month, so you really don't have the money in hand.

Palominoo · 15/04/2019 13:15

I honestly do not think you should talk to her.

A link to this thread would suffice and save you further anguish.

SlipperOrchid · 15/04/2019 13:20

No. Just say no to any phonecall.
She is going to try to extort money from you through whatever means she can. She will even resort to asking to 'borrow' the money which will never be paid back.
That is her ONLY reason for calling you.
She is not calling to apologise for causing you embarrassment or her lack of manners.
Do not walk into this trap.
Ignore her and block her.
If you need 'closure' send her one final email saying the friendship has ended and then block her.

Do not be a victim to this scam. You have been warned and given very good advice already.
Whatever happens next will be completely your own fault if you entertain her at all.
Just disengage. These people are no better than cold callers who come to burgle your home. Do not open the door or pick up the phone. Protect yourself.