Housewarming gift price range?

[NoCanoe]

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

Good call OP.

You have established they are not friends of yours. I suspect they are relatives? I think you will find that they will be the ones losing out, not just the house warming gift, but the (professional?) advice you have previously been forthcoming with. You may find they will indirectly get other family members to ask on their behalf in the future or they may be cheeky enough to ask themselves.

Regardless I suspect it is safe to say they need you more than you need them and they will come to realise this.

Keep your distance. Don’t engage any further. It might be easier to block them than read their mails and risk getting upset.

The hurt will pass.

Let the tears flow and have a good cry.

Then feel relief that it’s happened now and not even further down the line where they may have extorted more and more from you.

And hold on to the amusing thought of them bickering as they blame each other for hoping you’d fall for it and now they have to stump up the cash themselves! Although my gut feeling was they were just after cash and the curtains were a ruse.

SlipperOrchid - not relatives. Genuinely just long distance friends.

Id have known what to expect with my relatives!

If they aren’t relatives, this makes disengagement MUCH easier. There isn’t anything to worry about. Just ignore from now on and concentrate on your other genuine friends x

@NoCanoe

So sorry that they've been arseholes

It's horrible when friends behave badly. I'm glad you called them out though as I suspect if you'd paid up then there would have been something else in the future.

Palominoo - They will be figuring out a plan. And come back to me, Im sure.

I realise I fell for a two pronged approach a few years ago. So, Im thinking this could go much the same way.

This time, Im not such a numpty.

Fuck me! £100 would have been extremely generous but they are really taking the piss.

I think this will ruin your friendship anyway as there is no way you can just let this go, just tell them not to be ridiculous, withdraw your friendship and keep the money for yourself.

Some people are so manipulative OP that the way they do it means you don't realise they have. Don't feel bad, just be happy you've realised what they're like before it got worse.

You think they are going to come after you for the money op? Plead poverty or that you committed?

These are not good people op. They are using and abusing you. I understand how when you perceive someone as a friend that hurts, but make this stop now and don't let them take advantage of you further. Whatever you do do not pay for these curtains, I personally wouldn't give anything, but if you must, give the 100. Not one penny more.

Whatever their cunning plan is, I'm pretty certain MN's hive mind will help you counter it OP. What deeply unpleasant 'friends' they are.

Take back control OP. Send one final message saying that you've decided against sending them any money or continuing with the friendship. Then delete and block. You will feel such relief.

Good on you op.

At this point OP I would give serious consideration to sending them nothing.
Don't engage anymore with them on this topic.

Sadly I think your friendship has s over (for you) regardless of any further communication. I would save all your money and treat yourself... you deserve better!

Very wise words from Paliminoo. Sparkletastic's response is spot on. No money. Delete/block.

Blocking them from contacting you again will be so satisfying and you can picture their frustration at not being able to send you messages.

You may well receive a letter in the post but you will recognise the handwriting and prepare yourself.

Block on your phone so no more calls or texts.

Block on Facebook and any other social media and block them from emailing you.

If you need any help in how to block them then ask on here.

Don’t delete their original messages because if they invoke mutual friends to turn against you then you have proof of them trying to extort monies from you.

Why are PPs suggesting 'send just £100'? Send JUST £100? £100? Jeez, you could have a couple of nice lunches with a real friend for that!! Spend a bit from the housewarming budget to send flowers or take out a real friend who you haven't seen for a while. Or spend £100 in a supermarket on food for a Food Bank...... anything, but please don't give a penny of your hard-earned income to these free-loading, manipulative, oxygen thieves!

OP you sound genuinely lovely and I sincerely hope you remove these cheeky fuckers from your life without handing them a penny. They are not your friends. Friends do not present friends with invoices for housewarming gifts, nor do they send numerous reminders for payment. You have been treated abhorrently.

I adore my close friends, but a housewarming gift in my world is a posh candle/bottle of fizz/flowers costing £20-£25 max. Or, if I knew that a friend particularly wanted to replace plates or towels, I might head to Dunelm or IKEA and pick up a set of plates or couple of towels for the same sort of money.

The only time I might give more would be if it was quite an extreme set of circumstances - for example a close friend fleeing an abusive relationship with nothing.

Expecting £550 is lunacy.

@Notwiththeseknees - I think we are all trying to say that the maximum should be the OP's original budget for the gift of £100. OP has had it confirmed though that the overwhelming majority do not spend that on a friend's house warming.

I'm definitely in the camp of doubt bother sending anything now. They will not be happy with any amount so don't waste a dime.

Sparkletastic is completely right.

@NWQM I know where the amount came from, I'm just gob-smacked that in light of the CF's attitude, that anyone would suggest sending anything, ever.

I can't believe people like this actually exist

OP you sound like a lovely person. Your friends sound like CFs of the highest order! Don't spend a penny on them. Treat yourself to something instead

Sorry, I haven't read all the replies but surely if the friendship would be tarnished anyway you may as well ignore, block, delete.
Job done.

I suggested sending the original amount because I thought they were relatives who would meet at social gatherings. Now that the OP has clarified they were only friends, I also think that she should not send anything. The ‘friendship’wasn’t equal and is over now regardless of whether anything is sent or not.

@NoCanoe
Most of us would be honored and delighted to have a lovely friend like you.
Proud of you for not falling for their bullying scam.