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Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:

Thread gallery

Honeyroar · 14/04/2019 07:43

I can’t believe they sent a reminder! I wouldn’t send anything after that. I can’t believe people actually treat friends like that.

wittyusermane · 14/04/2019 07:44

I don't think I have ever paid more than £20-£30 for a housewarming gift. Flowers in a vase maybe, picture frame, candles- finishing touches type things! Not bespoke curtains

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 07:49

Honeyroar, I think they sent two reminders. There was another message overnight urfing the op to pay first thing.

Downright diabolically rude!

They are sending the reminders to pressure her into paying knowing full well that if she hesitates she might ask for other people’s opinions and then the Grifters exploitation of the Op will pointed out to her.

It’s quite possible they haven’t even bought curtains and are just trying to extort the money from her as they have previous form for getting her to pay for something and then using the money for something else.

It’s very sad that the op does not feel she can stand up to them, I hope she does not send the £100

Interested in this thread?

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Events & celebrations General shopping

Rosielily · 14/04/2019 08:02

They're not friends. They're bullies. Don't pay them a penny, and delete and block them from any further communication. At least you won't be in danger of bumping into them as they're in a different country. Good luck!

Friolero · 14/04/2019 08:09

At this stage I wouldn't pay/buy them anything. Friends do not behave like that, so cut all ties and save your money for you.

Ragwort · 14/04/2019 08:10

What exactly is your relationship to these people? How long have they been in your life? They are clearly taking advantage of your kind nature.

Do you actually see them much? Do you spend quality time together? What do they really add to your life? .

GeorgeTheBleeder · 14/04/2019 08:19

Fascinating!

OP what sort of presents have they given you?

Or have they been extraordinarily generous with time or moral or practical support? Have they taken you on holiday? Entertained you lavishly? Introduced you to amazing people? Made any significant positive contribution to your life?

Because if not, I really can’t see why ...

GeorgeTheBleeder · 14/04/2019 08:20

Typed slowly, crossed Ragwort. Same thought!

sanmiguel · 14/04/2019 08:22

OP, if this is for real, you know you have significant issues around pleasing people and being liked that you need to work on. Otherwise, I don't know anyone who's not be saying 'WTF I'm not Beyoncé ya know! I was thinking 20 quid tops for a candle....'
I'd be deleting and blocking and taking some time to focus on your worth.

OhioOhioOhio · 14/04/2019 08:22

Yes. They sound awful.

PinaColadaPlease · 14/04/2019 08:27

It’s never happened to me, but if I chose a gift and asked a friend to transfer that amount, I would never chase them up (or in this case harass someone for the payment.

I suspect that it’s not for curtains, but their request is the height of rudeness and the subsequent requests for payment even worse.

I wouldn’t send anything now. However, if you’re going to try and remain friends I’d send £50 and a cheery note along the lines of wow, they must be an amazing set of curtains, have transferred you my contribution to them. Can’t wait to see them, probably prettier than the dinner plates I suggested!

wombatron · 14/04/2019 08:31

Poor you OP. Hope you got some sleep. I would pay the £100 planned and leave the friendship behind and tell them why. Equally if you're certain it's over, the only thing you have to lose at this stage is your hard earned and saved money so I wouldn't think you're out of line if you didn't send anything at all.

Don't let them bully you. Keep your rainy day fund for yourself - these people don't deserve it or your friendship

TheBubGrower · 14/04/2019 08:33

Even if you were friends with someone as mega rich as Beyonce you wouldn't send reminders for them to send you gifted money! Who does that?! It's so rude. OP you should cut them out of your life for being so disrespectful and do not pay the £100, that's way too generous and you owe them nothing! A gift is a kindness, not an expectation.

I moved in to my new house in September and my brother asked me what we wanted/ needed as a present and insisted on an answer so I suggested gift vouchers for B&Q or similar as we're planning on doing work to the house. He never ended up giving the vouchers, clearly forgot, but I haven't and would NEVER chase him for them!

cariadlet · 14/04/2019 08:42

Bloody hell!

I came on to say that I'd spend £10 or £20 on a housewarming present. I'm in shock after reading the details of the cf people who pretend to be your friends.

OP, please stop thinking of yourself as a mug. You're a lovely person and some far from lovely people are trying to take advantage of your nice nature.

Spending £100 would have been very generous, but they don't deserve that after the way that they've behaved. Either give a token amount or cut them out of your life.

RhubarbAndMustard · 14/04/2019 08:50

What horrible 'friends' they are. You don't need people like that in your life!

As much as you find it hard, please, please summon up the strength to say no and block them as soon as possible.

Sending an invoice AND chasing for payment. Unbelievable CF-ery!!

Then surround yourself with totally normal people who wouldn't dream of asking you to pay an invoice, and who are completely grateful for any gift you decide to give, of any value, if you so wish. This is how normal, non bullying people behave.

SavoyCabbage · 14/04/2019 09:25

There are two people hoping you will give them £550 and two hundred people hoping you don't.

I notice nobody has come on to this thread saying 'you said you would buy them a present so you should up.

TurquoiseLagoon · 14/04/2019 09:36

I'd give them £30 (or nothing) and then make a list of what improvements I could make to my own home with the remaining £520. I'd get a rug for the sitting room and guest room, new towels, set of Denby, a few nice pictures framed etc etc. I'm sure you can write your own list.
Then think why the f would you give that money to those CFs.
They don't value you and they won't appreciate your money / sacrifice.

Then if you want, spend your money on your list and see it as investing in yourself and seeing yourself as a worthwhile person

woodhill · 14/04/2019 09:43

Are these people from another culture where there is a different etiquette and obligation or just CFS.

Speaking to your own family or mutual friends is a good way to sound this out as well.

Are they generous with gifts to you OP?

Nameusernameuser · 14/04/2019 10:35

What that's an insane amount of money! I moved out at 20 with a brand new baby and needed everything, but I saved for that during my pregnancy.

My higher earner dad offered to buy us a housewarming gift, to be honest he could have afforded to buy me the bloody flat I'm renting no issues, I asked for a £45 microwave and even that was a big ask! They're taking the absolute piss out of you.

TanMateix · 14/04/2019 10:42

£550?!?!?

My response to that would be, “I was expecting about £50 tops, sorry!.

Having said that, there are some oil rich countries where more can be expected...

Nofunkingworriesmate · 14/04/2019 10:48

The only people who send reminders that things need to be " paid sharpish" are trades people who have completed a mutually agreed and quoted for job NOT friends
Please reply sharpish... transfer what you can afore and accept friendship is over, have you pissed them off with excessive. Holiday at theirs so they now think you owe them ??

Banhaha · 14/04/2019 10:55

Just caught up with your updates OP. An shocked they have chased you for this. The worst that can happen if you say no is that they might get angry and try and guilt you. If they do this then you can block them and then you won't have to see it. But you will still have your money and you will know they are not true friends. A true friend will be mortified they've caused you so much stress and worry and insist it is their mistake.

Banhaha · 14/04/2019 10:57

But the even if they did come back and say it was a mistake I would be hesitant to be friends with them as they could just know they've pushed it a bit far this time and try again later.

Original poster

NoCanoe · 14/04/2019 12:24

I've sent a message, basically saying....Well, this is all a bit awkward. I knew you wanted something from me but I never foresaw that it would be in the region of £550.

Have we had a Lost In Translation moment? I was thinking more of £100 at the most and I thought that was pretty generous!

OP posts:

AwkwardSquad · 14/04/2019 12:29

Well done, OP! Now to see what sort of response you get. Remember you don’t owe them that £100, let alone the £550!

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