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Original poster

before you had kids, did you want boys or girls or a mixture? Why?

120 replies

beclev24 · 12/04/2019 19:40

Just curious really. Before you had your kids, did you hope to have boys or girls or a mix? What was your ideal and why?

OP posts:

Jellyonawonkyplate · 13/04/2019 08:05

Always imagined I'd have a family of girls as I come from a female heavy family myself and was always very girly. My family of boys has actually changed my life completely, in a positive way. I can't articulate fully on here as would be outing (and long) but I am 100% a better person since having my sons. I look back at my own upbringing and it was actually quite toxic. Not to say my own daughter would have experienced that too but I am glad I don't have to think about it.

Stravapalava · 13/04/2019 08:23

I always saw myself with girls. No particular reason, but it was always just a feeling that I had. I didn't mind either way (and in fact, I was convinced that they were both boys when I was pregnant!) and I ended up with girls.

Happyspud · 13/04/2019 08:26

I wanted 2 boys and 2 girls. I had a preference for daughters probably as I grew up in an 2 girl household and we are close with a great relationship with mum. So it was familiar to me. I also have the impression, rightly or wrongly, that boys don’t spend as much time with their mum when grown up. Or facilitate their presence in their own families as easily as a daughter typically would (more effected by the type of partner they have).

But I’m extremely lucky to have two boys and two girls. And am excited to experience them all growing up. It is just remarkable, despite how hard I fight it, my boys gravitate to my DH and my girls have become a little girls gang with me. Nature? Nurture? Socialisation? I just don’t know.

Usuallyinthemiddle · 13/04/2019 08:28

DS 1 is often to be found on the garden wall chatting to his friend for hours! Mostly football and Pokemon related. Occasional Minecraft tale thrown in. They DO sit and chat!
And DS2 loves to cook and loves craft.
Little people that, if you let them, do their own thing!

Echobelly · 13/04/2019 08:33

I didn't think about it much. I guess I wanted one of each so I could experience both, and I got lucky and that's what happened! Never found out sex while I was pregnant, as I fancied the surprise. My sis was pg at the same time as I was with DS, and she was (correctly) convinced we were both having boys.

Happyspud · 13/04/2019 08:34

My DS does sit and chat but has never sat in a cafe without driving me mad unlike his 3 and 4yr old sisters! It’s weird! They would sit and people watch as the day is long! He’s older and has no interest in it. But again, there has to be an element of socialisation about it. He sees his dad with no interest in sitting having coffee whereas I rub my hands in glee suggesting it. They do seem to associate themselves to us along gender lines.

SleepingSloth · 13/04/2019 08:35

I didn't care which I had but when I was pregnant with my first, I had a strong feeling he was a boy and he was. I didn't have any feeling with my second but my son wanted a brother. He got a sister. I just felt very, very fortunate to have been able to have children and that they were both healthy. I know so many people who have struggled with fertility issues and a few who had scans that revealed serious medical issues with their baby.

I always think that if you have a preference then you probably are imagining stereotypes, boy to go to the football with dad, girl to go shopping with mum....which is all bollocks.

SoundofSilence · 13/04/2019 08:35

I think I was scared of having boys. Too many bad experiences growing up and I never felt comfortable around boys and men. But my boys are a joy and totally changed the way I think. DS1 has lots of female friends in a way I would have found inconcievable (although he still winces at the Prom Dress Wars) and sometimes we chat about what it's like being a teenage boy, which has taken that sense of them being a dangerous 'other' away.

I still have a nagging fear at the back of my mind that I will lose them and won't have that secure family bond that I have with my mum, that I will be the mother in law who gets the occasional duty visit in the name of fairness. Hopefully that will turn out to be wrong too.

LittleMissEngineer · 13/04/2019 08:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Stompythedinosaur · 13/04/2019 09:16

I wanted a boy and a girl, I think because i have a brother so that seemed like a normal family to me.

I got two girls and a bloody love having them. To me, they are perfect.

I have had family members ask if we will try again to have a boy, and it gives me the rage, like they are saying there is something wrong with my dds.

Happyspud · 13/04/2019 09:47

Don’t be ridiculous! Nobody is saying there’s anything wrong with your girls. Just wondering if you have an interest in trying to add a boy to your family dynamic. It’s something I think has crossed every single persons mind regardless of what family you currently have 1. Do we want another child 2. What if that child was a girl 3. What if that child was a boy.

It’s just fun imagining the possibilities. It’s no reflection on the absolute joy you already have,

AliceRR · 13/04/2019 09:58

This is really interesting as I’ve always wanted one of each which is something I thought most people saw as the ideal but seemingly not, having read some of these replies.

I just have a younger brother so I’m one of “one of each” and I like our dynamic so I always thought it would be nice to have a girl and then a boy.

I lost a baby girl recently and as PP said a healthy baby really is the most important thing.

Now I don’t know what I want overall but I’d love another daughter as I had so many plans for my little girl.

Sorry if my reply is a bit sad but explains my reasons for wanting a girl now.

Really I’d just love to have a healthy, living child.

GiantKitten · 13/04/2019 10:03

I still think I have less chance of being involved with grandchildren because the mother always hates the MIL while wanting her own DM to be involved.

“Always” isn’t true at all, & there are plenty of posters on here who get on better with their MILs then their own mothers.

Bathtime17 · 13/04/2019 10:04

I really wanted a girl- I had visions of raising a really strong, independent young woman who would be very close to me even as an adult. Am really ashamed to admit that when I found out I was having a boy I momentarily felt slightly disappointed. I'm not sure why, I suppose I thought boys would be too active and insensitive.

What a bell end I was. My DS is an absolute joy, he loves books and music like me and I love him to bits.

Pregnancy for me really highlighted the gender stereotypes I secretly held. You love you kids no matter which gender they are.

Happyspud · 13/04/2019 10:10

I get on extremely well with my MIL and she lives very close by while my mum is miles away. But she’s not my mum so I am politer and more aware of asking for help etc. She is far more involved with her daughters families than ours, it’s not her fault, she’s the nicest most helpful person. But I run our home and schedule and my DH is too busy to have anything like the relationship she has with his sisters. The dynamic is inevitably different. No matter how fab she is.

problembottom · 13/04/2019 10:11

My DD is 13 weeks old and I did really want a girl. I’m very close to my sisters and nieces and all my friends are female so I think a girl was just more in my comfort zone. I want one more child, DP really wanted a boy so I’d like one for that reason but I’d be equally happy with another girl.

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 10:56

For instance, on a school playground you almost never see groups of girls roughhousting/ randomly wrestling each other/ getting each other into headlocks etc for fun and you almost never see groups of young boys sitting down and having a nice long chat

But that’s down to nurture not nature. It’s on all of us to expect better from our boys. FWIW my boys are not the roughhousing types, both quiet, studious and sensible kids. But maybe that’s because I never subscribed to the Boys Will Be Boys school of parenting.

The ones who are fighting each other instead of sitting around playing nerdy card games (DS2!) probably have parents who excuse their poor behaviour because they’re boys. There are plenty of others who ARE sensitive and kind and would rather sit and have a chat with their friends than wrestle them.

SleepingSloth · 13/04/2019 12:33

“Always” isn’t true at all, & there are plenty of posters on here who get on better with their MILs then their own mothers. confused

This. I don't see my parents as they are awful people. In laws are great, I couldn't ask for better grandparents for my children. They are interested in their lives, they'll do anything for any of us.

ExpletiveDelighted · 13/04/2019 12:39

I was just as close to my late MIL as my own mother.

sparklytwinklyfairylights · 13/04/2019 12:53

Before having DC's I secretly wanted a boy for the sole reason our family was very girl heavy and I really wanted my Dad to have a grandson.

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