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Original poster

before you had kids, did you want boys or girls or a mixture? Why?

120 replies

beclev24 · 12/04/2019 19:40

Just curious really. Before you had your kids, did you hope to have boys or girls or a mix? What was your ideal and why?

OP posts:

Ragwort · 12/04/2019 19:58

Nom you’ve plenty of time,I had my first at 43 .

shelikesemwithamoustache · 12/04/2019 19:58

I desperately wanted a boy as I am not at all feminine, often mistaken for a man etc and couldn’t imagine girly pursuits at all! I had a boy and then second time around wanted a boy again and got a girl. I would say, if anything, my son is more traditionally feminine than my daughter. She doesn’t do girly at all. In retrospect, I realise it doesn’t matter at all and that whatever they like and are into, you’ll love it and then all the same. Can’t imagine having 2 boys now. They fight like cat and dog all day every day though.

LizzieSiddal · 12/04/2019 19:58

I really desperately wanted daughters.

My own mother left when I was 3, so I wanted and needed to have the mother/daughter relationship I never had with my own mum.

I got two DDs and I’m so grateful for that.

pastaparadise · 12/04/2019 19:59

Wanted one of each, possibly with a third of either. I have a brother so It's familiar, and i thought it would be a good mix and possibly help them get on with/ understand the opposite sex (i think having a brother helped me be more confident and natural around boys).

Have 2 ds. When i was pregnant with no. 2 i did secretly want a girl to have that experience, and sometimes feel sad i won't have a daughter as we're not planning on more. But love both ds to bits and it now feels 'right' i have boys.

daisypond · 12/04/2019 20:01

I wanted boys - because I had a tricky relationship with my mum and I was worried about mother-daughter relationships. I have three girls. Can’t imagine it any other way now .

MadeForThis · 12/04/2019 20:01

I wanted a boy and then 2 girls. Had 2 girls. 95% sure I'm done. Ish

Bumpitybumper · 12/04/2019 20:03

I had quite a strong preference for girls and ended up with one of each. Of course I love my son just as much as my daughter, but I would have been disappointed to have never had a daughter.

I think there is too much of a stigma around gender disappointment and it annoys me when people try to shame or guilt parents that have a preference. It's human and normal to have a preference in so many aspects of our lives and it absolutely isn't the same as saying that you won't love or be grateful for the child you get. Males as a class for various reasons (societal and biological) will have different traits and experiences than females, so whilst of course nothing is guaranteed, it is logical that a woman may want a child that is statistically more likely to have more in common with her and vice versa. Of course some may prefer the opposite for whatever reason or genuinely have no preference at all, but there is nothing wrong with having a preference as long as you don't let it impact your relationship with your child

BusySittingDown · 12/04/2019 20:04

Before DC I couldn't have cared less what they were. The sonographer could have told me that I was pregnant with a chimpanzee and I would have been delighted!

After I had DD1 I really wanted another little girl. I wanted a second little DD1 as she was so fabulous. I was delighted to have DD2. However, mini DD1 she was not! They are chalk and cheese but equally as fabulous as each other.

zebrapig · 12/04/2019 20:04

I always wanted one of each but really wanted a girl, as did DH. DD was born first, we were convinced DC2 was a girl, which we'd have both been happy with. Turned out he was a boy and we're equally as happy to have one of each. I've got two friends both with two boys, one is very happy but the other still longs for a girl.

CookieSwirlC · 12/04/2019 20:04

Before kids I wanted a boy then a girl.

Found out dd1 was a girl whilst pregnant and had slight disappointment for a little while. After she was born I could only imagine her having a sister and having 2 girls which happened with dd2.

Frangipane · 12/04/2019 20:04

I wasn't bothered either way, I just wanted children. But having had a boy first, I was thrilled to find out I was getting another one when I was pregnant again. It seemed easier to have 2 boys than to have one of each, and more fun for the existing boy to have a brother. In the end, I had 4: 3 boys and a girl, and I am happy with that combination. I didnt think I would get on with a girl, and for a few years, it was difficult, I admit, but I like having another female in the family now. If I could change anything, I would have liked my dd to have a sister, but only by having a 5th child, not by sacrificing one of my boys.

Itsagrandoldteam · 12/04/2019 20:05

I always wanted several kids, I'm one of 7. I always wanted boys, I'm not very girly, wanted to be able to take my son to football matches and to watch him play.
I have a son, but only one, easy pregnancy then it all went wrong when I gave birth, so couldn't have any more.
I'm so glad I had a boy and we are very close, he says he's glad he's the only one, he sees the problems all his friends have with their brothers and sisters. But I wish I could have had more.

DidTheyBeatTheDrumSlowly · 12/04/2019 20:11

Deep down I wanted a girl, though barely even admited it to myself!
I work with a lot of victims of different kinds of abuse so that was probably a subconscious reason but a lot of my male friends, relatives and colleagues are just useless at making effort with their mothers when the become adults and I know it really gets some mothers down after all the years they put into them and they wish for a stronger relationship.
Of course there are plenty of mothers and daughters that don’t get along too!

Mightywease · 12/04/2019 20:12

We adopted so in a sense we were able to choose whether a girl or boy.

However in reality the choice is based on a number of things involving not just us but social workers, the needs of the child, distance to birth family etc... gender was well down our list of 'choices'

Although when asked by our social worker my husband saw himself with a daughter, me with a son however that was more of an 'imagine' scenario rather than want.

After a couple of false starts as it were involving girls we adopted a wonderful little boy who is perfect for our family.

Deadringer · 12/04/2019 20:17

I hoped to have at least one daughter, but didn't mind beyond that. I ended up with four girls and one boy.

HuntingHeffalumps · 12/04/2019 20:19

I think I wanted a girl to dress up . I got 2 DSs, both very different personalities and dressed them up (appropriately!) while I could.

A few years later I had a DD, who is a little firecracker. Not looking forward to the teenage years.

It's too early for me to say which sex I now prefer as they are too young and too different. It's nice having both though.

SarahAndQuack · 12/04/2019 20:20

I would have been happy with either, and so would DP, but we both hoped we'd have a girl (and we did), because we're two women and we were daunted by the idea of a boy. Now we have DD I realise we would have been just fine! It's really strange how society's ideas get under your skin: we were really worried we'd somehow fail a boy baby who'd be unconsciously seeking a dad!

Jaffacakebeast · 12/04/2019 20:20

I wanted a girl, for the mother daughter relationship and the cute clothes, I also wanted to give her my name

Ella1980 · 12/04/2019 20:21

I would have liked a little girl as I'm very close to my mum and would have liked that mother-daughter bond myself. Ended up with two boys who of couse I love to bits! But I know I am blessed as my fiancé never got to have any bio children. We can't afford to consider one together and I'm 38 now!

Mabellavender · 12/04/2019 20:30

I wanted both and I am lucky enough to have 3 of each I don’t think it makes much difference at first, they’re pretty much the same til they get older.

NoIsACompleteAnswerSometimes · 12/04/2019 20:32

I always wanted girls. Had one first time round, then was pregnant with twins. They were both girls,I never wanted boys.
Fast forward 20odd years, my eldest had her first child. When she had her scan that showed it was a boy, I had a bit of a pang it wasn't a girl, as I didn't know if I could love a boy in the same way, as it's not a girl, IYSWIM, and I've been used to girls.
He's the light of my life, love him to bits and I have him a lot. Couldn't imagine things being different.

Finalyfine · 12/04/2019 20:52

I wanted two girls close in age, then a big break. Followed by two boys again close in age. I now have two boys that I love very much with three year age gap.

BarryTheKestrel · 12/04/2019 20:56

I wanted one of each, preferably an older boy. However when I had DD first, I then wanted another DD. DSs arrival however has given me the best of both worlds.

It's only natural to envision your family and the sex and age difference of your children is part of that. However life rarely works out like the fantasy in your head.

Bamchic · 12/04/2019 21:00

I think in the back of my mind I want daughters. But I think that’s because I have three sisters and live in a fairly large matrifocal family, I’m close to my granny and my mum and my aunts and my female cousin. DHs sister is my best friend and DNeice, my other best friend who I have been friends with since I was 11 is a single mum with 2 DDs, and she is the daughter of a single mum so I think I would be lost with what to do with a boy iyswim.
But honestly I would be elated to fall pregnant and carry a healthy baby to term. No preferences here, just an option that would be marginally less anxiety provoking!
X

Jenniferyellowcat · 12/04/2019 21:01

Pre kids I wanted one boy. I got a girl and a boy (and would love one more of either but am not allowed).

When I was pregnant with my first I secretly wanted a girl but only for the first half of the pregnancy when it was all still imaginary. After that I just wanted whoever was in my tummy (I didn’t find out).

I was tickled pink to have a girl but my second is a boy and I can’t express the love I have for little boys since having him. I’d order another any day.

I look at people with multiple boys and think they are very lucky.

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