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Original poster

before you had kids, did you want boys or girls or a mixture? Why?

120 replies

beclev24 · 12/04/2019 19:40

Just curious really. Before you had your kids, did you hope to have boys or girls or a mix? What was your ideal and why?

OP posts:

LadyKylieShagworthy · 12/04/2019 23:20

Sorry I was being flippant with my comment about boys. I'm sure if I'd had one I'd be equally happy.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 12/04/2019 23:41

I always wanted a boy,reasons vary from totally stupid to thinking I would bond more and have more in common with a boy.
My reaction after seeing the two lines was "Oh shit it's a girl!".

I wouldn't change her for the world now and I'm sticking to one because that's all we can afford. If I were to have another,it would be nice to have boy , one of each sex but wouldn't really care either way. It's not happening anyways.

Mintandthyme · 12/04/2019 23:46

Have one of each. So happy with that. They have enriched our lives in so many ways. We have been so lucky.

TheKrakening3 · 12/04/2019 23:47

I wanted three children and genuinely didn’t care about their sex. I never found out their sex prior to the births either. Got my three now and it’s great.

Pitapotamus · 13/04/2019 00:05

How old are your boys OP?

I have three boys, 7, 5 and 2. I think if I was asked before i had them I’d have said I’d prefer a mixture but if I had to have all the same I would have gone for all girls!!

Deep down I feel desperately sad I will never have a daughter, I feel like everyone around me has a daughter and I walk past mothers and daughters in the street and it makes me feel sad that I won’t ever have that.

However, none of those sad feelings are to do with the awesome kids I do have, they are just to do with the imaginary kid I don’t have. It’s a strange feeling because my boys are great and I think I’m actually pretty well suited to being a mum of three boys.

Even though I have these feelings myself it still annoys me both when I get a pity look from people about having 3 boys and when I get the head tilt and the insincere “boys are great” comments from others. I’m perhaps being over sensitive though.

Jenniferyellowcat · 13/04/2019 00:19

It’s sad that you feel you get a pity look. By the way my comment above about boys definitely wasn’t insincere. I couldn’t adore my little boy more. He is endlessly fascinating.

I think the (perceived?) obsession with having a girl is really odd. What is it about? Wanting something you ‘know’ because you are one? I don’t get it. I admit I felt it (briefly) at one point and I still don’t get it.

Jenniferyellowcat · 13/04/2019 00:25

none of those sad feelings are to do with the awesome kids I do have, they are just to do with the imaginary kid I don’t have

When I had my DD I felt weirdly sad about the imaginary boy I didn’t have because I had spent the whole pregnancy thinking she was a boy.

And I feel the same about the imaginary third child I won’t have.

CakeNinja · 13/04/2019 00:30

Genuinely didn’t care either way with the first 2, both girls born within 15 months of each other. 6 years later We had another and I was so upset to find out it was a boy - because I only had girls who were close and didn’t fight and liked each other. I had a young sister and mainly nieces (6! Only 1 nephew!) and 4 god daughters. Girls was pretty much all I knew. Dreaded the thought of Spider-Man cartoons, tanks, football, all that stereotypical boy stuff. As soon as I had him, I apologised for thinking it would be bad because I already loved him so much
Turns out having a boy is pretty cool. He’s 7 now and very different from his sisters but not bad like I expected. Far from it!

notangelinajolie · 13/04/2019 00:40

I wanted girls. Specifically sisters. Mainly because, I didn't have one (my own big sister was still born). My best childhood friend had a sister. My best friend at secondary school/adulthood had a sister. I used to see these girl/sister relationships as something wonderful and lovely and always thought I would like that. I have a brother and while we are close - we don't have anything like the closeness my three DD's have.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 13/04/2019 00:45

I honestly wasn't bothered.
However,I was convinced I'd have all boys.
I just couldn't picture myself with a girl.

It took me months to get my head around it when dd was born.

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 00:49

I came from a family of brothers and sisters so I imagined a mix when I had my own too.

It always seemed really strange to me how many of my friends had one sister, so two girls in their family. To me, a mix of boys and girls made more sense.

I didn’t find out the sex of any of them before they were born. Bedrooms and clothes were all unisex bright colours and neutrals, but on a balance of probabilities I ended up with a mix (3 DCs) which is great. However by DC3 (DD) I was more than happy if I ended up with three boys, was actually quite surprised when she came out!

I’ve brought them all up to be gender critical as much as possible, so none of them are particularly ‘boyish’ or ‘girly’ though, so it doesn’t really make any difference. They all played the same games, wore much the same (still having to buy DD boys shoes for school as girls ones are so impractical!) and their personalities are very much their own - no football mad boys or pouting Instagram girls here!

Stroller15 · 13/04/2019 00:49

I've got 2 boys and always thought I'd have girls. I've only got sisters and thought boys were almost mythical, mysterious creatures growing up! I do wonder whether we should try for a girl as you hear all these 'daughters are for life' and terrible MIL stories but then I think im just going to raise my boys to never leave me ;) I am happy the 2 have the same interests and play together.

NotFatTransslender · 13/04/2019 00:55

I also do wonder sometimes if they would have been a bit calmer if they had been girls

My DD is by far the most hyper, accident prone and boisterous of the 3! DS2 is the most sensitive and affectionate. DD is loving but in a “run up and knock you over, head butting you in the chin” way . She’s like a large excitable puppy!

I can’t believe people are so rude about your lovely boys - I always think how cute it is when I see a family with lots of boys. I’d much rather that than 3 girls I think, but maybe because I was a mum of boys first that feels more like me!

Please don’t let people’s insensitive waffling get to you - I wouldn’t be without my boys for anything. There’s something quite wonderful about having a child who towers over you put his arm round you!

MarthasGinYard · 13/04/2019 01:11

We both really wanted a girl, if I'm totally honest and had one.

Second pregnancy, found out he was a boy quite early on. Felt a little deflated and guilty for feeling so.

We lost at 18 weeks. Felt so guilty. Sex really doesn't matter at all.

YouBumder · 13/04/2019 01:18

I wanted a boy first as I hadn’t really had many boys or men in my life other than my dad and my husband. Got him and then another for good measure

YouBumder · 13/04/2019 01:21

We stopped at 2 girls partly because I didn't want to risk having a boy.

Och you can always just abort or put them up for adoption you know.

Mygingercat · 13/04/2019 01:22

Girls

Yabbers · 13/04/2019 01:22

Didn't "want" either or, but as our family seemed to bear boys rather than girls I always assumed I'd have boys.

When I found out she was a girl I was, shocked and a little disappointed. Having had her, I think I'd prefer another girl. But frankly, as it's so unlikely to happen, I would be happy as Larry no matter what.

snop · 13/04/2019 02:04

With my first wanted girl I don't know why, I had dd and always knew I wanted another girl with dd2 not planing on having anymore but if I was to have another I would want. Girl. I think it's because I've only ever know girls in my family we have one male under thirty and although I love him to bits I don't really see myself with a boy

snop · 13/04/2019 02:30

I also do wonder sometimes if they would have been a bit calmer if they had been girls

Are you messing my dd are wild, 🤔

Original poster

beclev24 · 13/04/2019 04:29

I get the "my DD is as wild as any boy" comments and of course there is so much individual variation and many many exceptions to every rule, but pretty much everyone I know who has worked in schools/ childcare settings says that as a group, boys are more boisterous and physical and girls are calmer and better able to sit still etc at young ages. For instance, on a school playground you almost never see groups of girls roughhousting/ randomly wrestling each other/ getting each other into headlocks etc for fun and you almost never see groups of young boys sitting down and having a nice long chat....

OP posts:

Breathingfire · 13/04/2019 05:21

I wanted girls. I had two brothers and would have loved a sister growing up, even now nearly 30 and I'd love a sister. I always felt left out amongst my brothers so I'd hoped to have either girls or boys so they'd have more in common.

I've got two girls, I know everyone says it but I really do feel so lucky. DD1 is a very girly girl with a fantastic imagination but equally, we live on a farm and she loves being out with the animals playing in the muck, riding the tractor and helping her dad.

kaytee87 · 13/04/2019 07:27

Before I had children I wanted a boy and a girl. Now I have one son I would quite like another boy but not too bothered either way.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 13/04/2019 07:31

I wasn't bothered, had 2 dds and was upset if anyone suggested I must be disappointed that dd2 wasn't a boy. (Such comments only came from neighbours from very boy-favouring cultures).

I was very broody for a while after 2, but I wouldn't have cared what a 3 might have been - just wanted another baby.

I always feel sorry for babies whose parents badly wanted the other. I still feel a pang for the poor little baby in a very curt birth announcement years ago - 'To X and Y, a fifth and final daughter.'

reallyanotherone · 13/04/2019 07:44

wanted a girl. I like pretty dresses and makeup, I could pass on my jewellery to her, she’d inherit my beautiful long blonde hair and I could style it for her, and there’d be more chance of me eventually being involved with my grandchildren

Yeah. This is also what my mother thought. Guess what. I hate jewellery, dresses and having my hair done. I resented the control my mother exerted over my looks trying to force me to be something I’m not. She has very little to do with my children as again she is open about her disapproval over their clothes and hair, and all she wants to do is take them shopping or to get nails done.

My sister does happen to like all that crap and they have a great relationship, and she sees my nephews and nieces a lot. Further emphasising what a failure as a girl I am.

It’s not sex. It’s societal expectation and stereotypes.

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