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Original poster

my sister may be the reason i may not get married

197 replies

sabrina1234 · 03/04/2019 00:59

so i dont want to make it seem like my sister has been the only person in the wrong. but i think explaining the situation will give a better picture of the situation.
so basically my boyfriend and sister seemed to get along in the beginning until my bf started being petty. so it all started from me being on facetime with my sister, he overheard that she wasnt letting me borrow her headphones and once she left the room he said shes disrespectful and will give her some words. i told him to leave it and he continued to message her anyway and say really nasty things that were just uncalled for, such as ,,hope you get raped and your dad beats you and you should respect your sister''. this really upset me and he never apologised. my sister obviously replied back to him and was extremely upset over it and so was i. i was dumb to have never made him apologise and was doing the apologising to both of them. then the second situation he messaged my sister by logging into my facebook account after me and him had an argument and started saying things like ''why have you been talking shit about me to your sister (as in me)''. which she hadnt been doing he just needed to take his anger out, and she replied with something quite bad, whic was along the lines of i hope your dad dies (his dad had cancer and has now passed away). i was shocked that she even said this, now i know my sister she is not an evil person and he really pushed her for her to say something like this, up til this point he always made remarks and digs and she ignored them till she finally said that. this of course sparked an argument between me and him too and i told him he should not have said anything to my sister as he is 4 years older than her and should have been the mature one and not said anyting in the first place. like what does he expect, he can say mean things and the other person will just sit there quiet. now i know what she said was out of order but when i mention what he had done was bad too he goes on the defense saying that i am comparing and what she said was worse. he eventually said he would apologise to her and would sort things with her but after his dad passing he wants nothing to do with her. this was brought up as he was supposed to be meeting with my mother this friday and says that he doesnt want to meet her due to the situation with my sister, i have met his family and sisters and they are sweet especially his mother and had met his dad before he passed also, however one thing that stuck with me when he mentioned this was that he said ''i want you to respect me and my family and tell her that i want nothing to do with her''..this just struck me because where was the respect for me and my family when he said those things to my sister..i know each family has their problems and issues and there would be another set of problems if i was to be with someone else, but i just think will it work between me and him if he doesnt get along with my sister and doesnt want to either, i just want some advice from someone experienced and tell me if im in over my head or it is something that i could work on

OP posts:
YemenRoadYemen · 03/04/2019 03:46

You wonder where Jeremy Kyle gets his endless stream of candidates from, and then you come on here, and...

lyralalala · 03/04/2019 03:48

Why would you want to marry a man who made such a vile comment about rape?

Also when someone shows you who they are you should listen - in his world it's clearly alright for him to ignore your wishes, cause hassle for your family and say vile things, but as soon as anyone says anything to him then they are to be cut out.... Also he is annoyed with your sister, but won't meet your Mum which sounds very much like trying to isolate you from your family to me. If you marry him that is the life you will be living.

Toddlerteaplease · 03/04/2019 03:49

He sounds dreadful. Get out of this relationship. Run for the hills and never look back. He sounds very nasty. And is acting like a child.

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Relationship problems
mathanxiety · 03/04/2019 04:01

I assume from your OP that this isn't a case of hoping to get married in general but that you specifically want to get married to this turd?

If your answer is yes, then I am here to tell you that there are worse things than staying single.

Far worse things.

polarpig · 03/04/2019 04:14

Your sister is not the problem here. The idiot that you are thinking about marrying is. I wouldn't blame your sister if she went NC with both of you.

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 04:54

What kind of sister are you???? I'm surprised that your family members are speaking to you

*He wishes rape on your sister because of an argument over headphones?

Yet somehow it's HER fault you won't be getting married?!

Why do you want to marry such a person?*

This

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 03/04/2019 05:00

I would have binned him the miment he said he wished rape on simeone. Disgusting. I didn't bother reading beyond that because that tells you all you need to know.

This is not how normal people behave. Your boyfriend is a disturbed person. You deserve better.

strawberrisc · 03/04/2019 05:23

I can’t read without paragraphs.

Ohyesiam · 03/04/2019 05:35

Sounds like a great reason not to marry this oaf.
Normal people do not do this over headphones, set your bar higher and get yourself a decent boyfriend.

Can’t believe he can say these awful things to your sister while talking about respect.

redexpat · 03/04/2019 05:37

Respect goes 2 ways and he has little to none for you and your family. Im not even sure he knows what respect actually means but rather thinks its short hand for be submissive to. Respect yourself and get rid.

Aimily · 03/04/2019 05:42

I'm sorry... He's demanding respect from you for him and his family yet has failed to give you the same courtesy?

No no and no, he had no right to talk to your sister the way he did, no right to log into your Facebook account and send her messages.

Both of those instances tell you so much about him, and not wanting to meet your mother because of this? He's creating excuses to be controlling, run! You don't want to even consider staying with him, forget marriage to this one. Your sister if you think she is to blame for not marrying him, how? She would be saving you.

kateandme · 03/04/2019 06:14

as soon as he said those things to your sis he would have been gone.
and I would be going to your sister right now to make sure she is ok.u sound so young yourselves so if she is 4 years younger she must be very frightened!
a man worth marrying does not look like this.

GertrudeCB · 03/04/2019 06:17

He is a nasty piece of work. I feel sorry for your sister.

Ellenborough · 03/04/2019 06:20

What the actual fuck? Hmm

my sister may be the reason i may not get married

Looks like your sister has done you a massive favour then.

If there is even a tiny part of you that thinks this revolting man/boy/thing is a good bet for marriage then you need a psychiatrist.
And no, I'm not joking.

TheSerenDipitY · 03/04/2019 06:26

hope you get raped
right there is when you should have told him it was over, right there

IncrediblySadToo · 03/04/2019 06:27

I can’t read without paragraphs

I’m sure you can get help for that.

SinkGirl · 03/04/2019 06:28

No, his behaviour is the reason you won’t be marrying him (I hope) and thank fuck for that. You really need to get away from him - this is not a sane and stable person.

Feb2018mumma · 03/04/2019 06:31

I married with a baby but my husband told my sister he wanted her to be raped I would leave him.

Feb2018mumma · 03/04/2019 06:32

'I am married' not 'I married', I sound like a cavewoman!

seeingdots · 03/04/2019 06:35

Wow he sounds like a right piece of work. I would guess it's only a matter of time before you put a toe out of line (in his book) and the abuse starts on you.

pictish · 03/04/2019 06:44

What you ought to work on is understanding that your boyfriend is a bad choice in the first place.
He was completely in the wrong to contact your sister and say what he did. It’s actually really outlandish behaviour on his part. He might tell you he did it out of loyalty to you but that’s not true...he did it because he felt like it. He enjoys having discord and abusing people, has successfully created bad feeling between you and your sister and I can guarantee it won’t be long before he turns that spite on you.
He’s a fucking ghoul. Wake up!

Belenus · 03/04/2019 06:44

i told him to leave it and he continued to message her anyway and say really nasty things that were just uncalled for, such as ,,hope you get raped and your dad beats you and you should respect your sister''

I'd dump him for that. He's a wanker, which is a good reason not to go out with him, let alone marry him, whatever your sister thinks.

Mummyoflittledragon · 03/04/2019 06:46

He told your sister he hoped she’d be raped by her father. And you’re still with him because???

The reason you may not be getting married isn’t your sister. The reason is because he’s a vile pig. I suspect he and your sister fancy eachother.

Ellenborough · 03/04/2019 06:47

'I can’t read without paragraphs'

I’m sure you can get help for that.

I've given up on many a long, un-paragraphed stream of consciousness. It's too much like hard work and I cease to care about whatever the OP's issues are. If I have to work too hard to just read it, I simply can't be bothered.

pictish · 03/04/2019 06:47

Seriously, this piece of shit will ruin your life.
Run away...run far far away. You have been warned.

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