Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Would you drive dd to and from the bus stop?

105 replies

twosoups1972 · 02/04/2019 15:49

Dd is 12 and started secondary school last September. It's an easy journey on one bus.

Bus stop is about a 7 min walk from home, uphill on the way there and obviously downhill coming home.

Dd keeps asking for a lift to the bus stop. Some mornings dh is going anyway so she goes with him. Other days she usually persuades me to drive her. Often she'll message me in the afternoon to pick her up with various excuses - her pe bag is heavy, it's hot/cold/raining etc.

Because I only work part time and I'm nice I normally agree but now dd is starting to expect it.

WWYD?

OP posts:
adaline · 02/04/2019 19:45

Jesus, no way!

The only time I'd ever drive that distance would be if it was absolutely pissing down or I had a really heavy item to deliver or carry, or I was injured in some way.

Bluetrews25 · 02/04/2019 20:53

No, I would not.
Takes me longer than that to walk into work from the staff car park.
Get her a waterproof coat.

hunibuni · 02/04/2019 21:02

I do drop DD off most mornings since it's on my way and reduces stress first thing. I'll occasionally meet her off the bus too if I'm already close by or it's bucketing, but most days she'll walk home.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

12 year olds
Lauren1983 · 02/04/2019 21:02

My daughter has been doing a walk twice that length since she was 4 and I often walked the 40 mins home from school when I was that age. YWNBU at all not to drop her off.

Breakers · 02/04/2019 21:02

I would not drive anywhere that was a 7 minute walk away if there was a footpath regardless of the weather unless I was transporting something that I couldn't carry like a weekly shop. I wouldn't want to encourage my children to think a 7 minute walk was 'a walk' either. It isn't. It would be better for her health and the environment if you said you wouldn't be driving her anymore. You don't even need to bring up the inconvenience to you. It probably takes you more than 7 minutes to get there and back and your time is presumably as important as hers.

CitrusDreams · 02/04/2019 21:04

I'd think 7 mins walk would equate to 2 mins driving - no point even getting the car out for that really. Only exceptions I can think of are if she's really ill (in which case you'd probably pick her up straight from school) or if it's snowing (in which case it wouldn't be safe to drive anyway) or if she had something ridiculously heavy to carry (P.E bag isn't extremely heavy lol)

ChanklyBore · 02/04/2019 21:15

Child of same age who walks just over 2miles to school each day uphill weighed down like a bloody pack pony with books, pe bag and food tech and packed lunch and drinks and god knows what else. Yet to learn any tricks for packing light.

Takes them an hour because they faff about on the way. At least it’s downhill on the way home. But no I don’t drive them, I need to get to work.

C0untDucku1a · 02/04/2019 21:19

Id be more likely to agree to give a lift there rather than back. Theres no hurry to get back after school. My walk to school was twenty minutes. No way my mum would have driven us there unless she was going to work at the same time. She would never have thought about picking us up as it was walking distance. My dad walked to work so he wouldnt either as he literally worked across the road.

When i was 18 she once refused to pick me up from the town centre at 11pm. I explained all the taxis were on strike and i had no other way of getting home. Still she refused as she was watching tv. That was an hour walk. In the dark. Late at night on a friday mostly on my own as we lived on the very edge of town. It was 22 years ago. I might let it go next year...

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 02/04/2019 21:35

That’s a good point a pp made - if you are around and not busy why not walk to the bus stop to meet her and walk home with her?

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 02/04/2019 21:38

Duckula in my 20s I lived not far from my parents, no car. I once felt really incredibly ill but the doctor’s was a good 20 minute walk away. I rang my mum (retired, at home that day, not busy) to ask if she could come over and drive me to the docs - she refused. Eventually I rang her back and begged her to take me which she very grudgingly did. This was over 20 years ago and I haven’t forgotten she did it.

I don’t ever want to be like that. Some people clearly don’t mind if they are, that’s up to them.

mbosnz · 02/04/2019 21:40

Nope. Not unless it's raining.

Original poster
twosoups1972 · 02/04/2019 22:59

weeping that's a bit different though isn't it? I would do that in a heartbeat. But it's more the day to day lifts.

Someone who asked if she gets scared at the bus stop.....no I don't think it's that at all. I think she just finds school really tiring and wants to get home fast.

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 02/04/2019 23:06

I would refuse on environmental grounds but offer to walk it with her when I had time.

She’s a teen (or very nearly) she will refuse but you retain the glorious moral high ground 🤣

Ontheboardwalk · 02/04/2019 23:17

I wouldn’t drive myself a 7 minute walk and I’m a lazy fecker

SeaToSki · 02/04/2019 23:41

So on the basis that you want to re set the expectation that it is an occasional treat and not something you will be nagged into.....

Start arranging something so you have to be out of the house just when she needs picking up, sorry love, I cant Im not at home.

Get DH to go to work a little early except for Fridays ‘treat day’. You hold firm in the mornings.

After a couple of weeks, sit down and layout the new rules. Lifts on Friday mornings if DH is going at that time, and one pick up, or whatever you all thing is ok. Allow for some exceptions, broken legs, hurricanes etc 😀

SleepingSloth · 02/04/2019 23:52

I think she just finds school really tiring and wants to get home fast.

Bless her. Days at secondary school felt some of the longest I've ever had. There's no right or wrong here, of course she'll be fine if you don't give her a lift but I'm confused why you think you shouldn't or don't want to. I don't really understand the problem if she comes to 'expect' a lift. It's just a lift.

llangennith · 02/04/2019 23:53

I'd do it and I did do it for my DC. Why wouldn't you? It's letting them know you care and teaching them it's nice to do things for other people. My 3DC are grown up now and happy to help others.

FurrySlipperBoots · 03/04/2019 00:01

If she finds school so tiring how come she's able to keep up the dancing? She just sounds like a lazy tween to me! I had a half hour walk each way from the school bus at her age - an hour for the college bus. Giving her a 7 minute lift, excepting in really extreme weather conditions, is ridiculous.

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 00:09

I absolutely 100% would not drive her, not even in bad weather, for a 7 minute walk.

Seeing walking as a default/necessary mode of transport is a great gift you can give your kiddo and something I wish I had.

I might get flamed for this but I got a lot of lifts as a kid because where we lived there wasn’t much about/wasn’t great transport links. As an adult I am lazy and don’t walk even a small percentage of what I should. Often ask DH to drive me to the shops which is a 15 minute walk away and would be good exercise. I find it so hard to self motivate around this issue.

Somerville · 03/04/2019 00:15

It might help to wean her off the lifts if you walk over some times to meet her and then walk home together. I do that a fair bit with my 12YO - it's nice to have the time together. And when she's had PE her bags are a lot to manage, actually; plus, her knowing that I will definitely meet her some days has stopped her asking every day.

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 00:29

@Somerville

That seems like an amazing solution!

Somerville · 03/04/2019 00:43

It's certainly hard for them to phone and moan about the 'long' walk when they know that yesterday you did twice the length to help them with their PE bag. Wink

Tweety1981 · 03/04/2019 00:47

Is she being bullied by other children ? Is she afraid to walk alone for any reason ?

Might be useful to check

timeisnotaline · 03/04/2019 00:57

This is not about not helping and being unkind. It’s about teaching them terrible habits. Incidental exercise is critical for basic health, apart from good for the planet. so yes very occasionally for a treat or if she’s unwell, but otherwise no. I’d be more likely to walk to meet her. My 3yo walks further than that to nursery most days (and the bus is door to door ) - walking is good for you!
Maybe get her a cheap Fitbit so she can see the steps add up?

timeisnotaline · 03/04/2019 00:58

I see Somerville has already suggested walking to meet her, snap.

Swipe left for the next trending thread