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Original poster

Would you drive dd to and from the bus stop?

105 replies

twosoups1972 · 02/04/2019 15:49

Dd is 12 and started secondary school last September. It's an easy journey on one bus.

Bus stop is about a 7 min walk from home, uphill on the way there and obviously downhill coming home.

Dd keeps asking for a lift to the bus stop. Some mornings dh is going anyway so she goes with him. Other days she usually persuades me to drive her. Often she'll message me in the afternoon to pick her up with various excuses - her pe bag is heavy, it's hot/cold/raining etc.

Because I only work part time and I'm nice I normally agree but now dd is starting to expect it.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 02/04/2019 16:38

Nope. The more you do it the more of a habit she will get into of relying on the car for unnecessary journeys.

Unless she is ill or injured or the weather is really really shit then walk

BitchQueen90 · 02/04/2019 16:41

No but I'm a single mum and I can't drive anyway. My DS is going to have to learn to be independent quickly because I can't ferry him around!

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/04/2019 16:45

It's about seven minutes to school from our house, never given a lift. I would if it was tipping it down and he asked but not just for tired etc.

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12 year olds
HappyGoGoLucky · 02/04/2019 16:50

No.

I had to walk an hour to school and back every day when I was at school. Tell her to get on with it!

Bunnybigears · 02/04/2019 16:52

No way would I be giving a lift for this! Maybe a 15 minute walk with a double bass but not 7 mins with normal school equipment.

AnneOfCleanTables · 02/04/2019 16:53

I wouldn't unless there's some backstory eg this is the only way she gets one-on-one time with you.
I wouldn't use the car if I had to go somewhere that was a 7 minute walk so there's no way I'd be driving DC such a short distance.

widgetbeana · 02/04/2019 16:54

This was me as a teen. My mum used to drive me in rain, storm or period pain! All other instances were greeted with a sarcastic long suffering face and 5e start of some story about walking 19 miles on shoes made of broken glass! All done is good humour of course.

In seriousness we decided what was reasonable for me to expect, period pain days were the ones I was worried about, they were often why I made some other excuse. So when we sat down and discussed it , it got easier.

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 02/04/2019 16:59

Nope. DC walks to and from school every day. 15-20 min walk.
On a very rare occasion if it is torrential rain I will go and park at the school gates and text that I’m there.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/04/2019 17:03

We drive DS most days, slightly longer journey to the bus stop. However, DS has a very long day, with the commute and after school activities he has a 10.5hr day. DH drops him off in the morning on the way to work, and I pick him up, or share with another mum. He also has a very heavy school bag (old fashioned school with text books) and has a lot of homework in the evening, so want to get him home as soon as possible. Also reduces the time he has to get up in the morning.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 02/04/2019 17:10

I think there's a balance between being kind and encouraging independence. I actually think on a lot of threads MN can tend towards the unkind-for-the-sake-of-it, but I'd like to think that if I show kindness then perhaps one day when it's pissing down or I'm just knackered DD will be the one to jump in the car and pick me up.

My parents were certainly of a type that MN would love, they would rarely life a finger to help out even if they had nothing else on. It took meeting the families of friends and boyfriends to realise lots of people aren't like that and are happy to offer a lift, for example.

Original poster
twosoups1972 · 02/04/2019 17:18

Thank you, interesting responses, lots to think about. I'm not very good at ignoring the emotional blackmail from dd - 'plzzzz Mummy'....'but you love me' etc etc Grin

She is (mildly) ASD if it makes a difference. It shouldn't do really.

OP posts:
SleepingSloth · 02/04/2019 17:22

I would. Youve said she gets plenty of exercise so if you are around, I don't see the problem. I remember having some really shit days at secondary school and just wanting to get home.

Being kind to children doesn't mean they don't become independent and take the piss. I think them knowing you will help them out eventually makes kids more confident, they know you are there if they need you and are willing to try more things knowing this.

Absolutely can't stand the 'I had to do it so why shouldn't they' attitude. I'm here to make my children independent but also if I can make their lives easier on small things like this, I will.

Andylion · 02/04/2019 18:10

Making her walk for 7 minutes is not being unkind.
FFS.

jackparlabane · 02/04/2019 18:28

Is she scared of being alone at the bus stop? Are there other kids who might be unnerving her/winding her up?

Leeds2 · 02/04/2019 18:41

I would remind her that she is very lucky that DH takes her to the bus stop some mornings.
And I wouldn't pick her up to save a 7 minute walk. Unless it was torrential rain. I think the walk will do her good, time to clear her head before she gets home.
Fwiw, I used to drive my DD to her bus stop, to save a 30 min walk, from years 7 - 9. After that, I drove her halfway, so she had a probably 10 min walk. Same for the return journeys.

WhenZogateSuperworm · 02/04/2019 18:43

I had to walk 1 mile to school and back every day and although my mum was at home she never gave me a lift- even in torrential rain!

xyzandabc · 02/04/2019 18:50

7 min walk, no way unless it was absolutely chucking it down.

My dd is also 12 and it's a good 25/30 mins walk to the bus. I do give her a lift, but that's not so much about the walking distance. If I didn't drive her, she'd be leaving the house at 7am and not home until 5.20pm which I think I a very long day for a 12 yr old. The driving means she leaves at 7.30 and home by 5.

FrancisCrawford · 02/04/2019 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
twosoups1972 · 02/04/2019 18:51

superworm how do you feel about that now? Was it because she couldn’t, working etc, or did she just refuse?

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 02/04/2019 18:52

If it's just a 7 minutes walk, and you don't the need the car immediately afterwards, why not just walk together and enjoy some 1:1 time?

northernlites · 02/04/2019 19:02

I would get her to walk...
It's good for the head/mind, time to think, even if only 7 mins each way
The fresh air will do her good as well as the hill
It builds resilience and not reliance
It's more eco friendly
It's not a hardship
As a pp said sometimes you could walk together if she wanted

I would drive if the route was unsafe/ awful weather or other extenuating circumstances

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/04/2019 19:03

No, no and no.
I'd have never done it in the first place.

BitchQueen90 · 02/04/2019 19:28

Maybe it's because I don't have a car but I find the idea of driving a 7 minute walk bizarre. Why do people have such an aversion to walking?

I used to walk to school, it was about a 40 minute walk each way but me and my friend used to do it together and really enjoyed it. There was a bus that we could catch but we preferred to walk.

Thatsnotmyotter · 02/04/2019 19:32

Absolutely not unless she genuinely had lots to carry (food tech stuff and a pe kit maybe?) or the weather was truly awful. Otherwise it’s a short walk and she can crack on with it. Unnecessary driving is bad for the planet and just fosters further laziness.

corythatwas · 02/04/2019 19:43

Why wouldn't you? Because of the environment, that's why. Wrecking the planet before she is grown up- and teaching her habits that will wreck the planet- is really not being kind.

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