Am I ungrateful for this reaction to Mother's Day?

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Earlier in the week I told DH what I was getting my Mum as I got a discount code to share from the seller. He said for once he was sorted but couldn't tell me what it was as it's the same as his Mum.
Today we have gone out and he said " oh your gift is out for delivery so you won't get it !" I said can't you tell them to leave with a neighbour?
Just now a message cane from MIL thanking us for X gift. So now I know the gift as he didn't bother to tell her to not mention it and I probably won't get it on the day.
Just some flowers on the day would have been great. He said I'm ungrateful, I feel like the lack of care is an insult.

All my life I've been waiting for a man who loved me enough to buy me cheese......

Has he got an older, single brother?

#hopeful

Next time tell him what you want. Dh is rubbish with gifts. I text him photos and which shop to procure said items and he takes dd out but doesn’t tell her about my texts. He’s very good at picking flowers.

Agreed Greenlegobox

im just over 40 and to me Mother's Day is still more about my own Mum and MIL
even though I have two children.

My youngest (11) has made me something at school, my other child 22 will visit with his lovely partner. A lovely day!

My mother will visit my sister in the cemetery and I will see her later.

It's all too materialistic.

If he or his mum love cheese and you feel that it’s just another ingredient to cook with, would never order a cheese board instead of dessert because you’re a complete chocoholic then it is an unreasonable gift because he has not thought of you or involved his dc in buying it.

Of course he should make a bit of effort and get his dc involved - at least in ideas! One of my dc always has hugely ambitious expensive ideas for father’s day - and much as I’d love to have £30k to spare for a camper van for dh - I don’t. But I can encourage dc to use it for other ideas (camper van cook book, camper van mug, T-shirt with camper van on,you get the picture) to end up with something that dh would like that’s within budget that dc have had an input into.

Just defaulting to whatever he is buying for mil is lazy and thoughtless if your not a crazy cheese fan.

Seriously? Get a grip. Sometimes plans don't quit work out and things come late. And as for the business about his mum spoiling the surprise. Really??

Unless you have made it extremely clear to him that seamlessly planned gift giving from him on Mothers Day is an absolutely essential part of how you feel loved and appreciated (which would be weird, but, whatever...) then YABU.

Don't think DH every organized Mothers Day gift giving on the children's behalf. They always made cards at school so that was sorted. When they were of an age to do that kind of thing he helped facilitate them giving me breakfast in bed.

Honestly, life's much less stressful that way!

I don't think you are being U OP.

If your kids have disabilities and he hasn't bothered to organise your present properly just added on something when he was sorting HIS mum....

It's not his fault it's late unless he ordered it late...

I assumed it worked like this. As a baby you get the mother a card and a small gift, then when they are older it becomes a hand made card and something small they can give. Once they are adults they give a card a bought present.

There's also the stage where they make breakfast in bed where you get a ruined kitchen, coffee made using the hot tap and cereal.

Iwouldprefernotto this is my understanding of it too.

Does MIL like cheese? If she does, and he ordered the same for both of you (probably to get a discount or make it easier), then I think YANBU. It's fair to expect something you like, not what his mother likes.

Bloody hell, the vipers are well and truly out today. I'm assuming that with two young kids, both disabled, that you have a pretty full on life, possibly more so than more than a few people here. Expecting a bit of fuss for one day isn't much to ask.

I don't much care for Mother's Day, I've asked for the card that dd2 made me in school, and lots of cuddles. But equally I don't think it's too much to ask to expect a bit of an effort.

I have never had a gift for Mother's Day. A small bunch of flowers and a card, at most - all fine by me. Are gifts on Mother's Day a thing?

Crikey, yes you are being ungrateful. You're not his mother so he could have easily not gotten you anything at all and just bought for his DM.

Why are people being obtuse, a husband clearly buys for the children and also to say thank you for mothering our children.

So, I'm guessing his mother and possibly him like cheese if you're not that big of a fan.

Not any thought has gone into you at all, he was checking out his Mother's gift and just added two to the basket.

I wouldn't expect a gift for mothers day, we just have breakfast or lunch out, share a treat, it's not a birthday.

Get him a jar of branston pickle for fathers day and nothing else!!
Yes of course it's his responsibility to get you something decent on behalf of the children xx

Palominoo - me too!

I'm reading this thread and drooling at the thought!

I agree with you op. No your not his mother but you are raising his kids. Why is your present late yet mils dropped off?

We can't all go out for meals as a family etc due to one dcs severe disability and challenging behaviour. We certainly don't have a breakfast in bed lifestyle, on any day of the year unfortunately. It's just a different life and I'm not complaining, the best present is my kids, I also get cheese at some point! Thanks all.

I got a mother’s day card made mostly by the staff at DD’s pre-school, that’s all. Think yourself lucky you get gifts from people that aren’t your child😂

I'd be pretty cheesed off if I were you, OP.

Get it?

Sorry.

It doesn't matter what any of you like or do for Mothers' Day! It's not about you. The OP is not a big fan of cheese. And it was only bought because he got the same for his mother.

He didn't bother to organise it so she'd actually be able to receive it.

Her children are unable to do anything on their own.

There was no thought, no love and no care.

But that wouldn't bother most of you. Oh no.

startime I got a mum birthday card last year, my DD had picked it and not realised til it was too late. She crossed out the birth bit and wrote mother's in it's place. I thought it was hilarious. However, my dd and husband always make an effort with cards/gifts/breakfast, if they didn't I too may have been a bit 😣

Cheese is good though. Tou need wine to go with that of course so make sure you get some.

Clearly your husband doesn't give Edam.

Oh wait.......

I hate how low people's expectations are and am so glad dh sees it as a day for him to help the dc show how much they appreciate me. I'm not dh's mum but I'm mother to his dc so yes he's got some responsibility until they're old enough to take it on. As my db and I moved out from home and don't get to see dm every Mother's Day my df always takes dm out for lunch. It's not complicated.