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Original poster

Am I ungrateful for this reaction to Mother's Day?

120 replies

Startime · 30/03/2019 14:05

Earlier in the week I told DH what I was getting my Mum as I got a discount code to share from the seller. He said for once he was sorted but couldn't tell me what it was as it's the same as his Mum.
Today we have gone out and he said " oh your gift is out for delivery so you won't get it !" I said can't you tell them to leave with a neighbour?
Just now a message cane from MIL thanking us for X gift. So now I know the gift as he didn't bother to tell her to not mention it and I probably won't get it on the day.
Just some flowers on the day would have been great. He said I'm ungrateful, I feel like the lack of care is an insult.

OP posts:
iMum · 30/03/2019 14:53

You are the mother of his kids therefore it is upto him to sort Mother's Day for you on their behalf.
I get your upset but he has tried-albeit a little carelessly

ineedaholidaynow · 30/03/2019 14:53

What will you end up doing tomorrow?

Do you like cheese?

RagingWhoreBag · 30/03/2019 14:53

I got a mum birthday card instead of Mother's Day last year, so he's got form Grin. I got an anniversary card for Valentine’s Day this year. Apparently he bought both, being super organised, but we were away on VD and he brought the wrong one with him, so I’ll get the valentines card later in the year! Grin

I can see it from both sides. It’s disappointing that he’s got you both the same gift and that, in so doing, has spoiled the surprise. Bit daft if him to go out knowing the gift would be delivered today without an alternative arrangement being made, if that’s your only gift. Do you love cheese?

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KnopeforAmerica · 30/03/2019 14:54

It's mother's day Not Wife's day.... It would be nice if children pick out a gift they like, help DH to make lunch etc but specifying a present for DH to buy you is a bit grabby /ridiculous tbh. It is a day for children to show they love their mum/appreciate them etc and when my DC were too young to do that, all DH did was get them to scribble in a card, which was quite nice 🙂

RagingWhoreBag · 30/03/2019 14:56

All this “you’re not his mother” crap annoys the hell out of me!! When you have children you help them to learn that giving gifts and cards is a nice thing to do by facilitating that for them. Do the rest of you just wait until your DCs are old enough to earn their own money and drive themselves to the shops before they give anyone a gift? When they go to a friend’s birthday party do they turn up empty handed because they didn’t go to the shop themselves and buy a gift with their pocket money or do you AS THEIR PARENT help them to show their affection for their friend by facilitating gift buying? FFS.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 30/03/2019 14:56

Sorry but you are being s bit of a drama llama. You won't get your cheese tomorrow big deal.

Original poster
Startime · 30/03/2019 14:57

I don't love cheese. Just an average cheese fan. Do mums with children up to the age they can shop themselves really get no cards/ gifts ? I probably assumed wrongly then.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 30/03/2019 14:57

So he ordered you a present. Presumably knowing you like cheese. You will just get it a day or two late. Shit happens!

KnopeforAmerica · 30/03/2019 14:58

Sorry, I meant more that I think it is silly to get upset DH didn't do things perfectly is silly because it is for DC to 'make an effort' when old enough to do so - I see u didn't specify a gift Blush

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/03/2019 14:59

Yes, you are being very ungrateful.

Aragog · 30/03/2019 15:01

I really don't get the whole ' you not him mum so doesn't need to bother' type attitude.

He is the father of the OP's children, neither who are old enough (or able in this case) so it is his responsibility in most families. It's just part of a dad's job to help his children with presents and cards until they're of an age they can sort themselves and have access to their own money to do so.

So op - you're not unreasonable to hope he would help his children to get you a card and gift. That's a minimum imo.

It's unfortunate that it's not arriving in time but these things do happen. And it's also a minor slip that he forgot to tell his mum not to tell you.

Do you like cheese?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/03/2019 15:11

Junior school age children should definitely be able to cobble something together with some help.

Did he try to involve them?

ineedaknittedhat · 30/03/2019 15:13

Mothers day is commercialised rubbish. Certainly not worth getting yourself in a knot over.

brizzlemint · 30/03/2019 15:14

YABU. Mothering Sunday (no such thing as Mother's Day in the UK) is about being a son/daughter/mother and not about getting gifts.

Think about all the women who won't be with their children or mothers or who don't have children/mothers and who will be alone on Mothering Sunday. A friend of mine is going to the cemetery tomorrow to put flowers on her mother's and children's graves.

Original poster
Startime · 30/03/2019 15:17

My kids are junior school age but both have a disability, one definitely can't do anything and the other it's not easy. I'm happier now I know most people don't get anything, I don't have many friends as life is quite isolating so probably spend too much time on social media. I'm going to not waste my time and money on fathers day now as I stupidly made a fuss in previous years so that has probably led to him getting me the same as his mum.

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 30/03/2019 15:18

If you don't like cheese it's a shit gift. I assume he likes cheese?

NutElla5x · 30/03/2019 15:20

I think you need to grow up.

MrsCBY · 30/03/2019 15:22

YANBU.

I’d be cheesed off too.

MrsCBY · 30/03/2019 15:24

And a Biscuit for brizzlemint

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2019 15:28

Is it late due to delivery problems? Then I wouldn't mind it. It does sound as if he expected it to come in time. But cheese? When you aren't a huge cheese lover? Really? I'd be more Hmm about that, even if it did come on time.

DH ordered my Xmas gift from Amazon and it was supposed to be delivered in plenty of time, but there were unexpected delays and I didn't get the gift until a few days after Xmas. It was something I really wanted and he did wrap a picture of it for me to open, though. Grin

Overall, I think you need to relax. And don't play 'tit for tat' on Father's Day.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 30/03/2019 15:28

" Mothering Sunday (no such thing as Mother's Day in the UK)"

Literally no one says "Mothering Sunday" in my part of the UK. I never hear it anywhere outside of MN.

frazzledasarock · 30/03/2019 15:31

Startime I’d put minimal effort in for Father’s Day too.

YANBU for being upset. Hope he does better tomorrow and has flowers and breakfast in bed for you or something.

Greenlegobox · 30/03/2019 15:32

Mothers day: where mothers celebrate being mothers by turning into children for the day.

codenameduchess · 30/03/2019 15:33

I'd be over the moon with cheese! Is the Cheshire cheese co? I get whatever dd has made at nursery... dh has never bothered and I don't mind- I'm not his mum after all.

You can't really help not being in, and you'd have no doubt moaned if he said you had to stay in and wait for the delivery today. He did a nice thing, just say thank you and look forward to wine and cheese.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 30/03/2019 15:33

He loves you. He loves his Mum. He’s stepping up to try and fill a gap. Does he think you’re a good Mum? If so, give him a big cheesy kiss and just be happy. You’re both doing fine.

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