Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

8YODS wants a sparkly pink school bag wwyd?

50 replies

MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 08:46

DS has always been very in to girl things. He's happy and content in himself, he just likes pink and purple and sparkles Grin.
I thought he may grow out of his girly fashion sense but he's now eight and still loves purple/pink etc. Most of the time when out and about he'll dress in rainbow colours with jeans etc so it's not "too girly" but he hates all boys clothes with a passion.
He now needs a new backpack for school and desperately wants one of those over the top smiggle ones with a big fluffy pink cat design.
Do I let him wear it even though he's going to get teased by the other kids or say no and feel like I'm stopping him being who he wants to be? He has fairly long hair and gets mistaken for a girl a lot, it doesn't bother him in the slightest but I'm worried a big pink cat backpack may be taking things too far Grin.
I let him dress however he likes at home but I am starting to worry as he's getting older and may start getting bullied at school for his out there fashion choices.

OP posts:
MumUnderTheMoon · 25/03/2019 08:48

You could explain to him that some people may tease him if he uses that bag but that, that is their problem and you are happy for him to have it if he isn't going to be sad about that.

SoHotADragonRetired · 25/03/2019 08:51

I do get your dilemma (and my DS is younger but loves all things pink, purple and sparkly and has asked for a pink sparkly dress). But it seems to me very sad for him to have his choices restricted for fear of something that hasn't happened yet and may never happen. Presumably his friends already know his tastes? I'd get it for him, warn him that some may tease as Pp says, and have, if possible, a small back-up budget for something more plain in case of emergencies.

goose1964 · 25/03/2019 08:53

My grandson is just like this and seems to be accepted as he is. I think chik are more accepting than adults.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 08:55

He is lucky in that he has friends who accept him for who he is but we may be moving soon and starting a new school may be an issue. You are right though, it is unfair to stop him experimenting with expressing himself out of fear something might happen or be said.

OP posts:
Madratlady · 25/03/2019 08:58

I’m not sure I’d want to stop my child choosing something they like for fear of others’ reactions. I’d mention that some people may comment but that everyone should be free to like what they like and if he’s happy to go ahead with it still then get it.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 25/03/2019 09:01

I'd buy him the one he wants if he still wants it after a chat about some people possibly using it to tease him because they have narrow ideas about what people should like. It sounds like he has good friends to back him up though. I'd possibly also buy a plain black cheapy in sports direct, just incase. If he ends up using that, he can have his Smiggle as his bag for other things.

I think he should have what he wants, but like you OP, I'd be careful about opening him up to people teasing him.

CommunistLegoBloc · 25/03/2019 09:02

Of course you do. And stop calling his tastes ‘girly’. It’s demeaning to everyone.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 09:08

Not trying to demean him Hmm. I don't call him girly obviously, was just trying to describe his taste in clothes.

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 25/03/2019 09:13

girly has a slightly derogatory tone, though, which is why people dislike it - and lots of girls don't like that kind of thing either.

I would see if you can get a muted version of what your after - so maybe blue or green but with sparkles or pink but no sparkles, if that makes any sense at all? Or say he can have that kind of bag for weekends but a bog standard backpack for school? I agree that you probably should gauge the lie of the land in the new school before splashing out a lot of money.

Of course we should allow our children to express themselves how they wish but I would also be aware that some children come from less enlightened households who won't hesitate to call him 'gay'.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 09:21

Girly probably not the right word. Feminine? I mean it's a big pink sparkly cat bag Grin.
I think I will get it for him and a plain one just in case he gets teased. Thanks all.

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 25/03/2019 09:29

he likes pink sparkly things. That's it, no need to ascribe it to either sex.

Moonsick · 25/03/2019 09:42

I'm glad you are letting him have it, DS has a sparkly unicorn lunchbox, a bright purple bag and sleeps with a stuffed unicorn and he is a year older than yours.

I hate the fear that comes with his choices (for me), but I'd rather that than restrict his choices. FWIW he doesn't have too many problems, by this point people know what he is like. For his birthday he got a silver and pink sequin reversable heart shaped Cush

Moonsick · 25/03/2019 09:45

(sorry MN reloaded whilst I was typing!)
cushion, a ton of craft glitter and a unicorn garden from his friends.

IsolaPribby · 25/03/2019 09:48

Would you even be asking the same if your DD wanted a khaki camouflage backpack?

Why does that seem so much more ok to society than this?

And I am asking this as much to myself as to you.

YogaWannabe · 25/03/2019 09:49

This wouldn’t even remotely an issue at my DDs school and she’s the same age Hmm
It’s a pink bag not a giant flashing hen party knob!

amusedbush · 25/03/2019 09:49

I don't call him girly obviously, was just trying to describe his taste in clothes.

To quote Eddie Izzard: "They're not women's clothes, they're my clothes. I bought them."

It sounds like he'll really enjoy having that bag, which is what really matters here. Let him like what he likes and if anyone says anything he can tell them not to be rude.

Original poster
MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 09:52

Thing is I'm sure he'd be find at his current school with this bag. He's very accepted and has a lot of friends. I'm worried though that if he starts a new school then it will make him a target. I know I shouldn't let fear restrict his choices but I also just want to protect him. As I say I'll get it for him along with a plain one and let him decide.

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 25/03/2019 09:54

I really wouldn't quote Izzard anymore, unfortunately he has now decided that he is a woman (sometimes).

Isola unfortunately society deems masculine things as 'better' (hence the objection to the use of 'girly' which is a sneering word, whether it's used for boys or girls, as 'feminine' is definitely 'lesser').

Yoga the OP has said that it would be fine at his current school but he's soon to move schools. You do understand that not all school communities have got the memo? No-one would bat an eyelid at DD's school either, but I'm not so insular as to suppose it wouldn't be picked up on in other schools.

I only have to go to a playground a few miles down the road to see far more hyper-genderized children than I would where I live.

Babdoc · 25/03/2019 09:56

OP, stress to your DS that all gender stereotypes are rubbish. Pink is just a colour. If he likes it, fine, he can have it and it doesn’t make him “girly”.
If you let him think that only girls like this stuff, you will be setting him up to fall victim to the transgender bullshit.
Your son might turn out to be gay, or he might simply like pink, but either way you don’t want him being brainwashed onto the trans pathway and ending up sterilised and/or mutilated to turn him into an imitation of a stereotype “girl”.

S1naidSucks · 25/03/2019 09:57

I wouldn’t quote that wanker Eddie Izzard. 🤢

Isn’t it awful that we have to worry about society judging a child for liking sparkly things. Let him enjoy the sparkles while he can.

ShowOfHands · 25/03/2019 10:00

My 7yo DS loves sparkles. He wore bright pink trousers on red nose day with a rainbow top and orange shoes. Nobody laughed at him.

(11yo dd on the other hand, shaves her hair and wears the boys uniform and gets some stick)

CuppaSarah · 25/03/2019 10:02

Just don't take him to squiggle. Fu Kong rip off in there. Primark has some lovely silver sparkly bags, not sure about pink.

CuppaSarah · 25/03/2019 10:03

Fucking rip off, not Fu Kong Confused

Loyaultemelie · 25/03/2019 10:27

Don't buy him a smiggle one they are shit quality and fall apart after costing a fortune

IncrediblySadToo · 25/03/2019 10:34

In this instance it falling apart quickly might not actually be that much of an issue.

If he’ll be accepted at this school then buy what he wants.

IF you move, deal with it then in whatever seems the best way at that time.

With the cost & uprooting of moving...a bag will be the least of your issues if it needs replacing.