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Original poster

8YODS wants a sparkly pink school bag wwyd?

50 replies

MayorMumbum · 25/03/2019 08:46

DS has always been very in to girl things. He's happy and content in himself, he just likes pink and purple and sparkles .
I thought he may grow out of his girly fashion sense but he's now eight and still loves purple/pink etc. Most of the time when out and about he'll dress in rainbow colours with jeans etc so it's not "too girly" but he hates all boys clothes with a passion.
He now needs a new backpack for school and desperately wants one of those over the top smiggle ones with a big fluffy pink cat design.
Do I let him wear it even though he's going to get teased by the other kids or say no and feel like I'm stopping him being who he wants to be? He has fairly long hair and gets mistaken for a girl a lot, it doesn't bother him in the slightest but I'm worried a big pink cat backpack may be taking things too far .
I let him dress however he likes at home but I am starting to worry as he's getting older and may start getting bullied at school for his out there fashion choices.

OP posts:

drspouse · 25/03/2019 10:43

I would buy it, and with my DS (who is totally oblivious to what anyone else thinks) I would not even bother explaining that other people might think it was unusual.
If your DS does notice, I'd say "some people think boys shouldn't wear pink/have sparkles, how silly is that?" and if he says "oh X said that" then I'd run him through a role play of what to say if they mention it again.
My DD wears trousers to school and is one of only 2 girls in her class to do so. She's in Reception and also a bit oblivious but I can see her noticing if some toerag badly brought up child sneers at her for doing it in a later year. We've already had conversations about how I wasn't allowed to play football when I was a little girl and how silly that is, and how there's only one girl in Paw Patrol and how unfair that is, so we'd just add this in to the mix.

drspouse · 25/03/2019 10:43

With the cost & uprooting of moving...a bag will be the least of your issues if it needs replacing.
Good point!

amusedbush · 25/03/2019 10:49

I don't like Eddie Izzard at all but I think the quote stands.

MyDcAreMarvel · 25/03/2019 10:52

and how there's only one girl in Paw Patrol
Missing the point , but there are two - Skye and Everest.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 25/03/2019 11:11

amuse only it doesn't now that Izzard has decided that him buying and wearing women's clothes does mean he's a woman.

It's such a shame. It was a great quote and shut people up.

drspouse · 25/03/2019 12:14

I think we're a bit out of date MyDC.

MyDcAreMarvel · 25/03/2019 12:18

I am still fully submerged in all things paw patrol , my five year old twins still obsessed

drspouse · 25/03/2019 12:23

Oh mine are too but I tend to play "random episode I've chosen" and then not pay attention as otherwise I get the 4yo spending half an hour choosing an episode.

anniehm · 25/03/2019 12:32

Tricky - how about taking him to another shop which has nice design unisex backpacks eg dd has a lovely black and purple one, and reflecting strips for safety. The "boys" ones tend to be so sports or superheroes rather than good design.

HawkeyeInConfusion · 25/03/2019 12:44

I agree that the Eddie Izzard quote is still a good one even if Eddie no longer believes it Eddieself.

I understand that you want to protect your DS from teasing and bullying OP. But I would expect that at 8 your DS will be aware of society's rules regarding gender stereotyping and has still decided that is what he wants. So I think that you need to support him a!though I agree that Smiggle is overpriced.

BookishCat · 25/03/2019 12:50

I wouldn’t let my 8yo DD have one of those because they’re revolting. I don’t think going against traditional gender expectations means that children have to have everything they want, so I’d probably say no if he was mine and encourage him to choose something less tacky and more practical!

MiniMum97 · 25/03/2019 13:16

How sad is it that this thread even exists. It's just a backpack. He should be able to choose whatever he wants.

SudoWouldnt · 25/03/2019 13:21

I'd try and teach him a clever and confident response to answer any teasing, hopefully nipping it in the bud.

He sounds happy with his choices, encourage that confidence and he'll be ok.

Yabbers · 25/03/2019 13:24

I'd let him have it.

DD is a "target" and we can't change the things about her which make her that way. Instead we teach her how to tread her own path and deal with anyone who might have a problem with her.

But, I should point out that despite her being that way she hasn't actually ever had any problems.

morallowground · 25/03/2019 13:32

For those saying it’s sad a thread like this exists and they’re just clothes etc, that’s all well and good with logical thinking adults. If my son wore a sparkly pink backpack to school, whether it’s just an item of clothing or not, he would have the piss taken out of him. I live in a small billlage in Yorkshire that is very much still stuck in the dark ages.

Like it or not he would be mocked for wearing a backpack like that. I don’t agree with it I don’t think it’s right, but we don’t live on mumsnet where people can be logical and see clothing and bags for what they are-bits of material, we live in a world where not everyone thinks that way and kids pick on and bully anyone who is different.

If I thought my child could handle the potential name calling, mocking and bullying that would go with it and he was adamant he could then I would happily buy him the pinkest sparkling bag I could find.
If I thought it would destroy his confidence to be picked at and laughed at, at school then to be honest I’d steer him in the direction of someone else.

It’s all very well saying it shouldn’t be a conversation we have in this day and age but at the end of the day children get picked on for anything that makes them different and it’s up to you to decide if he can handle that if it happens op because it does have the potential to make him a target whether it’s right or wrong.

If it were my son and I didn’t think he could handle the tormenting I’d buy him a sparkly pink bad to wear on days out with family / swimming etc.

morallowground · 25/03/2019 13:35

My sentence where I said like it or not he would be mocked, I was referring to if my child wore a pink backpack where we live op, not yours.

YogaWannabe · 25/03/2019 13:41

Sorry i missed the bit about changing schools, that does change it in my mind purely because I’ve been there with DD only we went from the “gender specific and jo jo bow” type school to the nobody giving a hoot type school.

I never curtailed DDs choices in school #1 either though as anything she felt strongly enough about having/wearing/doing etc, she felt strongly enough about to defend.
Do you think it’s the same in this case?

I hate the whole “target for bullies” thing and dont subscribe to that mindset at all as bullies will always find something if they’re going to

cupofteaandcake · 25/03/2019 13:52

I agree with morallowground, unfortunately we all know that there is a high chance comments will be made. Society is very slow to move on and I think many adults, in my experience, still think that boys should be boys etc. I would let him have it but, as others have said, only if I thought he could take the comments and would definitely do role play to ensure he can handle any nastiness.

MiniMum97 · 25/03/2019 13:52

@morallowground

I know your comment wasn't just directed at me but to be clear I meant it's sad that society's "rules" still mean that a child potentially can't have a pink sparkly backpack because he might be picked on. As a victim of severe bullying and having raised a child who was also bullied I can totally understand why parents want to everything they can to avoid it. As they should - bullying has been shown to have the same or as worse impacts on future mental health than sexual abuse.

My comment wasn't in any way directed at the OP. I completely sympathise with her dilemma. So sad she and her son are placed in this position and that she needs to write threads about it to get advice is what I meant.

morallowground · 25/03/2019 13:59

@MiniMum97

My comment was definitely not directed at you the general consensus of the thread is that it’s sad that this is the word we live in, and we shouldn’t still be asking if this is ok in this day and age.

I was just putting forward that I know for a fact my son couldn’t handle the negative response he would definitely get for wearing this type of bag as unfortunately his school is full of very old fashioned -knob heads- and unfortunately he would be ridiculed, if I though he could handle that I’d buy him any bag he wanted but I know my son and I know it would shatter his confidence.

MiniMum97 · 25/03/2019 14:03

@morallowground I agree - my son really struggled at school (he has aspergers) and I would definitely have been steering him away from a pink sparkly bag as he would not have coped with the teasing/bullying. So sad we have to think about these things.

drspouse · 25/03/2019 14:28

Those saying their child would definitely be bullied, has this already happened in the school? What was the outcome? Have you suggested some anti-stereotyping lessons?
There are good lesson plans put out by Let Toys Be Toys.

EastMidsGPs · 25/03/2019 14:38

Just check he isn't colour-blind. Men in my family are and one brother in particular sees grey as pink - we've had queries over the years such as:
'why are Man U playing in pink?' Whole grey kit

'mum, why did you buy me pink trainers?' light grey trainers

and his teachers mentioning that he always coloured elephants in pink.

Even as an adult, left to his own devices, he wears very interesting colour combinations.

If it simply that he loves sparkly pink, then celebrate it.

feelingverylazytoday · 25/03/2019 14:48

I wouldn't let him start the new school with a pink sparkly bag, to be honest. I'd get him the standard 'boys' kit until he's settled in and got to know how accepting and diverse the new school is.

JenniferJareau · 25/03/2019 17:42

I wouldn't let him start the new school with a pink sparkly bag, to be honest. I'd get him the standard 'boys' kit until he's settled in and got to know how accepting and diverse the new school is.

This ^^

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