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Original poster

Would this be terrible wedding guest etiquette?

91 replies

NigelYerABawbag · 23/03/2019 19:40

A cousin is getting married in the summer. I've been invited but only me, not the DC (I'm a single parent). According to my parents (who are both invited) this is down to finances as they are trying to keep the numbers manageable as both bride and groom have really big families. It's not a no children wedding, it's going to be really relaxed and informal, but money is tight which is more than understandable!

My DC are 16 and 8 and my 16 yr old was super excited when she saw the invitation and then disappointed when she realised it was for me only.

I won't be able to go, because my younger DC has additional needs and I won't be able to get childcare for him (only other people that can handle him are my parents who will both be at the wedding!).

So... Would it be utterly out of order for me to ask if my 16 yr old could go with my parents in my place? She's incredibly sensible and knows how to behave, and would be so delighted to get to go and wear a nice dress etc. It's the sort of thing I wouldn't bat an eyelid at if it was my wedding but obviously it isn't my wedding never again and I don't fancy being CF of the week in AIBU if I ask Grin

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 23/03/2019 19:43

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me. :)

Neolara · 23/03/2019 19:44

I wouldn't unless your cousin is as close to your dd as she is to you.. If you can't go, presumably they'll invite the next person on their "wait list" instead. Their wedding is really for them, not to make your dd happy.

BlueMerchant · 23/03/2019 19:44

I can't see a problem at all with that idea.

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Disfordarkchocolate · 23/03/2019 19:45

I wouldn't mind at all if it was my wedding but weddings make people crazy.

pootyisabadcat · 23/03/2019 19:47

How close are you? If reasonably close then I'd ask but probably otherwise just all stay home.

UrsulaPandress · 23/03/2019 19:49

I'd ask.

PrayingandHoping · 23/03/2019 19:49

I have a large family. When we did the guest list we invited all cousins, guessing which would not be able to make it but feeling they still should have an invite but did not invite any children. Knowing certains would say no def helped with numbers.

You may be putting them in a really awkward position to want to say no by you giving your invite to your daughter.

Orchidflower1 · 23/03/2019 19:49

I think it’s a lovely idea. Chat to your cousin and see what she says- if you don’t ask, you don’t get. Your dd is 16 not 6 so it’s not like she’s a child in every sense iyswim.

DramaAlpaca · 23/03/2019 19:51

It's definitely worth an ask.

Lemoneeza · 23/03/2019 19:52

honestly I think best not to. she was rude to not invite your daughter though as she's practically an adult. but yes I know you have to draw the line, blah blah...

AllTheCakes · 23/03/2019 19:53

I agree with Neolara. I don’t think the invite is exchangeable. If your cousin wanted your DD there, she would have invited her. You would be putting her in an awkward position to say no.

Coffeeandcrumpet · 23/03/2019 19:53

No they invited you not your dd, in the nicest possible way if they wanted her there they would have invited her, it's an invitation not a ticket you can pass on.

ABoozedMoose · 23/03/2019 19:55

I think sending someone else in your place is rude - it's not like sending a colleague in your place for a meeting. They probably have actual friends who they'd love to invite if anyone drops out.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2019 19:59

I think that sounds like a lovely idea and I doubt any (sane!) bride would have a problem with it

Expressedways · 23/03/2019 19:59

Don’t mean this to sound harsh but I think if they wanted your DD there then they would have invited her. Personally I think it would be putting your cousin in an awkward position by asking although it’s a nice idea in theory. Maybe your mum could ask for you so she doesn’t feel put on the spot?

SilverySurfer · 23/03/2019 20:00

I don't think it would be appropriate to do that.

IvanaPee · 23/03/2019 20:02

I don’t know how you’d word the request without ending up the subject of a CF thread! Grin

Would your dd want to be at a wedding with her grandparents and an extended family that she can’t be that close to, since she wasn’t invited!

peppaaargh · 23/03/2019 20:03

The posters that are saying if they wanted her there they would invite them seem to be forgetting you have another child. They maybe thought they couldn't invite her without him. I would explain situation and ask if she could go, maybe even offer to pay for her meal? But say you won't be able to due to looking after your son?

soulrunner · 23/03/2019 20:03

Please don’t.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2019 20:05

Why not? If it's just numbers stopping them from inviting her, why would they care which member of your family goes?

AllTheFours44 · 23/03/2019 20:05

No. If they wanted your daughter to be there, she would have been invited. If you cannot attend, so be it. It doesn’t mean you can just give away your seat to someone else. It’s not a concert.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2019 20:06

If it was a child free wedding then it would be cheeky!

AJPTaylor · 23/03/2019 20:06

Seems completely reasonable to me. I would ask whichever of your parents it is to raise it with their sibling and see if it will fly

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 23/03/2019 20:06

It's not a concert but you can ring them and ask... You'll know by their reaction whether they're happy with it or not

PH03b3 · 23/03/2019 20:07

I wouldn't have been impressed!!

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