Phrases that make you want to slap people in the face?

[notnearlythereyet]

Mine is ‘Riddle me this’. What’s yours?

Being mugged off .... anytime I hear it it induces rage to a catastrophic level and I again consider it a benefit to humanity I haven't got the nucleur codes because they would be trained on Sharon from Essex whose friend borrowed her dress.

And "know better , do better "

Almost always used by a twat who is smugly trying to stick their ignorant nose in under the guise of educating

I may or may not have far too much rage in me

Oh wait I forgot one

People who claim to just tell it as it is , I'm just upfront....nope you're a rude git that should fall in a cow pat

Oh actually two

"But that's just me " at the end of relating what wonderful thing they would do differently to all the other mere bumbling humans near them. The implication being that They are just so wonderful that it's part of their very being.

No Mildred...you are not a more inherently wonderful and moral person than others....you are a passive aggressive twunt who is probably a bosom hoiked as well

‘ I’m not changing for anyone. Take me or leave me. I’m not changing for anyone. If someone doesn’t like me they can F off/jog on’ etc etc
Why is that never ever said by someone really lovely

People that have a poke at Essex or its inhabitants. So very 80s and it wasn’t clever then.

I tend to agree on the grounds I live there !

Any statement that sounds like a question.
Why, just why?

"everything happens for a reason" when they're talking about someone else's loved one being seriously ill / dying"god only gives special babies to special parwnts" when they're talking about someone else's child

"oh it's a pity for him isn't it" when they're talking about my child

@SmallIslandLass agree Re if its healthy. My sister reckons I'm being irrational. Three guesses who has the healthy children and who has my child...

‘SO’ before answering a question!! Also ‘Upward inflection’... why?? I can hear people do this and it doesn’t make me want to do it, why are people such sheep?! My older sister does it and it sounds bloody stupid!!

"Take care" Why does every man and his dog say that nowadays.

Isn't the upward inflection quite Australian?

"Picky bits"

'Being obsessed with'. Oh do shut up. You mean they 'really like'. An obsession is a destructive and intrusive mental state. Your 5 year old may well adore unicorns, but it is not a bloody obsession.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

Trite Internet "wisdom" which is often wrong

"I'm so OCD about...."
Fuck right off with that one.

"That door handle wants fixing" is perfectly normal colloquial English 'Want' originally meant nothing but 'to be in need of' ('want' as a noun used to be a synonym for poverty), so it's not 'wrong', either.

Thinking outside the box

Smashed it
Long story short (usually after lengthy prologue)

"Can I arks/aks you something ?" No, you can't. You may ASK me something though.

Heard one on TV this morning
BREGZITT....

"Man up" makes my blood boil, particularly when a number of mum friends I know use it with their 6 year old daughters.

"recommend me a ..."

I've only seen this on Mumsnet. Do people actually think that is the correct way to speak.

"recommend me a ..."

I've only seen this on Mumsnet. Do people actually think that is the correct way to speak.

@MumUnderTheMoon - I also hate people using OCD in a really blase manner.

Also as mentioned futher above, people referring to homosexual people as 'gays/the gays/one of them gays'

Yes Ocd just seems to be short hand for I like to do this properly or thoroughly.