Why is the one popular/lively/extrovert girl in every group dislikes me, all my life?

[Borelis]

Hi,
I am a mid-20s female and felt throughout my life, e.g. at school and at every work place, say there's 30 people (15 guys and 15 girls), the 15 guys will generally be really friendly or at least nice enough to me. In the 15 girls, at least 12 or 13 of them would be really friendly or at least neutral with me. However, every time there's usually a short but loud, lively, extrovert girl (the type who leads group convos, laughs at every joke loudly and generally thinks she's the leader, very opinionated etc) will almost instantly take a dislike to me (without any argument etc occurring as I'll be fairly civil and normal with her) but I could tell as she'd then bitch to the other girls behind my back about me to the point where they start avoiding me too and she'd openly disagree with anything I have to say etc. and then the news will spread to the guys and some of them will also take a step back..

I don't know why this happens at EVERY school and work place I've been to. 90% of people will be fine/very friendly with me yet that one short, loud, female just will not like me for no reason that I can think of.

P.S I am also short but considered "pretty" I guess and above average intelligence (based on grades, work performance etc.) but I don't show off about this at all. I'm not a shy introvert but I'm definitely not a loud extrovert either (I wouldn't speak a lot in group settings/meetings) - I am exactly in the middle (which surely should be the easiest type for most people to get along with?). Most men seem to like talking to me, even as friends, more than with other girls. I am the type to always be very smiley, friendly, agreeable and helpful but I know I can come across slightly "cold" with females, just purely out of being a bit nervous of them and their possible rejection but I'm still very helpful and kind with them. It's not even that these loud extrovert girls like only loud people as they'll happily get along with both loud people and those that are much much quieter than me.

I just hate that this one person always ends with me losing everyone's popularity at every place I go to. I can't pinpoint exactly what causes this

It sounds like you think of a certain type of women are vacuous and you see yourself as superior and that they're jealous of you.

I maintain that you're projecting. You don't like these women in spite of not actually knowing them. I'm sure they get to dislike you but it's because of how you interact with them- whether you realise it or not.

Agree with PPs the constant "females" is very telling. In fact I'm not sure I'm convinced you're not an MRA.

You also keep saying "I never said [...] in my post, I just meant that [...]" - whenever someone mentioned something that might have been a possible explanation.

Perhaps you could take those on board a bit more, and consider whether you are coming across as if you think that, even if you are sure in your own head that you don't? If lots of people here are thinking you are coming across in a particular way, then it might be that you are at work as well. It doesn't mean that you have to think of yourself that way, or that you are like that underneath, but that it might be what other people are thinking.

And if your body language, tone of voice, expressions, words, etc, are conveying something that you don't think is true, the same might be true for the other person. Their tone of voice, expressions, glances, behaviour etc might be totally different from how you've interpreted it, and they're thinking nothing of the sort about you. But once you've both started on this road of misunderstandings, they start changing your behaviour/words/expressions, and then they do start to become reality.

Perhaps a counsellor or someone could help you figure out what it is that you are doing that is giving off particular impressions, and then you can choose whether or not you want to change that. And at the same time, you might find that you are making incorrect assumptions about what everyone else is thinking. You have to be quite open to these ideas, though, or it just ends up with you defending that you're "not really like that" or "didn't say that" etc

Perhaps everyone else in the groups also finds that there is someone that they don't particularly get on with, but they just don't make a big deal of it. It would be someone quite unusual that would be liked by everyone like that. I know I'm not that special! I think in any group, it's normal to be actively liked by some, tolerate quite pleasantly and neutrally by most, and not particularly liked by a couple.

Sometimes if you try too hard, and don’t just relax and be yourself, people don’t trust you. Sounds like you have come accross some queen bee types in addition to this. If you have genuine friendships with the other people around you, these people won’t hold much power over you.

I think OP might be Martin from Friday Night Dinner.

I used to work with someone who was very smiley.
It came across as false / phoney / smarmy. Some of us realised it was a mask for something quite different underneath.
OP, no-one who smiles all the time is seen as genuine, as that is not a real reaction to everyday life. If you want friends, you need to be genuine, and real, a believable person.

OP I am tall and fat and quiet. I don't like you based on the way you've come across on this thread. Does this throw your statistics?

Not sure if anyone else has mentioned it, but you may well be Aspergers/Autistic spectrum.

Before you rule it out, have a look at these and see if everything makes sense, it did with me when most people would be fine, and only the "it" girls would be weird and stand-offish and in some cases openly hostile and I couldn't see why:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/resources/idt-sh/women_late_diagnosis_autism

www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/gender/stories.aspx