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Original poster

Father in law humiliates me as a joke

88 replies

RoseWrites · 09/03/2019 19:31

My father is known for his sense of humour which involves saying stupid things. I normally ignore it or laugh it off but I'm now struggling to retain any vague sense of humour.

I'm 7 months post partum and he just told me that I'm finally losing the baby weight (I weigh less than I did pre pregnancy).

On Christmas day he spoke at length about how my (long, complicated and stressful) labour was the "most embarrassing moment of my year".

My step son is starting to notice and apologised on his grandfather's behalf for him not "being kind".

I don't want to be a door mat and set a bad example to the children. But nor do I want to start WWIII and make a big scene.

Should I just let it go?

OP posts:
RandomMess · 09/03/2019 19:33

Assuming it is FIL then you have a DH problem, why on earth has he not tackled thus with his father?

ideasofmarch · 09/03/2019 19:35

"I might be finally losing the baby weight, but you're still just as ugly"

Refilona · 09/03/2019 19:37

You need to calmly put him in his place. “What gives you the right to comment on my appearance?” and “You speaking to people in such an unkind way is the most embarrassing moment of the year”. I would refuse to see him again until he apologises.

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Families
Easterbunnyiscomingsoon · 09/03/2019 19:38

When does your treatment for twatism start then fil?

SayNoToCarrots · 09/03/2019 19:38

Father or father in kaw?

SayNoToCarrots · 09/03/2019 19:38

Law ffs

AliceAforethought · 09/03/2019 19:38

“Shut up you stupid old c*nt”

Worth a try 🤷🏼‍♀️

whippersnapperwrapper · 09/03/2019 19:39

I'd tell him to fuck off

Jenniferyellowcat · 09/03/2019 19:39

Mine too OP. It’s horrible isn’t it? And unacceptable. Can your DP not say something?

Mind you, that would probably just encourage my FIL. It is easier now my kids are older as they now usually go to their hour without me!

TOADally · 09/03/2019 19:40

Upside: your stepson is a kind young gentleman.

Can't advise on the TIL (Twat in Law), though.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/03/2019 19:42

You need to calmly put him in his place. “What gives you the right to comment on my appearance?” and “You speaking to people in such an unkind way is the most embarrassing moment of the year”. I would refuse to see him again until he apologises.*

This...

Farmerswifey12 · 09/03/2019 19:51

That's awful. What does your partner do when he does this ?

Original poster
RoseWrites · 09/03/2019 20:00

Yes sorry, father in law. (Own father is also a twat, but don't see him. Another story).

My husband apologised for his dad "being a dick". But closes down any further discussion by saying he's too old to change now. Probably true but as he's likely to be around for another 20 or 30 years (!) I wouldn't mind things being different...

My in laws are due to look after my baby when I go back work and I really don't want them to. I don't want my baby thinking that bullying/nastiness is funny.

Is it worth asking more of my OH?

OP posts:
whohaa · 09/03/2019 20:01

What on earth could be embarrassing about you giving birth? It's a bloody miracle, is what it is!

youaremyrain · 09/03/2019 20:02

"Not as embarrassing as the birth that resulted in YOU"

glenthebattleostrich · 09/03/2019 20:04

Don't let them look after your baby, he is incredibly disrespectful to you so won't follow your way of doing things.

I'd also go low contact, but I consider my time is to valuable to give to wankers.

LovingLola · 09/03/2019 20:04

My in laws are due to look after my baby when I go back work and I really don't want them to.

Make other arrangements.

JRMisOdious · 09/03/2019 20:09

RoseWrites

My father is known for his sense of humour”

Which basically means everyone knows what an embarrassing twat he is but are too kind to say so because he’s quite old.
Your husband needs to have a word with him: no-one is too old to be told it’s just plain rude. If your children are in his care, they’ll copy him.
In the meantime, take comfort in knowing that everyone else knows he’s an idiot.

C0untDucku1a · 09/03/2019 20:10

Send you baby to a nursery.

Call him out on it in a calm way every time. Maybe even the mn classic.

7yo7yo · 09/03/2019 20:17

Pop in to see them one day “on your way to look at a nursery” and when they ask why your looking at nurseries say “I can’t have my child thinking your nastiness and bullying is normal so you can’t look after him.”
He will try and blister his way out but say in a calm measured firm tone, your behaviour is unacceptable to me. I don’t like it.
He will say it’s a joke. Say well I’m not laughing. He’s a horrid bully and your DH is a spineless twat.

icarriedaturnip · 09/03/2019 20:20

Talk to your DH about it again and make sure he knows how much this is upsetting you. It’s not even funny what he’s saying, it’s just rude and also clearly not true

Chlo1674 · 09/03/2019 20:21

Speaking from experience if you just choose to ‘let go’ and ignore it then nothing will change. I put up with this kind of nonsense for years from my FIL. The final straw came when he made a really disparaging remark to me in front of one of my children. That was it as far as I was concerned and I stopped going round there. I promised myself I would never have to see him and put up with his nasty comments again. In-laws then realised something was up and when I told them they were so surprised even though they had witnessed virtually every remark and comment Hmm

Butterymuffin · 09/03/2019 20:23

What 7yo7yo said. Tell them you don't want them looking after the baby on the basis of current behaviour. And tell your husband he needs to step in more if he doesn't like that idea.

Smoggle · 09/03/2019 20:25

You don't need to make a scene, but when he starts just say "that's really rude/unkind".

Your DH really needs to step up - get him to call FIL before the next visit and tell him you won't continue visiting with the baby if he is rude to you.

I would definitely let them look after my baby either!

Grace212 · 09/03/2019 20:26

my mother and late father changed a LOT in 20 years, never mind 30.

your DH should be dealing with this and yes, your FIL can change. How old is he?