Ffs. I cannot cope with my almost 13 year old.

[losenotloose]

I've had enough. It's the same shit every weekend. He doesn't have anything to do at the weekend and he refuses to do anything. I end up having to threaten him to get him to go out. I don't want to be stuck inside all day and I don't think it's good for him either. Some of you may think just let him stay at home but I'm fed up of feeling like he can dictate our life. He did swimming lessons for ages and every fucking Sunday involved a massive row about going. Not just normal I don't want to go like ds2 but massive, relentless shit. I just want to cry and throw him out right now.

Why would a teenager want to go for a walk though?

I don't think the OP is unreasonable to suggest a walk! There is no law that says teenagers have to hate walking! Mine will come out quite happily and will sometimes even suggest it. My teenage nephew will also go with a bit of encouragement.

It seems to me that this is more about a battle of wills than anything else.

My DS went to bed when he was about 18 and came out about 3 years later. We could hear him in the kitchen at night cooking food after we'd gone to bed. He didn't want to go out either. He's now married with a dw, 2 dc, a house, a job and a mortgage. They have to find their own path, and you will only make yourself miserable and frustrated, stressing about it.

Op I agree with what you’re trying to do. I have 13 and 11 yr old ds and it’s hard work trying to get them doing anything as tech and games is their first choice every time.

However, I’ve gone on and on about how important it is to have a balance in life. Shown them articles about the benefits of getting out on mental health, why teenagers should exercise, why too much screen time is bad etc etc etc. I’m sure I’ve bored them to death with all my worthy talks.
It’s been a long educating process but they get what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. I printed off a screen times rule off the internet and put it up in their room which says something like
Before screen time -
Make your bed
Do a chore - ask a parent
Do your homework
Get some exercise and fresh air

They pretty much stick to this now as I’ve said no tech until 3 on the weekends. It’s up to them what exercise and fresh air they do. Today, we’re going for a walk in the woods.
They’re not enthusiastic about it but always enjoy it and are glad they’ve done.

Have you tried anything like telling him he has to try one new activity/club a month for 6 months or whatever? He can go to six different things once and never do any of them again if that's what he wants but he has to put a few hours a month i.e. a really small amount of his free time into trying out/doing hobbies that aren't gaming?

My mum so was desperate for me to do something, anything when I was a teenager, I resisted doing anything because I knew that however much I didn't like something, she'd push me to keep going because she was so happy I'd shown interest in something other than my computer. It wasn't her intention but I felt like agreeing to one karate class would lead to me being stuck doing karate three times a week until the end of time!

Is there a parkrun near you? That could be a good suggestion because it's 5k in the fresh air but finished by 10am so it doesn't take up a large part of the day for anybody.

As another poster said it's not so much the staying at home but the lack of interest in anything but technology. If I left him at home whilst I took ds2 out he'd sit gaming all day. Once in a while that's ok but I don't think it's healthy all the time. If I thought I could leave him at home and he'd do other things I'd feel better about it.

I don’t think gaming all day is mentally healthy either. I’m surprised (username notwithstanding) by everyone who is totally fine with it. If it’s a competitive, intermittent rewards type game it’s just going to result in irritability, isn’t it? Different to reading or even a movie marathon.

A tech free day? Stuff that for a laugh

My son joined cadets when he turned 12 last year, honestly been great for him. He's a gamer and pretty glued to his screen at home but cadets regularly do camps and events at weekends as well as the twice weekly detachment meetings which has really helped to get him out and take an interest in stuff like fitness and orienteering (navigation).

It’s his hormones. I actually think a tech free day is a good idea. Maybe when the weather perks up he will feel more energetic it has been a long winter.

Honestly OP I wouldn't have gone for a walk with my family at 13 on a Sunday, mine are tiny but I don't even want to do it especially ow. I think you need to set more realistic expectations which may be realising that he just wants to stay indoors sometimes like any other human!

I don’t think gaming all day is mentally healthy either.

But most kids who do gaming use it to socialise as well. My son had friends all over the world that he speaks to daily. We make him have regular breaks but he spends a lot of time on his computer.

I'd much rather he was in his room gaming that getting up to what some teens are around here.

To be honest when reading this I thought he sounds very like my DS. And my DS has been diagnosed with Adhd. He is very strong willed; always bored; doesn’t spend any time on home work; impossible to influence. So... while it is not desirable to label; it does sound like you need some help with him, and maybe an assessment may be the way to go. My DS is also very averse to putting forward any suggestions himself. He prefers to just oppose anything I say. Worth reading more about it at any rate. I wish my DS had been diagnosed earlier. It wouldn’t have been such a battle for him.

Ok- so you're at an impasse and you're not going to get anywhere by carrying this on.

He wants to stay home all weekend, you want to go out and get him out.

Why don't you get him into the other side of tech if that's your biggest issue? Does he have a raspberry pi? Or anything tech-y that isn't gaming?

My teenager would merrily game all day (or watch anime for hours) at the weekend but I don't like it much either. Admittedly he plays sport twice a weekend (training and a match/tournament) so even all day isn't all day, but if he's coding with his raspberry pi or building something with his electrical components and stuff I don't mind a couple of mindless hours gaming.

Could you get him into something like that perhaps?

The other option is a compromise. There are two weekend days so discuss he'll be allowed a free day if he spends a couple of hours getting out with no fuss on one of the days?

Maybe he is destined for a career in IT.