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Original poster

Wedding gift not received

34 replies

Jno99 · 27/02/2019 09:54

Recently married, DH best man is a long term friend and quite wealthy. They wrote us a cheque but we could not cash as wrong names (we don't have a joint bank account or plan on getting one). They are aware and said they'd transfer money but some time now and not sent. A generous gift but don't want to chase...I know they would want us to have it and can afford it. How should we approach this?

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 27/02/2019 09:55

'They are aware and said they'd transfer money but some time now and not sent. A generous gift but don't want to chase....'

Quite

Don't chase

They are aware.

izekiah · 27/02/2019 09:56

don’t think you can tbh. they know and haven’t done anything about it

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/02/2019 09:57

Get a joint back account and cash the cheque..?

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Original poster
Jno99 · 27/02/2019 09:57

I meant they are aware we could not cash the cheque. I suspect it may have been forgotten about as incredibly busy people, and they wouldn't notice whether it had come out of their account or not

OP posts:
Whereareyouspot · 27/02/2019 09:59

Wait til you next see them and politely hand the original cheque back with a ‘we thought you might want destroy this’ comment. Will trigger them into remembering they didn’t transfer the cash?

Original poster
Jno99 · 27/02/2019 10:00

Already told them some time ago we had destroyed the cheque

OP posts:
senua · 27/02/2019 10:01

Have you actually returned the cheque to them? That would be a reminder.

Or casually drop into conversation that "this weekend we are sending out our thank cards" or "Aunt Gwen said she was touched to receive our thank you card as so many couples don't bother these days".

senua · 27/02/2019 10:01

x-post

nzeire · 27/02/2019 10:03

Do not say anything, way too awkward

Bufferingkisses · 27/02/2019 10:05

Aren't you concerned they've unintentionally put it into a wrong account? I would be.

NWQM · 27/02/2019 10:10

I agree that it’s worth checking in case a problem but you do risk that they will feel embarrassed and therefore view you as grabby.

MarthasGinYard · 27/02/2019 10:11

What are your DH thoughts?

Given it's his best man

senua · 27/02/2019 10:15

Your description went from "Recently married" to "some time now". Which one is it?

AliceLiddel · 27/02/2019 10:15

Maybe send them a "thank you for joining us on our special day" card with a wedding photo inside. Or a photo of your DH with his best man from the wedding day. May jog their memory.

Everythingmagnolia · 27/02/2019 10:17

How long ago was the wedding?

NeverTwerkNaked · 27/02/2019 10:18

So you could have just opened a joint account but decided you would push the hassle back onto them instead?

Original poster
Jno99 · 27/02/2019 10:20

DH is torn as doesn't want to look like be "needs" it or is taking advantage of his friend. Reality is its just short of a month's wages for DH and maybe a couple of days for his best man so it would make a big difference to us

OP posts:
kmammamalto · 27/02/2019 10:22

How would you know that they wouldn't notice if it came out of their account?! You seem to be making an assumption that they are well off and unless you actually see people's accounts in details you never really know what their financial situation is. I would leave it. It's DHs best man and so his thing to sort out.

Original poster
Jno99 · 27/02/2019 10:23

Loads of reasons not to open a joint account. It was discussed at the time and a 2 min job to transfer money. Hardly a helpful comment there

OP posts:
PazRaz10 · 27/02/2019 10:25

You can't chase or mention it - if they remember they'll do something about it, or they may not - their prerogative. Just write it off and be grateful for all the other gifts you received.

EvaHarknessRose · 27/02/2019 10:27

It's a shame but risk of bad feeling if chased. Value the friendship.

senua · 27/02/2019 10:27

If the man was a good enough friend to ask to be Best Man then isn't he a good enough friend that you can have an open and frank conversation, softened with a bit of humour?

Upalln1ght · 27/02/2019 10:31

Don't say anything!!
You don't know their money situation...Perhaps they could have serious secret money issues. People go through all-sorts behind closed doors but still flash the cash to save face.

But even if they can afford it, you'll feel so awkward and embarrassed after saying something (again). The cash isn't worth that feeling.
They'll know they haven't given you the money and there'll be a reason for that.
I'd say just write it off and you'll be pleasantly surprised if it does crop up in your account one day!

senua · 27/02/2019 10:31

It's a shame but risk of bad feeling if chased. Value the friendship.
I disagree. Imagine the conversation ten years from now, when it comes to light. "I would have said something but I was too embarrassed and thought that perhaps you had fallen on hard times."
Much better to raise it now, with humour.

Original poster
Jno99 · 27/02/2019 10:36

Wedding was 3 months ago. In the context of a marriage I feel this is quite recent. In the context of an event that happened 3 months ago I feel that's quite some time.

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