PATRIARCHY CHICKEN

[BettyTips]

I read this sociological research where the researchers observed a busy high street and noted which sex was more likely to move out of the way to avoid colliding in the street. It was overwhelmingly the women who moved and the men who kept walking on straight.

I was a bit bemused and naively presumed that in a real life situation the men would actually move when it came to the crunch. So for the last two days i've been playing patriarchy chicken.

Basic premise is that you just dont move. Keep your head up and keep on walking. I've been shoulder barged twice. Once by a man who looked entirely shocked and bewildered to see a woman blocking his path.

If you're feeling a bit bored today, go and play and come back with your results tonight!

I think this is a simple example of survival of the fittest. Unless people are explicitly taught an alternative code this is just instinct. The chivalric code, Christian morality and good manners are all ways to undermine the might-is-right animal instinct.
It’s why there is a Highway Code/Rules of the Road and a legal justice system, because without these systems the biggest, strongest and most entitled barge through in every aspect of life.
When these systems break down, as during the aftermath of natural disasters or on a sinking ship, the youngest and fittest men trample the weak.

We’re currently living in a society that has shaken off religious, moral and social codes without replacing those with a alternative value system.

I teach my children to move into single file, wait their turn, be considerate of the elderly, etc and I often wonder if I’m doing them a disservice. Should I be encouraging them to be assertive, pushy and more entitled to compete in the future?

I may be small (5’1” woman) but I have two horses and am used to making myself authoritive through body language. If I won’t move for half a tonne of horseflesh, I ain’t moving for you!

I love this

In Tesco, there was a man looking at the bananas. I went to also get bananas, so walked to the other end of the banana section. When he finished, he wanted to go down the line towards the apples, but I was still at the shelves so instead of walking around me and down the aisle, he walked towards me with his basket out and when I didn't move, he pushed his basket into me. He clearly wanted me to step back from what I was doing so he could walk in between me and the shelves, instead of doing what any normal person would do and walk around the folk still picking bunches of bananas and continue on down the aisle.

Came across his again (it was 7am, the shop was empty) when I was going down to the tills and he was heading the other way. I was walking along the edge of all the tills looking for one with a member of staff at it so I wasn't walking along the edge of each aisle so not in his way. He moved from his path to walk directly towards me, and I didn't move. He got "are you on a mission to be in my way".

Both times, he walked into me. Both times I was minding my own business! First tucked in against the shelves to choose bananas and the second walking on the side of the tills and out of the way of the aisles and he moved into my path!

I think I might really be man....at least when I'm at work. I definitely strut about the place as if I own it and certainly force all the students to move...doesn't always stop them asking me when the real professor will get here though

I was running down the stairs to catch a train once and this bloke wouldn't move. I can't remember what exactly happened but it pissed me off (I was going the 'right' way down too. Fucker.)
There was also the old dude that started shouting at me and tried to push my bag off the table in the library once, while I was minding my own business. I didn't back down, although teenagers are selfish apparently (I was 27.) He was a fucker too, and was sulking afterwards because he hadn't got his own way. (Good. Maybe he'll think again.)
Anyway, those are two experiences of not being 'allowed' to take up space as a woman that are seared into my brain. I'm going to start taking notes on this.
On the other hand, a fairly young European man stood to one side to let me pass one rainy day, and so I avoided going in a puddle.

I was sitting on a bench in the sun outside IKEA waiting for a bus yesterday. I was sitting "end on" rather than forward facing iykwim. I watched a bloke walk straight at me only swerving at the very last second when he realised that the bench wasn't going to move. Was very funny to watch.

Things I’ve noted - if the man is wealthier, suited, and white, it’s worse.

^
This. Totally.

As someone who's commuted for over 20 years I recognise just about everything and am loving this thread.

My worst experiences were always with men on trains that had armrests which came down. I ended up having a massive row with a man who just rammed it onto my shoulder without saying a word (this happened quite frequently). I lifted it up and he started shouting that he wanted it down. When I refused to back down he actually moved seats and sat glaring at me across the aisle. Twat.

Had one man who tried to trip me up because I had the temerity to overtake on a pavement, even though I was nowhere near him. He got a mouthful of abuse from me and one man on a train (I was on the aisle seat) who came over and shouted "will you move up?". I replied "No, because I don't take orders from entitled old gits". He looked stunned and sat elsewhere.

Years ago (about 20 i think now) someone my Mum worked with got a call to say her daughter had been attacked and was in hospital. She rushed off. It turns out her 18 year old petit daughter had perfectly legally overtaken a man on a dual carriageway. He took exception to this so he chased her car, dangerously forcing her off the road and then dragged her out and punched her in the face and broke her jaw.

Fortunately numerous people saw him chase her and stopped so they pulled him off her while he was screaming racist and sexist abuse (She is Asian so I suspect the insult to his white manliness was doubly offended by her slight)

Good for you, MrsKoala!

MrsKoala Fucking hell! I hope he got a jail term? Nasty fucker.

I hope the daughter recovered fully, that must have been awful for her.

Just remembered a really controlling awful ex who thought it was his place to order me to get out of people's way whenever we were out walking. Like I was incapable of discerning that somebody may want to pass.

Mrs Koala! What a terrible cunt! I hope he got locked up?!

MrsKoala (and all), I feel I need to make clear that my 'Good for you!' was in response to the thing about the cord-wearing posho in Sevenoaks – I wasn't being flippant about the horrible story about the broken jaw, I just x-posted!

I ended up having a massive row with a man who just rammed it onto my shoulder without saying a word (this happened quite frequently). I lifted it up and he started shouting that he wanted it down

Wee-eell, you see I always put the arm rest down, so it defines my territory!

Yes, Nikita I assumed that.

Iirc the guy got a couple of years inside. But I think it was attributed to a moment of road rage rather than the hate crime that it was. I can bet my life his rage wouldn't have got the better of him if it had have been a man driving.

Cars seem to bring out the worst of this behaviour. I live near a post depot and every morning the cars are dispatched and the drivers act like they are the only busy people with a purpose. The other day I was pulling out of my mums drive and a lady kindly let me out (there was obvious traffic on her side up ahead so she just slowed down a bit earlier so as not to block my exit). As I was pulling round her to turn right the guy behind her in post van decided to overtake her on my side of the road. There we were face to face on the left. He started swearing at me and gesticulating for me to reverse back. By then I had cars up my jacksy (not that I would have reversed anyway) so I just smiled and shook my head with an 'oh dear that was a silly thing to do, i'm in no hurry so can wait face'. He then went to reverse back to his original spot but it was now taken by another woman in a car. And another was behind her. We smiled at each other when he had to reverse 4 car lengths to get back on the side of the road he belonged swearing the whole time. Got to feel sorry for him, he probably had some very important man business to do.

Yes, I love those seats with arm rests. That, and my carefully placed large handbag, can be an excellent deterrent to a manspreader.

On trains I always sit in the aisle seat in the direction of my left leg on the aisle side (this is because of lots of knee surgery and I need to stretch my leg out at intervals to relieve it). I often get men asking me to move over so I would be squashed by them in the window seat and they can manspread into me and the aisle. I always move my body sideways and indicate to them that they can take the window seat. Some get huffy and tut.

But once on the way home from work 2 blokes got on and the seat opposite mine was vacant and the window one to my right. One of the guys sat in the vacant aisle seat and the other guy asked me to move over. I said he was welcome to the window seat but he didn't want that. He said wanted to talk to his 'colleague about some important stuff and asked if I could just move over. I said i'm not moving because I have recently had knee surgery and need to straighten my leg every few minutes, so he rolled his eyes, huffed and barged past me into the window seat. Then he spent the whole journey leaning over me ostentatiously and gesticulating excitedly to talk to the other man about... football . I pretended to listen to my ear phones and had my eyes closed, because I didn't want him to think he was bothering me.

Tbf his friend looked very embarrassed and apologetic when every now and then i'd look at him sidelong and smile wryly. But the indignation on this mans face was classic. I imagine the poor colleague had to endure train twat's football punditry every day on his commute home.

I'm another one who uses the 'don't move, but just stop dead' method. It's very effective.

But I have another theory - I think that often, the person who moves is the person who is walking more slowly - so nothing to do with size or sex. I've tested this out pretty thoroughly, and it holds true (for me, at least) in the majority of cases.

I did this yesterday in central London and I didn't give way. Was on the extreme left and wouldn't give way for anyone who wasn't with a prat or elderly. I won! 😂

Played this in Vienna yesterday....wouldn't move over. One younger guy really didn't like it when he got the full force of the kilos of chocolate I was carrying as he barged past me, and it inadvertently(!) smacked him.

I'm really surprised, I need to pay more attention to this next time I'm out.

In my experience I've actually found that older women are the ones who think everyone should get out of their way.

I'm not saying I've never experienced it from a man or anyone else, but I get quite ranty about rudeness and it's usually older women in groups who take up alot of space and expect people to move around them... unless they're all playing the game too?

Im not brave enough to walk into anyone but I do stop dead and look at my phone or whatever so they have to walk round me.

There's an interesting commute for me daily - sometimes people walk along the right hand side of a very busy 2 way traffic footpath, and other days on the left. (Between a main station and main street of city - and crossing entrance to a Uni and against other commuter flow from bus stops).

I tend to walk fast, so do a certain amount of weaving (mostly to get out behind those walking my direction).

I tend to keep eyes distant and avoid eye contact ahead of me.

I tend to stop dead those times that people look like taking up the full path coming against me and not moving over. (Some of the paths are quite narrow, and there is a LOT of pedestrian traffic - including gangs of teenage language students, and bus tour groups, at times).

My shoulders have started to get hardened up nicely over the past 2 years that I started to really notice it - and yes, it does tend to be men who will not move.

My biggest pet peeve is 1 path where only 2 will fit - I'll be against the wall, and coming against me are 2 business men chatting, who won't move, and seem to expect me to go out into the road all the way across them. The number of sighs I get when I just stop to let them pass me is funny - poor menz, they need to slip stream behind one another for, ooh about 2 seconds, and can keep talking as they do - but upstart woman is making them change!!

I'm in London so patriarchy chicken is an everyday thing. I deal with it by arming myself. A hard briefcase on the side facing oncoming men is ideal as men are worried about hurting themselves in the briefcase so do tend to swerve round me, but a large rolled up umbrella angled forwards does the job too.

My dh is fairly well built. When we're out with all the kids/buggies/dogs. WITHOUT FAIL every time someone is approaching us coming the other way I drop back to make space on the path. H then stops, drops back too and asks why I've stopped thus still ensuring there is no space for the approaching person. EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!! He just doesn't see it.

I fear this is what will be cited as an irreconcilable difference on our divorce papers. It drives me mad.

I've been doing this for the last few days after I read the thread, I must either be very intimidating (5.2 and 56yo or I just live in an area with very polite men, it truly hasn't been an issue, however, the 2 abreast buggy pushers are soooo rude, please, unless it is a pedestrian only place you really have to walk behind your friend on a narrow pavement. I certainly don't expect you to put your baby into the road so I can pass so why do you expect me to step into the bus lane? drive me mad.