Feeling uncomfortable about the thought of breastfeeding

[LittleNia]

Bit ashamed to actually vocalise this, but feel worse saying it out loud and I'm hoping on here someone may have felt the same and overcome it.

I'm just over halfway through my pregnancy, it's my first baby. The topic of how I'm planning to feed the baby is coming up more and more often and I don't know why it's making me so anxious but it really is. I just feel so uncomfortable with the thought of breastfeeding, I hate the idea of it, I hate the thought of the pain, the leaking through your clothes, the thought of having to pump. I'm just weirded out about it all. I mentioned at the beginning to dhs family upon questioning that I'm thinking of using formula from birth and was told that's utterly ridiculous and you have to atleast give it a go, it's the most natural thing you can do and selfish to not try.

I just feel like I've already lost the battle in my head, If I'm this against it surely I'm bound to fail even if I try. I haven't got a single positive feeling and not even the slightest desire to breastfeed but I feel so guilty about it. I guess I've never been comfortable with my breasts which doesn't really help, my whole teenage years even the smallest double A bras didn't fit me, I was flatter than some boys. I paid for breast implants just to take me up to a B/C cup, but that was before these things were more common place and more heavily judged, I still feel they are to an extent now so I still never became comfortable with them due to that fact and almost feel ashamed about having the surgery. I'm not sure if any of this is related but I'm just trying to pinpoint exactly what feels so wrong to me.

Did anyone just really not want to breastfeed but then managed it? Maybe ended up enjoying it? I'd use formula from birth in a heartbeat I don't want to be letting my son down by not even trying.

Then don’t bf. Mine were bottlefed and they’re fine
It’s not compulsory

I gave bf a go it didn’t work for us so I bottle fed

As long as baby is being fed that’s what actually matters

Try not to let others influence you, although I’m sure they’re well meaning. Of course breastmilk is ‘best for baby’, but your mental health and well-being is also important.
I did give breastfeeding a go with DS1, but alongside other factors I finally made the decision to formula feed. He’s fine, I’m fine, I didn’t stress over it. It was the right choice for us in the end.
Now pregnant with DC2, I’m going with an open mind. I’ll probably give it a go but won’t get hung up over it. For us, a fed baby is best

Will the implants impact feeding - I don't know about that. I have fed 3 babies but still find the concept of breastfeeding in the abstract strange somehow but found it fine / sometimes nice to do. If you want to give it a go - when you have your tiny precious baby in your arms lots of things feel different. But equally you can formula feed too - baby will be fed and happy.

I never fancied BF so I didn't. Both babies v small and had bottles from midwives in delivery room while I was being sewn up from CS

If you don't want to breastfeed that is your decision, you shouldn't feel guilty about using formula and it is not selfish to do so. You are not the first or the last mum to decide breastfeeding isn't for them and use formula from birth.

Asking as they are fed, that’s the important.
FWIW I feel the same OP. I’m only 12 week but have no desire to breast feed. I don’t know why and can’t really explain it, I will obviously be open to anything, but right now I don’t think I will be.

It’s the most natural way to feed a baby and I would always say give it a go and if it works for you wonderful but if it doesn’t then you can always bottle feed, but it’s worth giving it a go at least.

I have breast fed 3 dc, it wasn’t painful for me, I think I leaked through my clothes once! I understand some ladies have a hard time with it but many don’t

I felt similarly to you, it didn't help that my mum had been unsuccessful with breastfeeding and was vocally pro-formula. My breasts are also A cups naturally.

I talked with the midwife, and she and I agreed that it would be good to try feeding for just 6 days to get the colostrum to the baby (it's really really good for them). Then it hurt but my baby really liked it so I thought we'd try for 6 weeks. Then 6 months until weaning... Well, I have ended up feeding all of mine past a year! One had to be combined fed and then fully formula fed as he had growth issues and a bumpy start, that was fine too and La Leche League and my local children's centre helped a lot too. For me, breastfeeding has been brilliantly convenient and bonding, and the extra 500 calories a day isn't bad either.
After the first 6 weeks there's been no pain for me, I've only leaked a few times and it's easy to feed discreetly in public once you've got the hang of it.
If you really don't want to, then don't, your baby will be just fine.
If you are open to the idea but afraid, it can be worth talking to your midwife, or attending a meeting of La Leche League - they welcome pregnant women too.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with whatever you do!

Don't let this spoil the rest of your pregnancy.
Some people really want to BF and it doesn't work out and some go straight to FF.
Don't give anyone the opportunity to add to your emotional turmoil, any questions you need to have an answer ready that you feel comfortable with. 'I haven't decided yet' 'we'll see what happens when he/she has arrived'.

Unfortunately throughout parenting there is much judgement made, I have four dc and I've learnt a while ago to trust my judgment, decide what works best for my children/our family and confidently go with it.
There are so many choices to make and everyone is entitled to their own. Easier said than done with first dc, but answer questions with confidence and conviction and don't allow negative responses to knock you.

Good luck with your new baby. Enjoy, suddenly they are doing GCSE options and learning to drive!!!!!

The concerns that you raise - pain, leaking through clothes, pumping - none of these need be the case. I breastfed 2 children for a year each. Yes there was some nipple soreness in the beginning with the first one, but you can get lanolin cream that helps with this, but once we got going, it was fine. There's no need to leak through clothes if you change breastpads regularly, and not everyone leaks between feeds anyway. As for pumping, just don't do it! I tried it a couple of times, but found it easier just to feed my baby!

Honestly, I think if you just read Mumsnet, you will get a skewed view of breastfeeding, as people won't tend to come on here to say thinks we're great, they come on here when there's a problem! You're already describing breastfeeding as a battle. Why don't you stop putting pressure on yourself, it's ages until your baby will arrive anyway, then just see how you get on? For me, breastfeeding was the lazy option, the idea of messing about with bottles in the early hours filled me with horror!

Don't breastfeed if you don't want to. I'm 4 weeks into breatfeeding and desperately wanted to do it and, being honest, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. That, of course, won't be the same for everyone, but generally speaking I think you do need to be dedicated to doing it. Sometimes it's made me utterly miserable, if I hadn't wanted to do it in the first place I think it would have really ruined the first few weeks of my baby's life, and that would be such a terrible shame.

Do what is right for you. I was formula fed from birth and was always one of the healthiest kids in school, very rarely picked up any of the bugs that went around, so it certainly wasnt harmful for me. The thing that I found quite interesting as my little boy was premature is that be ause he is breastfed we have to give him additional vitamins, where if he was formula fed we wouldn't. He was also very jaundiced and, again, one of the contributing factors for jaundice is apparently being breastfed. That's not to say breastfeeding isn't worthwhile if you want to do it, hence why I continued, but it's an interesting slant on the arguments for/against I thought as I was surprised to learn that.

My primary reason for wanting to breastfeed is the ease of being able to go out without taking loads of bottles/worrying about sterilising etc. My DS has had some formula to supplement my breastmilk and he's reacted no differently to it than he does to my breastmilk. As long as your baby is fed that's all that matters. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into starting breastfeeding if you don't want to. Just enjoy your baby.

Then don't do it.
Seriously, a ridiculous amount of pressure is put on people to breastfeed. If it's not for you, then stick to your guns and do what works for you. You'll enjoy your baby a lot more

They probably just think they're being helpful, but they're not, they're being judgy!

Formula is FINE! Bf is FINE! At least your baby is getting fed! In my job i see a lot of parents who can't even manage that.

Mental health is just as important as physical health, and if the idea of bf'ing is causing you so much anxiety, why do it. Why put yourself at a disadvantage before baby is even here? You need to as close to 100% as you can be to be present for baby. Do what works for you, it is your baby.

Lots of love x

When I was in hospital with my babies, for a month, my time was made miserable by all the bloody breastfeeding pressure. I'd ne er have got out of there if in the end I didn't say enough already I'm stopping this insanity and going with formula. Midwives are not allowed to advice on formula feeding they are only allo to advise on breastfeeding its madness. Luckily a couple of midwives didn't agree with this and did help me but I had to keep it secret.

I never wanted the hassle of bf. mine were ff from day one - everyone was happy and I had no guilt. Get a Tommee Tippee perfect prep machine - they didn’t have these when I had my DC’s but friends rave about how easy they made feeding.

Maybe go to a breastfeeding preparation class? I didn't but probably could have used one. It might help you understand it a bit more and take some fear out (or make you decide formula suits you more). When I had my baby I didn't factor in that I had this incredible urge to feed him, hormonal maybe. I would definitely aim to give your baby some days of colostrum anyway, and see what you decide after that. Professor Amy Brown has written some nice books on breastfeeding. Also kellymom website and Dr Jack Newman are great sources of info.

Your DH's family don't sound very supportive and are being judgmental, so back off from talking to them in future.
Before formula was invented women had to find a wet nurse when they couldn't breast feed. Its silly to pretend everyone can do it without any problems, thats never been true.

Originally, I thought I'd just breastfeed for the first week so they got the colostrum (which contains all your antibodies.) It got easier as the week went on, and I liked not having to sterilise and make up bottles so carried on doing it.

I experienced none of those things when BF - no pain or leaking. I pumped because I wanted to but you don’t have to.

BF is best for baby for a whole host of reasons so why don’t you give it a go, you might find that you get on easily with it. And if it doesn’t work out...well it just doesn’t and you can switch to formula.

Who knows BF may just help you to learn to like your breasts - it’s an amazing thing to experience and lovely for bonding, and it’s what breasts are made for!

How you feed your baby is your choice.

But I have been breastfeeding my baby for 10 months and have never leaked once. I have never worn a breastpad. I have used a pump twice then decided I couldn’t be bothered with it. I had some pain in the first couple of weeks but it has been so worth that for all the benefits to me and the baby. You could always try it and if you don’t like it just stop.

I'm half way through my first pregnancy too.
I'm hoping to breastfeed - it's free and I don't have to sterilise my boobs! But I'm going to have bottles on standby and whatever baby takes to is fine by me. Fed is best!

You don't need to decide 100% either way. You will do what feel right for you at the time

my whole teenage years even the smallest double A bras didn't fit me, I was flatter than some boys

Speaking as someone who never liked my own breasts, it was nice that they served a real, non-decorative purpose. No one will love your boobs as much as your baby, guaranteed, no matter what they look like.

You are definitely overthinking this. You might as well try it, as there’s always formula if you need it.

Personally, I thought I would hate it and only did it for the health benefits for the both of us. But after the initial few weeks of establishment, I found I actually enjoyed it....most of the time, anyway.

I would prepare for both FF and BF, as mixed feeding is most convenient if you have a busy lifestyle. Wouldn’t really bother pumping unless you intend to go back to work early.

Perhaps at least try and express the colustrum for baby? The antibodies will really help build baby's immunity. I Al o recommend you get yourself along to a breastfeeding support group now to talk it through. It maybe you'd have difficulties anyway with your implants but they can inform you about hand expressing, relieving engorgement discomfort etc

Stop talking about it with other people, but attending a BF class (it was included as a separate bit of our NCT weekend) might help you combat the fears and let you make up your mind from a calmer place. In your shoes I would try to feed your baby initially to get him/her the colostrum, anyway, with no pressure, and see how it goes, but I was not able to BF my son, as my milk never came in, despite doing all the right things (medical advice, blood tests, BF peer supporter and cafés, La Leche League, HV etc etc), and I wish that FF had been a genuine choice for me, when it wasn't.

No-one needs to know what you choose to do (except your partner, would take account if he has a strong preference but ultimately it’s your decision). I wasn’t happy breastfeeding in public so expressed and bottle fed when we were out, which worked for us.
Whatever you decide, colostrum is really beneficial.

Don’t BF then, it really is that simple. I’ve never liked the idea of it so both my kids were formula fed from the outset, couldn’t give two hoots what anyone else thought and no one ever gave me reason to think they cared either way. There’s so much going on when you have a baby, let alone your first, you need to have limits in what you’re comfortable with. So stick with your guns.