Feeling uncomfortable about the thought of breastfeeding

[LittleNia]

Bit ashamed to actually vocalise this, but feel worse saying it out loud and I'm hoping on here someone may have felt the same and overcome it.

I'm just over halfway through my pregnancy, it's my first baby. The topic of how I'm planning to feed the baby is coming up more and more often and I don't know why it's making me so anxious but it really is. I just feel so uncomfortable with the thought of breastfeeding, I hate the idea of it, I hate the thought of the pain, the leaking through your clothes, the thought of having to pump. I'm just weirded out about it all. I mentioned at the beginning to dhs family upon questioning that I'm thinking of using formula from birth and was told that's utterly ridiculous and you have to atleast give it a go, it's the most natural thing you can do and selfish to not try.

I just feel like I've already lost the battle in my head, If I'm this against it surely I'm bound to fail even if I try. I haven't got a single positive feeling and not even the slightest desire to breastfeed but I feel so guilty about it. I guess I've never been comfortable with my breasts which doesn't really help, my whole teenage years even the smallest double A bras didn't fit me, I was flatter than some boys. I paid for breast implants just to take me up to a B/C cup, but that was before these things were more common place and more heavily judged, I still feel they are to an extent now so I still never became comfortable with them due to that fact and almost feel ashamed about having the surgery. I'm not sure if any of this is related but I'm just trying to pinpoint exactly what feels so wrong to me.

Did anyone just really not want to breastfeed but then managed it? Maybe ended up enjoying it? I'd use formula from birth in a heartbeat I don't want to be letting my son down by not even trying.

It is absolutely fine to not want to bf for ANY reason if you don't want to, it's your body and your choice and is not selfish at all as we have a perfectly fine alternative.

Don't put any pressure on yourself and remind anyone querying your decision, whatever that is, that it's none of their business. You might feel differently or you may not, and that's fine.

I say this as someone who bf for 2 years.

You don’t have to do anything you’re not happy with. I felt the same as you during my pregnancy but after a bad reaction when I voiced my views I started just telling people I was going to try but not put pressure on myself. However my DD then arrived early and I was encouraged to express as it was easier on a premature baby’s digestion so I decided I’d do it for 6 weeks then see, at 6 weeks I then decided to do it until 3 months then see and eventually stopped at 6 months. I did enjoy it but I was also happy when we made the transition to combination feeding then purely formula. I would try to keep an open mind as you don’t know how you’ll feel when your baby comes but you don’t have to.
Also me and DH agreed that if I decided I didn’t want to breastfed that we’d tell people my milk didn’t come in enough or baby wouldn’t latch or something rather than explain that I didn’t want to as i didn’t want to explain myself to people

I breastfed 3 children and enjoyed it, but honestly if I hadn't enjoyed it I would have stopped!

Breast or bottle, and other things like traditional or baby led weaning, seem really important when you have a precious first born but a few years down the line you realise they didn't matter much at all.

Keep an open mind @LittleNia you might try it and find it just clicks for you.

It is a lot easier than bottle feeding and healthier for both of you. I think it's worth giving it a crack, but not worth jeopardising your mental health for. If I was you, I'd try not to worry ahead of time, just give it a go when the baby arrives and then go easy on yourself if it's not for you.

Good luck with your baby!

Don't engage in conversation about it. Just change the subject and don't be drawn. Everyone has an opinion about women when it comes to pg, birth, bf, and very rarely are they nuanced opinions or expressed with any empathy. Just don't go there.

On BF it's up to you entirely. If you don't want to then alternatives are available that millions of babies have been fed on so they are hardly the end of the world!

When you're thinking about it though you do seem to be worst case scenario - which I was as my friends had BF and they all said how awful it was, pain, crying, cracked nipples, mastitis. I expected it to be horrendous but I gave it a go and for me it was a piece of piss. So that was fine. I was lucky not saying otherwise before anyone jumps on me!

So the pain, leaking is not a foregone conclusion and I never pumped either.

Having said that >

If you don't want to then don't it's hardly the end of the world! Please don't feel guilty. And just don't discuss with people and esp as it's something that is a part of your body you're not secure about and you're guilty on a topic like this it's just going to be a shit conversation always.
You could lie and say yes if they go on about it just to shut them up.

Fair enough if you really don't want to, Op, but you have a lot of misconceptions about what it's like. I was quite lucky, I didn't have any pain, never leaked, didn't need to use a pump until I went back to work 7 mos afterward, had A cups well into my 3rd trimester and managed 16 months of BF-ing without any issues. And this was in an environment where nearly everyone, including my mother, discouraged me. Whipping out a boob to feed, particularly at night, is soooo much easier than having to faff about with bottles and baby milk. It's at least worth a go.

Oh and whatever you do, do NOT read lots of threads on here about it.

There are some people who are OTT and can be really horrible and scaremongering.

The thought of BF made me feel physically ill for some reason, was never an option as far as I was concerned- so I didn’t
2 happy healthy children and no fucks given about what anyone else thought/thinks about it.
Other people seem very overinvested about how people feed their baby. As long as it’s safe and baby is thriving it doesn’t matter

I had no intention of BF and didn't

My dc is about the healthiest in every possible way.

Enjoy your baby

I fed my child for years, much longer than everyone. However, I am absolutely convinced that it's your tits and therefore your choice!

I'd suggest getting colostrum in to baby but you can do that through expressing just using your hands too. Ask your midwife.

It's totally your choice, be very vocal about shooting down protestors or people being rude. You can't win- I had the same type of pressure about using formula instead of breastfeeding.

At the same time- don't close the door totally. You could always try it. I struggled initially but just did one feed at a time and seen what happened next. But if this is going to stress you out too much about your birth, it's not worth developing anxiety over. It's too important a time for you to be stressed out over.

I meant I fed for much longer than most people would. Not "everyone"

You can do whatever you like - but some of the things you describe are not certain with BF. My advice would be to put your baby to the breast in the early days and see what happens - you might have a baby who latches like a dream with no problems and it works out so you can even just do a bit of BF on your terms. Even if they get colostrum in between formula that is still highly beneficial. If you hate it you can stop. You may find you get more of an urge to do it once your baby is here.

Smaller breasts = easier breastfeeding if you do do it in my experience as it's much easier to be very discrete if you want to be.

All that said, formula is a perfectly valid, healthy feeding choice if you find you don't want to BF at all.

You don't have to! It's your body. I didn't want to either and I didn't. I was bullied by family ex friends and acquaintances but all medical professionals were pleasantly supportive of MY choice

I didn't breast feed and my dcs were fine. It's not compulsory. If I had been forced to breastfeed it would have damaged my relationship with the baby. Also I didn't want my baby to drink blood from my cracked nipples. The midwife who ran the prenatal group told us it would turn the baby's poo black.

If you feel you can then just give it a go... it may be very easy as it is for some women... if it's not for you just switch to formula... you dont have to make yourself miserable over it! I'd give it a go at least though because you never know how you're really going to feel till you try it.
Both my babies latched on in the moments after they were born! So I felt it was actually much easier to continue doing that than trying to use formula.. much easier at night without all the prep. And cheaper!
I'd not say I enjoyed it with my first... just that for me it was much easier than formula... but with my second it's been both easy and I've actually enjoyed it!
Try it out in the hospital and it might just come to you completely naturally and you'll not know what you were worried about! Then again it may not, but that's not a big problem is it, formula will feed your baby just as well and there are pluses to formula too like someone else being able to do the early weeks night feeds!!
Good luck with it and congratulations!

If you don’t want to do it don’t do it. All my 4 were bottle fed and they’re fine. I was like you just didn’t want to.

Do what you want to do - don't think that you need permission from anyone. I breastfed mainly but if I felt like you I would probably bottle feed. If you did try to breastfeed this is my experience: You only need to pump milk if you are going away from baby - therefore keep baby with you then you don't need to pump! I found that most nipple creams contain lanolin which can make soreness worse especially for eczema sufferers - Palmers type did not. You can use padded bras so that leakage does not show. I found breastfeeding simple and a relief - no containers, no washing, perfect temperature, always ready, no wastage.

However if all of this is stressing you out bottle feed! I see lots of grown adults walking about who were bottle fed as babies. They haven't grown horns or anything, they are perfectly fine.

I didn’t breastfeed my second because I couldn’t face someone sucking on my body 🤷🏻‍♀️ He’s perfectly fine! Breastfeeding with my first was a disaster and I want going to put my husband and baby and self through that again, so maybe that coloured my view, but even in my first pregnancy I remember feeling like I didn’t want to BF. I did however give colostrum both times!

Just don't bf. my sil was adamantly against it. If people brought it up she just said no and didn't offer up anything else because she didn't have to. I wanted to be but it was extremely painful and dd was so anguished and hungry so I stopped after 4 days.

The positives of breastfeeding are overrated imo. Yes, it has been proven that the child has a bit more immunity in the first five years. They still get every virus going anyway. And I say that as someone who actually wanted to breastfeed. It's fine not to do it. Babies thrive just as well on formula.

Yes, it’s important to prepare well for after the birth. But it’s also a whole different world when you get there.

I discovered that breastfeeding was quite fun and felt like a real superpower- feeding a human just using my body? Cool!

Also, looking back, it made for some times of really calm connection with my baby. I was actually sorry to have to stop! Point is, don’t close any doors now. See how you feel, and go with that. You might be surprised! (Plus don’t think that you’re somehow saving yourself hassle by going with bottles. The sterilising, expense and general faff is the same, or worse!)

It's up to you OP. In my experience the pain and leaking was very short term and pumping isn't necessary if you don't want to.

What I found a lot harder was being stuck on the sofa half the time with DD doing endless cluster feeds which went on every evening for several months. However they don't all do that.

In the long term the pros are not having to get out of bed at night once baby stops night pooing, not having to take feeding equipment out and being a bit more spontaneous rather than having to plan things around bringing bottles or getting home to boil the kettle.

I also agree with Pineapple, I've never been keen on my breasts and having them become something functional helped. I used to use a cover but gradually became less inhibited and now I half heartedly throw a muslin on myself, if that.

Honestly, don't breastfeed if you don't want to. Do what suits you and enjoy your lovely new baby.

You'll find that this is start of many many things people will lecture you on now you're going to be a mother. It won't be long until you develop a mechanism of not taking these things to heart. I always use the suggestion someone on here gave me of smiling and nodding whilst saying 'fuuuuckkk offffffff' in my head.

People should keep their opinions to themselves but they won't. Do what's right for you and sod the rest. Much more to being a good mother than how you feed your baby.

If you are being pressured to breastfeed and being asked endlessly, just say that you are going to give breastfeeding a go just to shut people up, then when the time comes decide what you want to do. With the right encouragement you might want to try it, or you might not, it will be totally up to you. I did it but only for the first few weeks with each baby, I hated having big, leaky, milky boobs, but I liked the actual feeding, it made me feel very close to my babies, and very womanly, if that makes sense. As a pp said, try not to let it spoil your pregnancy, it's really no one's business but your own how you feed your baby.

I have two answers:

A) you might get over it and breastfeed, for me it hurts bit but I got through it and will feed DD basically anywhere now (supermarket, train, work, in front of friends/family/strangers) but it does suck sometimes and I dreaded feeds occasionally and I'm working on bottle feeding so I can leave DD for a bit.

B) fuck it, bottle feed! I just learned that bottle feeding is at least 4000 years old. Man has been making tools to get a job done for a long time, a bottle is a tool to feed a baby