Feeling uncomfortable about the thought of breastfeeding

[LittleNia]

Bit ashamed to actually vocalise this, but feel worse saying it out loud and I'm hoping on here someone may have felt the same and overcome it.

I'm just over halfway through my pregnancy, it's my first baby. The topic of how I'm planning to feed the baby is coming up more and more often and I don't know why it's making me so anxious but it really is. I just feel so uncomfortable with the thought of breastfeeding, I hate the idea of it, I hate the thought of the pain, the leaking through your clothes, the thought of having to pump. I'm just weirded out about it all. I mentioned at the beginning to dhs family upon questioning that I'm thinking of using formula from birth and was told that's utterly ridiculous and you have to atleast give it a go, it's the most natural thing you can do and selfish to not try.

I just feel like I've already lost the battle in my head, If I'm this against it surely I'm bound to fail even if I try. I haven't got a single positive feeling and not even the slightest desire to breastfeed but I feel so guilty about it. I guess I've never been comfortable with my breasts which doesn't really help, my whole teenage years even the smallest double A bras didn't fit me, I was flatter than some boys. I paid for breast implants just to take me up to a B/C cup, but that was before these things were more common place and more heavily judged, I still feel they are to an extent now so I still never became comfortable with them due to that fact and almost feel ashamed about having the surgery. I'm not sure if any of this is related but I'm just trying to pinpoint exactly what feels so wrong to me.

Did anyone just really not want to breastfeed but then managed it? Maybe ended up enjoying it? I'd use formula from birth in a heartbeat I don't want to be letting my son down by not even trying.

Don't give in to pressure to BF if you don't want to do it. Get yourself ready for FF, take some ready made bottles in hospital with you & have formula, bottles & steriliser ready waiting at home for when you get home. I was pressured to BF, was very ill after EMCS & for first 48 hours midwives never left me alone about it, I wasn't strong enough to speak out (full of drugs, long story) As soon as I could function I asked for formula & refused to BF. DS loved FF & settled straight away on bottle, was never ill & thrived. Put on your birth plan that you intend to FF & make sure your birth partner knows your wishes. Tell midwife & anyone else who asks your wishes. Don't let the pressure to BF spoil your pregnancy, if anyone argues, tell them that the pressure to BF is affecting your mental health. A fed baby & a happy mum is what matters, good luck with your baby.

I felt like you OP. With my first baby I tried BF-ins and he didn't latch at all so I went to bottles and we had a great experience ff-img. He was and is a happy, content and very healthy child. With my second baby I again tried BF-info and she took to it really well. Too well. Despite me giving a daily bottle from three days in as I was terrified of bottle refusal, she soon refused bottles totally. I am now stuck in breastfeeding hell-I hate it just as much as I thought I would but I simply can't put my baby through the trauma of going cold turkey. Every day I regret starting and not listening to my gut. If I ever had another baby I would never breastfeed. I'm not trying to be negative but this is my honest position and the experience I am living. Breastfeeding is great for lots of people but formula feeding is best for others. And if you decide to ff don't worry about impacts on your baby-the latest studies are very unconvincing with regards to any measurable benefits of BF-ing to your baby. However a mother on the brink of a breakdown (as I have been, purely down to feeling forced to do something with my body over and over again that I despise) is no good for anyone.

Oh and by breastfed baby is constantly ill with coughs and colds and is much less happy and settled than her brother was. I'm not saying that's because of breastfeeding but it sure as hell hasn't meant she is better off than he was!

Anyone telling you what to do has no right.

Your baby will be absolutely fine; all they need is love, food and warmth. If you feel confident and supported enough to give breastfeeding a try, do it. If your baby arrives and you feel overwhelmed and unable to try, use formula and never let anyone make you feel guilty for even a second.

I am very pro breastmilk but If you don’t want to breastfeed then don’t. Formula is fine. You shouldn’t feel guilty.

Don't stress about it. It's not the be all and end all. But fwiw, I used breastpads so leaking wasn't an issue, it never hurt and I didn't bother with pumping as I didn't have to be away from him. I'm very lazy so found it just easier and low on faff! Didn't have to prep anything to leave the house or get up in the night. Plus I was broke so was happy to not spend loads on kit and formula. Just was much easier for us personally. You may try it and be suprised. But no biggie if it's not working out.

Your family are wrong. It's not selfish to not try. I didn't want to get it so I didn't. I wrote in my birth plan that I would not be even attempting to breastfeed, at all. I went to the birth centre with my starter pack of formula and when i was settled the midwife read my birth plan, she mentioned the feeding to confirm that was still my plan, I said yes and she was lovely and didn't push me and said that was fine.
My son is perfectly healthy.
It's not something everyone wants to do and i believe we shouldn't have to if we don't want to.

My baby didn't feed for almost 24 hours when he was born; he just wanted to lick at my nipple and refused to latch on. We got home and I tried but was unsuccessful at breastfeeding as my nipples were pretty flat.
I pumped colostrum/milk for two weeks and then gave up as it was stressing me out and too much hassle. He would take the breast milk, throw it all up, I'd follow with formula and he'd keep it down.
He's now on formula only and is so settled and the perfect baby!

It's not for everyone. I hate everything about breastfeeding for myself. I have no issue with others that want to.

Before I had DD the idea of breastfeeding freaked me out a bit I have to be honest. And for the first few days I sometimes felt queasy when she was sucking before the milk started flowing. But I fed her for almost 2 years and grew to love it, and now really miss it. Pregnancy is such a rollercoaster for your mind and body, and the idea of more changes and restrictions on you once it's over can be tough. I do think it's worth giving it a go as the first colostrum is so important, then you can go to formula if bf is not for you knowing baby got the most important milk. You can't stop your milk coming in, so you will have pain and swelling before it dries up, if you don't breastfeed anyway.

I’m still breastfeeding my toddler, prescription formula (CMPA) has been used alongside bf. I haven’t leaked, pumped or had pain. But if I were to list the pro and cons of bf and ff they’d come out pretty much the same. It’s your choice.

The thing that strikes me from your post is that you had made a decision that you were happy with and now feel ashamed as a result of what your in-laws said. This is your baby and there will be so many decisions to make in their life and you and your partner will be the one to make them. If you are happy with your choice just explain this is what we are going to do. I hope that your partner backs you up whatever you do.

I say this as someone who is breastfeeding and is very happy doing so. Before I had my baby I was not sure. I never leaked and only used breastpads as my milk was coming in 5 days after my baby was born (my friend who formula fed from birth also had to do this). You don’t have to pump and it won’t necessarily be painful.

Other posters have suggested good resources to look at if you are interested in finding out more about breastfeeding, like the Kellymom website. Look into it and see if you do want to give it a go. It is not an all or nothing decision. The most important thing is that you are informed and make your own choice about what is best for you and your baby.

My son is a year old and breastfed, he still gets sick and isn't in any way superior to formula babies! Do not guilt yourself into this! Stay strong, a baby would prefer a happy mum and formula to a upset mum and you should tell that to anyone who questions your choices

Also I didn't want my baby to drink blood from my cracked nipples. The midwife who ran the prenatal group told us it would turn the baby's poo black

Most people’s nipples don’t bleed so that’s an odd thing for her to say and a shame that put you off!

People can and should feed their children however they want but I don’t think the conversation should include dismissing the many proven benefits of BF which include reduced risk of:
ear, chest and kidney infections
gastroenteritis
eczema and asthma
childhood obesity
childhood leukaemia
childhood diabetes
sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)

It's your body and if thats how you feel then bottle feed. Baby will be happy and healthy either way, so long as it's fed.

But on the aspects your worrying about:
Some mums do but i never leaked milk through my clothes.
I had 2 babies, baby 1 was a dream to feed and never had any pain at all baby no 2 had pain latching and decided to bottle feed after 8 weeks.
I never pumped as i never got that much milk when i did so was one less thing to faff with.

I halfheartedly intended to breastfeed my first but wasn’t able to because of a complicated birth. I expressed for a month and absolutely hated it so switched to formula which was great. My son is a very happy and healthy little guy and I have no regrets. I had my second and formula fed him from birth. I’ve had a few comments like ‘why did you not even try’ but sod them. If you don’t want to you don’t want to. Breastfeeding isn’t necessarily best for your baby if you aren’t happy doing it. What is best for your baby is having a healthy and happy mum and if that means formula feeding then that is fine. Millions of children have thrived on formula. It’s not a bad thing to not want to breastfeed.

If you're uncomfortable with it, don't do it. Nobody dies.

But...
You don't have to pump, ever. That's a fashion not a necessity. It's rubbish but some people like it so they can have it.
It will hurt at first. Until you get the latching right. It's about the positions you use and about the baby having easy access to the nipple without pulling.
Leaking, i it happens, is easily dealt with.
You aren't 'bound to fail', but you don't have to do it if you don't want to. Your body, your choice.
Does your surgery still allow you to feed? It might be that it doesn't.

Whatever you decide, you won't be 'letting your son down'. You are thinking things through, making sensible decisions. Trust yourself.

It will hurt at first. Until you get the latching right. It's about the positions you use and about the baby having easy access to the nipple without pulling.

It never ever hurt when I BF

Leaking, it happens, is easily dealt with

I never leaked

These are your experiences and not all people’s and might serve to put people off than wouldn’t ever experience these things

I'm flat-chested to the extent that I almost never wear a bra, and have bf three children for a cumulative total of 11 years (4.5 for dc1, 3 for the next - with two years of tandem feeding overlap - and 3.5 and counting for dc3). It's actually easier with smaller breasts because you can feed on the move in a sling, which was a godsend with the older two as I could still be out and about with the toddler.

Once you get through the first bit (IME) it's incredibly convenient. FF always seemed to me like an incredible faff (and dc1 was mixed fed for the first month, due to the hospital messing things up for us, but after that never had a bottle again, and the other two never had one once).

@Windingstreams - not sure what you mean by childhood diabetes? Could you clarify?

I do wish more would be done to debunk the flat chested = less milk myth

There’s not much more to say! Breastfeeding reduces the risk of type 1 diabetes fairly significantly

www.diabetesincontrol.com/breastfeeding-helps-to-prevent-type-1-diabetes/

I never once even tried to breast feed my DD. I couldn't get my head around it, was terrified of feeding away from home, in front on people etc etc. I knew my already fragile mental health couldn't have coped with breast feeding so I just didn't do it.
The midwives tried to convince me to at least have a go, but didn't bat an eyelid when I refused.
To what's right for you.

I didn’t breastfeed and my DC are healthy, happy adults now. Please don’t feel ashamed for wanting to use formula, you will be a great mum however you feed your baby.

Do what you think is best and ignore anyone who means well but tries to tell you what to do. Everyone draws from their own experience, so those who breastfed will tell you to do that and those who bottle fed will say bottle feed your DC.

I went into my pregnancies with an open mind. I agreed with DH to give it a shot and if it didn't work then move onto bottle feeding.

We live in a time and place where we are lucky to have the choice. I BF both of mine, but I always knew I wanted to. Both my nieces were FF. No one cares after the first 6 months. It seems a big deal when they're new born, but in the long term it isn't.
Breast milk is tailor made for human babies, full of antibodies and nutrients. But formula is not poison! Babies on formula do just fine.
Make the choice that is right for your family.