Did anyone else grow up with very shouty and angry parents/ family? How has it affected you?

[Henree]

I was the youngest of a large family. My siblings were all alot older than me as there's a bit of a gap between me and the next child.

As a result I was always shouted at by parents and siblings alike. Almost always for asking a question or doing something normal eg tripping over . I would get shouted at for falling and hurting myself. I would cry for being told off nastily not for the pain of my bleeding knees.

Apart from other shit stuff in childhood I think this is one of the most shit things that has affected me. Its no wonder I have crippling low self esteem and am socially anxious. Im scared of saying/ doing the wrong thing. Im scared of being assertive in case ppl get angry with me. Im scared of getting people upset with me so i never say no. The list goes on.

shouty mother has had two specific consequences

firstly I cannot do any exercise class where the instructor shouts at the class - which seems to be 99% of all classes!

Why can't they learn to use their voice which is their trade?

Secondly I can never hear my name called without my heart sinking!

I think this is very sad.

I'm just working my way through this and started to think about something then @ShihTzup said it.

Shouting at the TV. I can't bear it. My DH is a huge sports fan and I still remember the first time he had his mild mannered father round to watch a match.

His team scored a goal and they both jumped up screamed and shouted. My dog was fucking terrified. It made me want to cry and hit them both in one go.

It was an emotion I really didn't recognise.

My own Dad is great but s bit glass half empty. I remember him being mildly cross and impatient with me through my teens but I have no real history of this triggering reaction.

Luckily DH knows that he goes to his Dads/friends/neighbours to watch the match in company. I never complain about him going out but I cannot abide that horrible roar that only comes from sports matches.

I’m glad it’s not just me.

Unfortunately duh gets very defensive when asked not to do the shouty sport watching thing. Especially if asked during a match to keep it down. Not appealing at all.

I don’t understand it because he literally never ever shouts apart from that. I’ve tried letting him know how it makes me and the kids feel, but it does seem to go in at all.

We resort to trying to dispatch him elsewhere to watch, going out ourselves if he’s at home watching, or hiding in a bedroom with doors closed and music on. Luckily it’s not very often at all. Bring on the end of the six nations!

High five @ShihTzup and the PP whose father threw a tantrum over the rugby. It's horrible.

Another thing I can't bear is that awful hugging/grabbing thing that happens. I mean wtf is that? It's so physical I recoil in horror.

It's understandable for people to worry about recreating the same relationship with their dc but that hasn't happened with my dds 11 and 14. Me and my mum are like chalk and cheese though so i guess not that surprising.

That you think about and are aware of your fears of becoming like your own parent/parents shows you are less likely to

We can all feel anger and sometimes raging anger towards our children and that has frightened me but it’s my actions that matter and how I manage my feelings - which is very very different from what I went through I don’t want my ds to feel bad,
sad or fear sadly some people get something from that

YES. constent shououngtitng since i was 5 up until now im not im now now 18. it has left me with permanent tremors, i quit school at 13 becauseei getting too stressssed and i got assolted on top o that.

i was alwayyyes top set. not i cannot even hold a pencil without droping it 10 times i cant eveenn type.

i committed try suiciddde manmy timres because of thisss and i help me me.

it continute in my head. i am tortuyred.🙁

sorrty berceaudse for typppoos