If someone was travelling 3 hours to visit you and arriving at lunchtime......

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Would you automatically make sure you had something in to give them lunch?

I’m going to visit a friend tomorrow and staying overnight. We visit each other once a year, maybe twice, going on a Saturday and coming home on a Sunday. Sometimes alone, sometimes we bring the kids/partners. But it’s a mutual thing and we take turns visiting each other, for the purpose of seeing each other, not crashing at each other’s houses for another reason.

Anyway, we live 3 hours apart and arrival is usually 12-1pm. When my friend comes here I always make lunch or at least make sure that there is food in to offer a decent sandwich or whatever and feed the kids, usually get in some treats such as cake or whatever. It’s always accepted and eaten.

Dinner is usually takeaway or meal out.

However, when I visit friend, there is never any offer of food when I arrive. I’m just sorting myself out to leave tomorrow and I don’t know why but knowing that I’m going to have to take my own lunch has annoyed me. It feels rude to rock up with just lunch for myself but the alternative is take lunch for friend and her husband and kids too (knowing that it will probably not get eaten) or making a sandwich and eating in the car 5 mins down the road before I get there.

I am a big girl and am able to feed myself obviously but is it weird that there is never any provision for guests?

Blimey yes!

Absolutely!! I'd put something on, even if only a few sandwiches!

Your friend is a crap host. Arrive at 2 and have a decent lunch in a services on the way.

Yes it's weird.

I'd message her now, "I'll be arriving lunchtime tomorrow, what do you want to do for lunch?"

My sister is like this but lives overseas. We travel for half a day and she never has any food in! She just doesn't think to do that! Her brain thinks differently.

We make sure we eat well on the plane and pack cereals and biscuits.

Yeah, arrive after lunch to get the whole problem out of the way (that's the British way, anyway - tiptoe around the issue )

Yes, very strange that she doesn't offer you lunch.
I think if it were me, I'd stop somewhere nice nearby and have lunch, I'd see it as a bit of an extra treat to start the trip off well.

Yes that is strange. I would probably scoff a sandwich in the car.

It is very weird.
But can you not tell your friend you're hungry?

I’d stop and get lunch or a late big breakfast on the way, probably at a supermarket cafe.

Yes I would have something planned for lunch, I'd go over and above board for a friend travelling that far to see me.

If it was me, I'd settle them in and take them out for a long leisurely afternoon tea. Then settle down for good chinwag and takeaway line the evening.

Really odd! How early does your friend and her family eat lunch to totally avoid offering you any? I have visions of them hastily wiping crumbs from their mouths and cramming plates into the dishwasher as you pull into her drive!

Yes. Absolutely.

Arrive, say your hellos then say something like "we're starving after that drive; what's for lunch"... make it obvious. If she doesn't have anything say "oh, are we going out for lunch?" And if she says she hadnt planned too then just say "well, we're going to have to pop out for something to eat so we will be back in around an hour". I would also say something regarding the fact that you always provide lunch!

She should make you lunch. Maybe ask her what she’s prepared for lunch tomorrow? She might get the hint

Oh that's awful. I have a reciprocal visiting set up with a friend who lives an hour away. As soon as the visiting friend arrives they have a cuppa and a cake pressed on them. Lunch is always suitably carby followed by more cake. Then cake before visit is over and we always offer to give each others kids their dinner too. I second the poster who says to arrive a bit later and treat yourself to lunch first. Do they live somewhere with nice cafes?

That’s awful hosting

I would eat in the car. My Good friend is the same, she doesn't mean harm by it just doesn't think. I also always pack snacks when I see her.

Yep, I've had this. Drove 3 hours to see a friend and when I got there I wasn't offered anything at all. It was a bit ridiculous.

What sort of friend expects someone to drive 3 hours to see them and then doesn't provide lunch, or even a sandwich? An ex-friend, that's who. Of course it's not normal.

I would have the conversation with my friend (and do so). To be honest, given the unpredictability of motorways we tend to agree to eat on the way. I don’t want them waiting to eat lunch if we are delayed.

Are there children in the home, and at home, when you arrive? Or at your house when she arrives?

A lot of people just don’t really have lunch. Especially if there are no children around clamoring for a meal. I just grab a yogurt or granola bar and eat actual meals in the morning and evening, and this is pretty common among my girlfriends. For guests, I usually just make sure there are snacks and things like that available and doubt I’d ever think lunch was expected. But I’d put something together if I knew my guest was a “lunch person.” If she’s a good host otherwise, I agree with the advice to just ask her. “I’ll be getting there around 12- what do you want to do about lunch?”

Yes if someone was arriving at lunch time, I'd give them lunch!
It wouldn't occur to me to do otherwise!

I would stop arranging lunchtime arrivals - make sure you eat first and visit each other after lunch, so much simpler. Or actually make the plans between you about lunch arrangements before visits.