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Original poster

If someone was travelling 3 hours to visit you and arriving at lunchtime......

77 replies

BasinHaircut · 15/02/2019 20:57

Would you automatically make sure you had something in to give them lunch?

I’m going to visit a friend tomorrow and staying overnight. We visit each other once a year, maybe twice, going on a Saturday and coming home on a Sunday. Sometimes alone, sometimes we bring the kids/partners. But it’s a mutual thing and we take turns visiting each other, for the purpose of seeing each other, not crashing at each other’s houses for another reason.

Anyway, we live 3 hours apart and arrival is usually 12-1pm. When my friend comes here I always make lunch or at least make sure that there is food in to offer a decent sandwich or whatever and feed the kids, usually get in some treats such as cake or whatever. It’s always accepted and eaten.

Dinner is usually takeaway or meal out.

However, when I visit friend, there is never any offer of food when I arrive. I’m just sorting myself out to leave tomorrow and I don’t know why but knowing that I’m going to have to take my own lunch has annoyed me. It feels rude to rock up with just lunch for myself but the alternative is take lunch for friend and her husband and kids too (knowing that it will probably not get eaten) or making a sandwich and eating in the car 5 mins down the road before I get there.

I am a big girl and am able to feed myself obviously but is it weird that there is never any provision for guests?

OP posts:
Rockbird · 15/02/2019 23:19

Really really odd, whether you're a lunch person or not. And she clearly is given that she hoovers it up when she visits you.

I'm the most antisocial beast on the planet and rarely have visitors but even I morph into Mrs Doyle if people do come round. It's just good manners.

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 16/02/2019 07:20

Can’t believe how unanimous this is!

I am going to text in a minute and confirm what time I’m leaving/expect to arrive (as I normally would) and ask about whether I need to grab lunch on the way. There is a big supermarket about 30 mins before I get to her with a cafe and if necessary I’ll stop there today.

I suppose she isn’t really a lunch person in general, would probably lean more towards snacking during the day, but certainly no money issues that would prohibit her offering a sarnie, deffo not lazy or inconsiderate in general.

It’s just weird.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/02/2019 07:28

Yes definitely drop in

'Shall I come around two and have lunch first?'

May make her think

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Squickety · 16/02/2019 07:28

Reminds me of the time we drove 5 hours to see a relative of DHs, got there and there wasn't even any milk for tea or toilet roll!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 16/02/2019 07:45

I'm not a lunch-person either, but I never assume that anyone visiting will be the same.
It's no excuse, IMO. I will always have something to offer.

MarthasGinYard · 16/02/2019 07:48

'got there and there wasn't even any milk for tea or toilet roll!'Grin

I'd have had to leave them a very....special gift

ArmchairTraveller · 16/02/2019 08:11

And stop feeding her when she arrives at yours.

LaFreaka · 16/02/2019 08:12

I wouldn't arrive at someone's house around lunchtime without having had the conversation about food beforehand - if I didn't want to have the conversation I'd eat before I arrived at her house. It's no big deal. We travel 3 hours to the in-laws frequently - they never have food in, but some how we manage to get around it - it's pretty easy. Actually in many ways I'm relieved that the inlaws don't feed us because they'd be stressed out and bloody annoying and no doubt we'd be 5 mins late and that would be the end of the bloody world.

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 16/02/2019 08:18

The only time I've got this wrong was when MIL got on a train just after noon and we collected her at the other end and offered her tea and cake and she went off on one about why we weren't offering her lunch... at that point it was 4pm. So yes she was hungry but I still can't figure out why she hadn't eaten lunch before she left or on the way.

If she'd arrived at any point before 2, I would have offered. Even 2-3pm I would have asked.

sandgrown · 16/02/2019 08:34

My mum was a proper "feeder" and would stretch any meal to include even unexpected guests. I guess I am the same and always buy extra if visitors are expected. I have one set of relatives who I always cater for (pre -arranged) who then tell me the children will not want anything because they stopped at the services and bought them a burger because they were hungry! . The journey is only I hour 30 mins. I am sure they would survive .

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 16/02/2019 08:47

I don't sit down to lunch every day, and neither do my family, normally I'll grab a quick sandwich or have a few snacks. But if someone was visiting me, I would provide food and drinks no matter the time of day. I think it's just manners and being kind to someone that has made the effort to come to you.
But I wouldn't say anything if this is what your friend normally does. I'd just eat something on the way and not make a big deal out of it.

WeeTinkerMonkey · 16/02/2019 08:53

Seems like simple text messaging can sort this.
"Leaving at 8, shall I get lunch on the way or you making sarnies?"
When she comes to you,
"Are you getting lunch on the way or shall I make you a sarnie?"

For friends to be so shy to ask a simple question is so odd.

Babygrey7 · 16/02/2019 09:00

Yes, just ask

But tbh, she is either tight or rude!

Never knew there were people who don't have lunch Grin I learn something every day

Strugglingonagain · 16/02/2019 09:06

Has she replied?

hopeishere · 16/02/2019 09:13

We are not lunch people. Or tea drinkers so I have to remind myself to do / offer both!

Gwenhwyfar · 16/02/2019 09:40

"A lot of people just don’t really have lunch. Especially if there are no children around clamoring for a meal. I just grab a yogurt or granola bar and eat actual meals in the morning and evening, and this is pretty common among my girlfriends."

I've only known a couple of people in my entire life who don't eat lunch. Most people will at least have a sandwich.

However, if people come to visit me, we usually go out for every meal except breakfast. I also live near shops so I don't think 'having food in' is a problem, can always go and get what I need.
I do have breakfast things in if someone's coming because I wouldn't want to have to go to the shop at 7am.

RelaisBlu · 16/02/2019 09:51

WhoGivesADamn your post reminds me of my stepmother who was expected at 12 - 1pm (journey time 3 hours) so I had lunch laid out & ready. At 2pm she phoned to say she was delayed and to have lunch without her so my 3DDs ate and I put everything away, slightly fed up because you go to more effort, don't you than you would usually. Just as I'd finished clearing away she suddenly appeared, saying she had stopped to visit a particular shop but discovered it was closed, hence no delay after all.... and wanting lunch!!

Applesaregreenandred · 16/02/2019 10:01

I'd text something like 'just planning my journey and wondered what plans you have for lunch tomorrow. Not sure if I should stop for snack on the way'

I would also clarify if I was the one hosting as I wouldn't want to have prepared lunch and then find my guest had stopped for McDonalds on the journey.

DoingMyBest2010 · 16/02/2019 10:09

No question about it, yes! We've know have friends who put on "snacky things" for lunch (breadsticks, ham out of the pack, few olives), we always make sure we fill up before we get there....or go hungry.

Sjofn · 16/02/2019 10:33

Another non-luncher here. Can't eat first thing so have mid-morning breakfast then happy until dinner. People with DC do often stop more en route for snacks but I've found the best thing as everyone is so different is communication beforehand, told my in-laws often that I didn't have an appetite for lunch but they didn't get it as they are massive foodies, think 3 main meals and many snacks in between. Would definitely have lunch ready for big lunch lovers or snacks for others after a long journey.

bringbacksideburns · 16/02/2019 12:24

It's a bit of a non issue.

You are good friends I assume as you travel so far to see each other.

When you arrive you just say
" Any chance of a sandwich? I'm starving and haven't eaten!"
Or just stop off halfway and eat.

dontknowwhattodo80 · 17/02/2019 21:17

Was there lunch when you arrived @BasinHaircut ?!

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 17/02/2019 22:17

I'm in the "it's weird" camp too, but I'm imagining your friend's AIBU.

"I eat breakfast and an evening meal (doesn't everyone?) but when I visit my friend she always forces lunch on me. I think maybe she doesn't eat breakfast. I eat lunch with her to be polite, but it's such a waste of time! When she comes to me I don't serve anything but she doesn't take the hint. What can I do?"

AdaColeman · 17/02/2019 22:17

Did she serve you a slap up three course lunch when you arrived OP? I do hope so! Wine

Original poster
BasinHaircut · 17/02/2019 22:46

Hi all.

I text and asked and she offered to rustle me something up when I arrived if I liked, but she obviously hadn’t made plans for any lunch so I just said don’t worry and ate before I arrived.

I do always tell her I’ll sort lunch in advance of her arriving when she comes to me and she has never asked me not to bother.

I don’t mind that I do lunch and she doesn’t, I just think it’s odd to not offer when it’s always a lunchtime arrival.

It’s not a huge deal and doesn’t affect our friendship.

OP posts: