If someone was travelling 3 hours to visit you and arriving at lunchtime......

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Would you automatically make sure you had something in to give them lunch?

I’m going to visit a friend tomorrow and staying overnight. We visit each other once a year, maybe twice, going on a Saturday and coming home on a Sunday. Sometimes alone, sometimes we bring the kids/partners. But it’s a mutual thing and we take turns visiting each other, for the purpose of seeing each other, not crashing at each other’s houses for another reason.

Anyway, we live 3 hours apart and arrival is usually 12-1pm. When my friend comes here I always make lunch or at least make sure that there is food in to offer a decent sandwich or whatever and feed the kids, usually get in some treats such as cake or whatever. It’s always accepted and eaten.

Dinner is usually takeaway or meal out.

However, when I visit friend, there is never any offer of food when I arrive. I’m just sorting myself out to leave tomorrow and I don’t know why but knowing that I’m going to have to take my own lunch has annoyed me. It feels rude to rock up with just lunch for myself but the alternative is take lunch for friend and her husband and kids too (knowing that it will probably not get eaten) or making a sandwich and eating in the car 5 mins down the road before I get there.

I am a big girl and am able to feed myself obviously but is it weird that there is never any provision for guests?

Whether you usually eat lunch or not if you have a friend arriving at lunchtime you prepare food.

Take a Tesco egg mayo and packet of Hula Hoops and go all PA

Christ, are you visiting my friend? Never has food in, last time I “accidentally” missed my train so I could have a decent lunch before I got there. Never has anything for breakfast and no proper butter/milk/sugar. Last time offered to take me out then forgot her bloody purse so I ended up forking out for 5 peoples lunches instead of being treated!

Absolutely, she should sort something out for you. l used to drive over 2 hours to visit my mother, usually arriving just before or at lunchtime.Never got offered anything besides a cup of coffee which l made myself. After the first time l used to stop off on the way and buy a sandwich. My cousin said "hasn't she said "why are you buying things, there's stuff out there to make sandwiches!" " - no. Not once. l have to admit it did piss me off.

I would advise being direct.
"Are you serving lunch- what are we having?"
And if not say please can she get a light lunch sorted (unless you would prefer for all of you to eat out together)

I think I'd be making sure I didn't have anything in for their lunch on the next visit to you. It's annoying when people consistently accept your catering and don't reciprocate.

I’d arrive an hour earlier than expected -they’ll probably just be sitting down to lunch...

FGS, what is it with these people who 'don't think"?

Do they not eat?

I'd be inclined to think that they're either too tight to pay for extra food for guests, or else they just CBA.

Whichever, it's shockingly bad manners.

We have someone coming just to drop something off on his way elsewhere tomorrow, , at about 12, and I've got some nice bacon out of the freezer so I can offer him a bacon sandwich. Or two.

As suggested earlier, just message saying something along hte lines of "I should be there around 1. Will you guys have eaten yet or should I grab myself something en route."

DM is a bit like this. There's always food in the house but she doesn't really do set meals so we have had to learn to just boldly start making meals for everyone ourselves. family though, so it's a bit different. Though, at a good friends I'd say - oh, im starved haven't eaten since breakfast - do you mind if I raid your fridge?

I wouldn't go. Lack of food and drink offered is inexcusable and the epitome of bad hosting.

If you were coming to me, then yes, of course I'd expect to give you lunch, but if I were visiting her and she had form for it, then I'd say something when I made the arrangements to drive there (or, in this case, give her a call before you leave) and be specific and direct - "What are we doing for lunch Will we eat when I get there, or do I need to stop off on the way?"

If I was close enough friends with someone to travel 3 hours just to see them, I'd be close enough to say "mate, any chance you could make sure you've got a couple of slices of bread and a packet of crisps in the house when I get there?"

Eat enroute.

I also favour asking her what time she would like you to arrive by to grab a bite of lunch.

Go later, get something enroute. She is a bad hostess for sure.

I can't understand people like that. She's obviously eating her own lunch, isn't she? And she eats it at your house. What kind of person doesn't get something in for a friend who has travelled to see her?

Some people don't eat lunch generally. Some people I know consider an apple to be lunch and if they have a proper meal at lunch time they then don't want dinner.

Some people eat lunch at about 11:30.

Some people tend to spend any journey snacking and always arrive feeling a bit full and like they don't want to eat any more.

The thing is to communicate. I suggest texting her with "I'm going to need lunch at some point. If you will already have eaten by the time I get there I'll grab something during the journey, or would you prefer we eat together once I get there? Happy either way just let me know."

We're not really lunch people. It's only since having children that I even think about lunch. I work in hospitality so don't get breaks and am so used to only eating one or two meals a day that I would find eating three meals very odd. I just eat biscuits or cake with tea for lunch at home. My friends all know this though so it's not particularly awkward. If I had friends visiting I would probably still ask if they wanted something though.

Why don't you just ask her? Say 'do you want me to have lunch before I arrive or will I be having lunch with you'? She will probably offer you lunch at that point and then the problem is sorted out.

Anyone travelling 3 hrs to see me would be well fed regardless of the time they arrived.

Your friend isn’t great.

God yes, I visited my friend at lunchtime today - she lives 5 mins away and she made me a sandwich!

DH often catches me out at the weekend by asking "what's for lunch?" because it's not something I really think about. But if I've got guests arriving anytime before 2ish I'd always plan to have lunch in.

OMG I am bad lunch friend! If a friend arrived at 11am lunch would be at the forefront of my mind. If they arrived at 2pm I'd offer a snack before dinner. Arriving at, or just after lunchtime it simply wouldn't occur to me to provide lunch. If I'd specifically said 'lunch is at midday' I'd obviously expect to provide it .
I now realise why I don't get many visitors

Crikey, really poor manners. I offer coffee or tea and biscuits to a friend who has driven ten minutes to see me, never mind three hours. Your friend should be asking "are you hungry, can we offer you lunch?" within the first give minutes of your arrival. Really odd too considering she eats lunch at yours when she visits!

Fascinating though - what lies behind this wierd behaviour do you think? Is she one of those people who eats to live and isn't really bothered about food? Does she have to feed younger children earlier or is she thoughtless, lazy, terribly disorganised or is it a money thing? If one of the last four, it would probably be apparent in other aspects of her behaviour?

How odd. The message suggested by Popgoestheweaz sounds good - not too pushy. Or just avoid the issue and arrive a bit later having eaten.