Were you ever hit as a child?

[ribenita]

Were you hit as a child? How has your experience affected your treatment of your own children?

When I was growing up, my mum might give me a smack.
But if I was really “naughty” or annoyed my dad, I’d get smacked with the wooden spoon. Hand out and whack with the spoon across the palm. If you pulled your hand away you’d get another one. If you dared back chat, you’d get another one. Even if you knew you were right, you’d get another whack on whack on whack with the wooden spoon until you admitted you were wrong. Sadistic bastard.

If we stormed off to our rooms, you could hear the drawer where the wooden spoons were held open, and your heart would drop in dread.

I remember once, I was about 14 and he smacked me with the spoon. I grabbed it and whacked him back with it and then ran like the wind across the fields for several hours. He didn’t do it often after that.

You know your punishment from your dad was wrong. Hearing comparison stories isn't going to help though is it?

Can you see a counsellor maybe or talk to someone closer?

My dad used his belt. I was terrified of him. I ended up in violent, abusive marriage just to get away from him. If anyone laid a finger on my children I'd hunt them down and kill them in their sleep. Thankfully my 'new' husband is the kindest person I've ever met.

No, it doesn’t bother me. But, it did ensure that I never smacked my own children in such a way.

That's awful, I'm sorry you went through that.

I'm a 60s/70s child & I was never hit, ever.

I have never hit my own, now adult, children either.

I was smacked by my dad, including across the face

I don’t pull out the ‘didnt Do me any harm’ card because I think it did. I married an abusive man and I think just having been used to living in fear got me there. So it’s not the smacking per se, rather the normalisation of fear and slightly raised adrenaline

I was hit by both my parents but worse by my DF. I was a bit scared of him. It must be a generational thing I guess. Ashamed to admit that DH & I used to smack DD but absolutely not anymore. I was worse than DH. I have had counselling but reckon I need more to deal with the deep seated resentment & also the feelings of never quite being good enough.

I remember him hitting me round the head once ( I was a teenager). And I wrote in my diary that he grabbed me by the scruff of the neck & yelled that unless I bloody well apologised, I would be walking to school. This shocks me now but maybe I was somehow numb to it all back then. My DF is such a kind funny generous man & DD adores him, as do I despite what he used to do. I have never talked to him about it. Maybe I should.

I was spanked and given creative, sadistic punishments. I won't be hitting DD and while I may come up with creative ways to discipline, they won't be sadistic. Less humiliation, more 'you must tidy up your own mess now'...

I was smacked twice. Once when I was 3, and I have no recollection of it but my mother was demented with guilt, and once when I was 16, and to be honest, I had that one coming.

I was smacked no more than a couple of times but it was my Mums hand skelping my backside. My Dad never did as my Mum was a SAHM so was the one who got the brunt of my shitty behaviour and dealt with it.

Beaten rather than 'smacked'. By my mother. The abuse was pretty horrendous. I've had some counselling but for various reasons, usually work, I haven't been able to have a continuing amount of sessions.

I slapped my dd once. It haunts me to this day. The shock on her face, changing to utter hurt and sadness, will never wipe from my memory.

I was terrified of turning into my mother, so I taught her how to ring her Grandad if it ever happened again and told her to always tell, even if it was telling on me. I hugged her and apologised and thank God it never happened again. It never should have happened in the first damn place, but I live with the guilt.

I sometimes pass people on the street smacking their kids and I honestly feel a knot in my stomach and feel like crying. The pain and humiliation for the little ones. It's not right and I think it should be illegal. End of.

If I was a man of 6'4", I'd probably whack the fuckers I've witnessed (usually men). But I'm pretty tiny, so there is fuck all I can do.

I was smacked very occasionally, and whilst I don't consider my parents abusive, I haven't done it to my own children.

My parents were and are lovely people. Just from a different era when different methods were deemed acceptable. Thankfully, they are less acceptable now.

And yes, the abuse, which is probably to be differentiated from smacking, has haunted and blighted my spirit, my personality, my confidence, my entire life. And the relationships I end up in.

Following up from what Dame has said, the abuse is something I remember extremely clearly despite it happening when I was 4 or 5. I have almost no other memories from that time in my life.

Yes, I think nearly everyone in my generation was and if not you were the exception rather than the norm.

Typically it was a belt if it required ‘the worst’ punishment, otherwise wooden spoon or a hand. At school the cane was used freely.

I’m lucky as I never received the cane at school however you can clearly see now that some kids who did receive it would now be diagnosed as SN and require supports so I’m sure it affected them. Then there was just the odd genuinely naughty chancer who got caught and deserved it, doubt it affected them much.

Can’t say punishment at home affected me. BUT that’s because it was only dealt out appropriately. My parents did not lose control when punishing, they were not violent alcoholics, we didn’t get bashed up or punished for no reason. If we were honest with ourselves, each time we had done something to deserve the proportional allocated punishment. Sometimes we weighed up getting caught vs punishment when deciding whether to do something naughty and decided it was worth it to take the chamce. I honestly believe my parents did it believing it was the right thing to do at the time and genuinely believe they believed it was for our own good in regards to raising people to be responsible model citizens.

I’ve never done the same with my kids. Because it’s not allowed, fear of being reported, fear of professional repercussions etc. Do I think the complete swing away from any form of control or authority over kids, which honestly is where most of society is at these days, is positive? Hmmmm

I wasn't smacked as much as I was beaten. This was with implements, bloody noses, black eyes (started at around 5 years old that I can remember), head hit against concrete floors etc. Honestly, it doesn't affect me now as I've had counselling and dealt with it. Plus she's dead.
We hope to have children soon and I will never lay a finger on them, nor will my DP.

Yes, I was smacked. Just smacked, not beaten. Most children were smacked in my day. I didn't think anything of it - I didn't feel abused, and it hasn't done me any harm.

Andromeida I'm sure you'll be a fabulous Mum. My only compass as a mother was to do the opposite of what my mother did. Gratefully, my dd is happy and confident and thriving.

I've seen children whose self-esteem has been badly affected by a parent smacking them. It led to all sorts of acting-out behaviour, hyper-vigilance and anxiety.

There is also research backing this up: e.g.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5771997/

These researchers found "whether children were spanked at the age of 5 years predicted increases in externalizing behavior problems by ages 6 and 8" and "Spanking predicts a deterioration of children's externalizing behavior over time."

It really makes me cross that the law doesn't protect children from aggressive parents who can't control their hands. Especially in the context of divorced families, where court orders force parents to send the child to their other parent's home where they get smacked.

I was caned nearly every day in school, but my mother only ever smacked me twice, under severe provocation. Her smacks didn't hurt but it shock me that I had made her that angry.

I was smacked as a child. I remember it really hurting and having red hand marks for a while after. It made me hate that parent and I really struggled to form a better relationship with them growing up. I will never lay a hand on a child. I wouldn't assault an adult for misbehaving so I'm certainly not going to assault a child.

My uncles got the wooden spoon a few times on the bum, but it doesn't seem to have affected their relationship with my grandparents. They are all very close.

We got the odd smack from Mum. Never from Dad - like a PP, she was a SAHM, and bore the brunt of us (though I must say, we were pretty far down the good end of the spectrum, but even so, kids can be trying).

Do I hold any resentment? Honestly - no. It was smacks, not whacks or beatings, it was occasional, we certainly would have been being deeply annoying, and she was otherwise very loving and caring and motherly. That was just an accepted (if not across the board) method of parenting and disciplining in the late 70s/early 80s.

DH also got the odd smack.

Neither of us, however, have ever hit our kids, and never would.

So as much as I genuinely don't think it did any harm, I obviously don't agree with it. Times have moved on, and I make allowance for that.

In terms of mental health - mine's rock solid. No depression, or anxiety - I have impeccable taste in men (I've never even been dumped by one, let alone mistreated) - and I put it down to a deeply stable, loving childhood with great role models. Luck, really.

Yes the occasional smack when I'd been very naughty and pushed all the buttons. Don't recall it as abusive in any way. Always my mum. 1960s.

My DC got the occasional smack too and don't remember it as abusive.

Certainly never premeditated or eith implements.