Were you ever hit as a child?

[ribenita]

Were you hit as a child? How has your experience affected your treatment of your own children?

When I was growing up, my mum might give me a smack.
But if I was really “naughty” or annoyed my dad, I’d get smacked with the wooden spoon. Hand out and whack with the spoon across the palm. If you pulled your hand away you’d get another one. If you dared back chat, you’d get another one. Even if you knew you were right, you’d get another whack on whack on whack with the wooden spoon until you admitted you were wrong. Sadistic bastard.

If we stormed off to our rooms, you could hear the drawer where the wooden spoons were held open, and your heart would drop in dread.

I remember once, I was about 14 and he smacked me with the spoon. I grabbed it and whacked him back with it and then ran like the wind across the fields for several hours. He didn’t do it often after that.

I think there could be a difference between the odd smack now and then - and daily, routine physical abuse for any minor transgression.
In my house we were smacked daily, but I can count on one hand the times either of my parents ever said they loved me.
The older I get (I'm in my 50s now) the more angry I feel about this. I get it was the 60s and 70s and supposedly the norm then, but I really struggle with the idea that any adult can hit a small child and be OK with it.

Yes I was smacked but was almost lip service compared with what your story OP, and others on this thread.

We didn't have a strong opinion either way when our children were born - I was brought up to believe smacking was the norm so would have said it didn't do us any harm, we'll reserve judgement etc. But since our children moved into toddlerhood our main discipline issue was DS hitting and hurting people. To respond by hurting him felt ludicrous - how will he learn to be gentle if we are not first gentle with him? So I don't think we've ever even come close to hitting them.

However I have friends who did end up smacking as a last resort to deal with their son's behaviour. I don't judge, he's not my child, they are really lovely parents who had tried more or less everything else. And again, it's on a totally different plane to what you've described in your childhood. Had I experienced that, I can only imagine I'd have a more visceral reaction.

I was a child in the 1940s/50s and was never hit. The nearest to it was receiving a slap on the back of my legs from my DM as I ran up the stairs after being really naughty which I only recall happening on a couple of occasions.

Yes, smacked by my dad, on my bum. My relationship with my dad as a result of that was difficult. I made peace 8 yrs ago, with the help of hypnotherapy. He came out of an unloving family, a stepdad who ignored him, a mother who wasn't bothered. No excuse, I know, but it explains my dad's issues with social affairs, and handling his emotions. He passed away 3 yrs ago next week and I miss him, despite his faults. Would we smack our DD? Never, ever.

I was smacked (smack bottom) by my mum when I was 2-3 for wetting the bed and she felt awful about this so much so she went to the doctor. The grandmother of a family next door told her to smack me

I do also recall I think getting the odd smack bottom from my mum when I was really naughty and also from my stepdad - but I can’t recall which did it - only it hurt and although we’d done something wrong it didn’t seem fair. Sometimes my stepdad would smack me and my brother without my mum knowing. My stepdad did actually on one occasion smack my brother so hard it verged on a beating but my brother did push buttons, tease me and wouldn’t stop and on that occasion I think my stepdad lost control and my mum was out. My brother never teased me from that day on a I was about 10, he was about 8. It was within earshot of 2 of our friends who were over though and they were shocked.

I don’t smack DD4.5 at all generally but i have smacked her hand once when she was about to touch a hot kettle after I’d told her more than once not to (aged 3) and also I smacked her hand once after she pulled the cat’s tail so it scratched her - again after me telling her more than once not to pull its tail. She can be really naughty and great at pushing buttons but is better since she’s got to 4 and upwards.

Otherwise I use naughty step.

I had what my mum called 'a flip' a couple of times - a smack on the bum. I can barely remember it, and I don;'t think it's scarred me in any way - it was far outweighed by good memories of a lovely normal childhood with very loving parents. That said, I would never in a million years hit my own child.

Yes. My Mum would literally attack me with slaps, hair pulling, kicking, choking, threatening me with a knife, throwing things at me; plates cans of drink, hitting me with coat hangers or wooden spoons. My Dad rarely hit me but knew what she did and never stopped it. It wasn't about discipline, it was pure temper and abuse.

I've seen children whose self-esteem has been badly affected by a parent smacking them. It led to all sorts of acting-out behaviour, hyper-vigilance and anxiety

This.

I wasn’t smacked often. But enough. I was a very intelligent child and half the time I couldn’t work out what I’d done wrong, or didn’t know it was wrong until I was punished for it.

I used to try so hard to be well behaved all the time, but obviously could never keep it up.

I still have horrific anxiety if I think I’ve made a mistake, and will constantly overthink the situation, what I will say if someone finds out, what I should have done.

I remember my mother chasing me trying to catch me for a smack, and me begging and pleading with her not to.

It has majorly affected my life. I did have a high responsibility job, but the stress of what would happen if I made a mistake was too much. Most of the time I just want to hide somewhere safe away from life.

And as I say, i wasn’t smacked much. I certainly wasn’t beaten or abused. But huge impact.

I was never smacked by either parent but I did get a few whacks at school. It was common back then. One teacher even hit me round the head with a book once and nearly knocked me senseless.

I didn't even tell my parents because I was more embarrassed about being 'naughty' in school and them wanting to know what I'd done to deserve getting smacked up the side of the head by a male teacher with a hard-backed book.

Different times.

Occasionally, but my mother used to give us an 'ask, tell, warn' period first
1)Please dont do that.
2)I said dont do that
3) You do it again and I will smack you.

so pretty much by the time she smacked us (only ever on the backside with the flat of her hand) we deserved it by that point!

I was slapped, on bum, legs, arms, back and face. Hair pulled. Hit with brushes, shoes, brooms anything that came to hand. Had dinners picked up and dumped over my head. All my mum, while she screeched like a fucking banshee, and my dad just used to sit there. This was late 80s, up until I left in 1992. I hate them both, they will never get anywhere near my children.

I have never raised a hand either of my kids, and they are lovely young adults now. I don't see how assaulting a child, (and that's what smacking a kid is - assault), teaches them anything other than that it's OK to use violence on those smaller than you, to make them do what you want. It's a disgusting thing to do to a child.

Yes I was smacked on the bum with hand or slipper when I was little. Not that often, and it didn't really hurt that much. It was mainly a threat - my mum would say "where's my slipper?" and we'd all fall in line.

The other punishment was being sent to my bedroom, which I considered worse!

I wasn't particularly naughty either, I mostly got into trouble for being giggly or cheeky at the dinner table, or for squabbling with my siblings!

I was smacked occasionally, never beaten. I always had asked for it to be fair to my lovely mum. We have an excellent relationship, then and now. I’ve given the odd smack on the bum when pushed over the limit but I know it’s always when I’ve struggled to cope and is actually no help to anyone. I try not to do it but think it is a bit engrained as a reaction to extremely bad behaviour from my childhood. My kids, like I was, are loved and happy and secure in themselves. I’m very confident there’s no damage to me or them but it is a world away from the treatment some kids get. I don’t expect people who have seen or experienced smacking with malice or resentment or intent to harm to understand. Quite understandably. But experiences, intentions, environments and effects can be very different. Though as it can’t really be policed on a case by case level, in order to help the kids that need helping probably a blanket ban is the best policy.

Yes and I’m only in my twenties so not exactly a bygone era.

My mum would do it occasionally out of sheer frustration and with hardly any force. My dad did it more often and I remember having my dads handprint left on my bum more than once! Also remember him being rough with us generally. Sad how memories like that stick in your mind more than happy ones. Probably because of how it made you feel.

I have good self-esteem and would never tolerate physical violence off anyone now. So it hasn’t scarred me in that way but I do think it was revolting and abusive. Should be made illegal IMO.

Smacked yes, but I was definitely quite young and I have no memory.
My DB was about 8 when he was messing around in the car very dangerously and I distinctly remember that my DM told him he'd get a smack when he got home (and he did), and at the time thinking, yes I was smacked when younger but I'm older/better behaved now.
And my DM never smacked him again after that (not sure if she made a conscious decision or not).

The difficulty we have with our DS is that he can be very, very unsafe either to himself (trying to run off) or with others (hurting others); he has SEN, has to take a new medication which he hates doing, and various other things that he does not want to do but has to do for safety etc.
Because he is quite a strong 7 year old, we have to use some strength to restrain him/get him to take meds etc.
And to him, this is painful and I'm sure he feels that we are assaulting/hurting him. It is only recently that he has stopped saying people have hit him or scratched him when they brush past him (i.e. he is very sensitive anyway).
So this is very tough and I fear that he will think we have been/are deliberately hurting him, as to him it is the same and he is only young, doesn't understand the long term implications, and it definitely hurts him.

Dad used his belt quite freely. I remember once falling out with older brother over who was drying the dishes. Next day I went to school with belt bruises from the top to bottom of my legs this was the days of short skirts, brother had the same but wore long trousers.
I have never hit my children and thank goodness my DH is the most kindest, loving man I have ever known.

Even now I'm in my 50's, dad is dead I still remember the fear he gave to the family.

I was smacked occasionally as a child. But honestly I think the things my mum said did more harm than the odd smack (especially as it was the 80’s and considered fairly normal parenting).
As a young mum with few parenting tools I did smack my older children. I hugely regret it now, especially with dd who I don’t now have much of a relationship with. I sorted myself out, got my act together, and wouldn’t do it now though.
I think outlawing it is the right thing. It sends a message that it’s never ok, and should never be an option on the table. There should also be more support for parents though to learn other strategies of behaviour management.

I can count on one hand the amount of times I was properly smacked as a kid (early 90’s/2000’s). My parents were not “smacky” parents, and on the few occasions it did happen, I think they just got over-emotional and lost it. While that’s not ok, I know what that feels like as a parent too.
My mum would give us a quick flick around the butt with a tea towel if she was in the kitchen and we were being cheeky or whatever, but it was always in quite a funny, comedy way rather than out of anger or as a punishment. My dad has always been one of those people where the bark is worse than the bite - all he had to do was look at me a certain way or raise his voice and I knew straight away that I was in the shit. I was never scared of my dad in the sense that I thought he would hurt me, but I was nervous of him yelling at me. I’ve never liked being in trouble with authority figures, it makes me sweat, and I think that stems from my dad.
I don’t smack my kids. I remember once slapping DDs hand away when she tried to reach up to the hot stove when she was about 2, but that was literally a reflex thing to get her hand away as quick as possible. I’ve never smacked as a deliberate punishment. I think it’s completely counter-productive.

I don't recall being smacked as such but parents would lose their temper and assault us. When I was aged around 8, my dad got in a rage with me at a family gathering, grabbed my shoulders and shook me so violently and for such a long time that I thought he was going to kill me. No one intervened. I was in my 40s before I realised that it wasn't my fault and I didn't deserve it. I have a long-standing neck problem/injury that I think goes back to having my head snapped back and forth as he shook me.

So it was more occasional incidents like these than smacking. Makes me very sad thinking about it.

As a child I was smacked twice. I remember the experience and hated it. Neither parents were abusive in any way and my mother only smacked me because she felt she had to because I played truant.

I decided anyway I would not smack my children.

My exH on the other hand suffered adhd and was beaten on a regular basis by his father for his impulsive and bad behaviour, which he didn't himself understand. He said he didn't understand why he was always in trouble. His mother clearly stood by and allowed this to happen. My exH became a violent and bullying teenager.

Soon after we married this behaviour came out directed at me. He could not trust me because of his experiences. Basically if the people you love (your parents) hurt and terrify you and your mother doesn't protect you, then you come to believe anyone you love will eventually do the same. It cripples you emotionally.

Our son had adhd too and was truly a nightmare to parent, but physical punishment was not on the table. On the one and only occasion I allowed my ex to smack him it was a terrifying experience as he just couldn't contain his rage. My son now manages his impulsivity better and isn't in any way violent, angry or bullying.

My H is now my ex. Hitting children is appalling. The people who you love and who are there to protect you, hurt and terrify you. How is that good parenting?

Smacks, threatened with carpet beater and dragged along by my hair.
But then, it wasn't my mum's fault due to her bi-polar condition.
I've never hid my own kids.

My mum (never my pa) rarely smacked me. If she did it was on the back of the legs, and it hurt! If I'd been naughty I'd dread it.

I smacked my DD once, when she had put plastic over her head when we were in the supermarket when she was little. More out of fright than anything else.
Never smacked her again.
DS is special needs and I've never smacked him, although he's always lashing out at us.

'hit' my own kids. But then it was normal in the 70s. A friend had much worse. His dad would give him regular beatings to 'clean his soul'.
Crazy Christian sect!

I was 'smacked' but never beaten. As a memory it stands out in my head as a response to danger...so I ran out in the road and almost got hit by a car. My mother smacked me across the backside for that. I never ran out in the road again.

It never seemed to be as a punishment, more as a warning of pain to come if I blithely ignored her warnings of pain/mutilation/death.

Naughty punishments were more about deprivation of treats and privileges until earned back.

I don't subscribe to my mother's method of keeping me safe, but if I'm honest I do admit it was effective. I'd only be caught doing the dangerous thing once and punished, it was never repeated whereas I'm constantly trying to stop my kids from killing themselves through misadventure!

We were never smacked although our parents were both smacked by their own parents. It was normal where they grew up.

Dh was never smacked either although his brothers were. They don't seem to hold any grudges and often laugh about it

Dh and I would never smack a child.