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Original poster

CF neighbour, but I feel guilty. Sorry it’s long

123 replies

Guilttrippy · 10/02/2019 21:26

Our kids go to different schools but theirs is kind of on the way back from ours if we take a detour.

A couple of weeks ago my neighbour messaged to ask if I knew anyone who could pick her kids up from school and then keep them until 4pm until she got back from work (I think her dh has started a new job). I told her straight up that I would offer but because I work evenings (albeit part time) I need to get home from school ASAP to give kids tea (3 kids) and get ready for work. Picking her kids up (2) wouldn’t be a straight job, it adds a lot of time going to another school. My 2 days off kids do after school activities.

So she asked me about a friend that lives nearby. Now this friend also has 3 kids and one is still a toddler. Her kids also go to my school. I told her it might be hard for her but asked her anyway, and gave her neighbour’s number.

So we come to today, neighbour asks me if I had asked my friend, as now both parents are finding school pick ups really hard and it’s getting very stressful for them both. I’m sure this was a stealth plea to me to help them. I replied that I was sorry to hear that and I had passed her number to friend. Then she asked me for the friend’s number 😳. I don’t know if she’s messaged or phoned her, but if someone hasn’t contacted you, that’s an obvious “no” isn’t it?

A part of me is now feeling guilty for not helping. It’s seems they’re trying to save money and not pay for after school clubs or child minders. I do go that way to pick my children up but I don’t think I’d have the mental strength to deal with 5 kids walking or in my car, and I know it wouldn’t be a short term thing. Also, if you’re applying for new jobs, surely your kids come first and you think about who’ll be picking them up/dropping them BEFORE you accept the job?

OP posts:
BornInAThunderstorm · 10/02/2019 22:47

I did say to neighbour that my friend said it’ll be hard for her. That’s a polite “no” isn’t it?
That’s a maybe, but it will be hard

No sorry is a polite no

Original poster
Guilttrippy · 10/02/2019 22:49

I’ll phone my friend tomorrow and see whether she called or not. I can understand what you’re all saying now. I’m sure she’ll be ok, but yes, I fucked up giving her number out.

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 22:49

You need to be more assertive.
If you gave my number to a person I'd met once at the school fair I'd be livid

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Original poster
Guilttrippy · 10/02/2019 22:51

But I’ve never dealt with persistence like this. Can’t believe at the grand old age of 36 I’m still learning stuff like this. Hindsight is a good thing.

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 22:53

That's how these people get their free shit.
Tell her to find a child minder

Original poster
Guilttrippy · 10/02/2019 22:53

What’s pissing me off now, is that she waited 2 weeks for my friend to contact her. She was waiting on me, yet it doesn’t sound like she even tried to sort out alternative during that time. She hasn’t mentioned anything they’ve attempted to do for pick up. 😠

OP posts:
PennyMordauntsLadyBrain · 10/02/2019 22:54

Be conscious of the fact your neighbour now has a means of pestering contacting your mate for “emergency” childcare as well.

I give it a month before she gets a text begging for a “one off” favour as some other mug has “let her down”.

Shinesweetfreedom · 10/02/2019 22:58

So let your friend know the telephone number your cf will be ringing on so she can block it.

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 22:58

I think you and your friend should block her number.

TaimaandRanyasBestFriend · 10/02/2019 22:58

What’s pissing me off now, is that she waited 2 weeks for my friend to contact her. She was waiting on me, yet it doesn’t sound like she even tried to sort out alternative during that time. She hasn’t mentioned anything they’ve attempted to do for pick up

This is their fucking problem! You be pissed off that she is a using mother fucker who believes other people are there for her personal benefit to enable her to be more entitled to things everyone else accepts they have to pay for.

It's not at all your problem what they will do for pick up. Do NOT do it. 'No, I can't do that.'

Redshoeblueshoe · 10/02/2019 23:00

Don't feel bad, one CF from my GDs school rang me to pick up her DC. I live 8 miles away and I don't drive !

Osirus · 10/02/2019 23:01

Even if I feel very awkward or uncomfortable I always say to someone asking for a phone number that “I can’t give it to you without their permission.” It’s hard and you feel unhelpful but at least you don’t put anyone else in an awkward situation and incur their rage as a result!

If it’s REALLY hard to say no, read the number out but “accidentally” change a digit or two!

Yulebealrite · 10/02/2019 23:03

You'd be raving mad to even entertain this idea. Why would she have thought your friend would do it if she knows the other people living nearby won't?

Pinkyyy · 10/02/2019 23:05

I think you'd have saved all this by being honest and telling her that she's asking too much and that she needs to look into a real solution where she is paying for a club/childminder. At least you now know that she's a CF and can be more prepared to say no to her inevitable future requests.

ThanosSavedMe · 10/02/2019 23:05

Yes massive apology to your friend. I wouldn’t be at all happy if you gave my number out. You should have said no, it is that simple.

When your neighbour asks again, you need to firmly tell her that her childcare problems are not yours to fix. Tell her to look into childminders or after school clubs. And when she pleads poverty or whatever excuse she comes up with, say ‘that’s a shame, I’m sure you’ll get it sorted’ and leave it at that.

pictish · 10/02/2019 23:05

I can’t believe this woman is potentially going to call a virtual stranger and ask her to child-mind for her! What is she on??

Pumpkintopf · 10/02/2019 23:16

both parents are finding school pick ups really hard and it’s getting very stressful for them both

How exactly is this your problem? Please don't let her make you feel bad for not volunteering to make your life harder in order to make hers cheaper and easier!

cstaff · 10/02/2019 23:16

Omg some people have no shame. She is talking about leaving her kids with a complete stranger. Too weird. Your friend could be a murderer or child molester for all she cares.

SparkiePolastri · 10/02/2019 23:40

In my head I was thinking, no one apart from a salaried childminder, nanny or baby sitter will be doing that.

Don't think it - say it out loud!

People always tip toe, and be awfully considerate around the most clueless, underserving people. Why?

Greensleeves · 10/02/2019 23:52

Never mind the unseemly MN pile-on, your friend will understand and accept your apology. You were put on the spot by an unbelievably brass-necked and persistent CF. It's a red herring, stop worrying about it.

CF needs a childminder! What does she think childminders do?! It boggles my mind that people reach adulthood/work/school-aged children with such bizarre views and expectations.

wireswireswires · 11/02/2019 01:08

Why on Earth are you feeling shit?

You've not done a thing wrong.

thebeesknees123 · 11/02/2019 07:32

both parents are finding school pick ups really hard and it’s getting very stressful for them both

Isn't this why you work evenings?

Barbarafromblackpool · 11/02/2019 07:42

Apologise to your friend, hopefully she'll understand and then you two can have a good old bitch about the CF.

TheCanyon · 11/02/2019 08:16

Look up the number of a childminder and pass it to her under the guise of her being a friend that can help. She'll maybe get the hint then.

I look after a friends 3 dc after school twice a week, i offered it for her to save on childcare, she was really nervous when her college days changed and had to ask if it was ok to swap days.

Mummylife2018 · 11/02/2019 08:22

Please show your friend how to block numbers on her phone