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Original poster

Would you end your marriage over this?

112 replies

NameyMcNameChange1 · 06/02/2019 16:19

I went out for coffee with a friend of mine today. We got chatting about holidays and I mentioned that I was going to France with family in summer for a wedding. Which led to me confessing to something that I’d lied to dh about.

When dh and I went out on our first date over a decade ago I thought he was completely out of my league academically and looks wise and felt rather intimidated. For reasons I still don’t understand, but probably because I didn’t think we’d end up married, I told him I spoke fluent French. I cannot do this. I got an A at GCSE so I can fairly confidently ask where the cathedral is and talk about my family but that’s about it. Since then I have made a habit of suddenly needing the loo if anyone starts speaking French on TV and have always found reasons for us not to go to France for family holidays. But it’s never really been an issue and I think if I did in fact come clean DH wouldn’t be too cross, he’s more likely to think I’m just a bit of a div.

It gets worse in that since I found out we were going to this wedding I’ve been going to the local uni once a week to have French lessons. Dh has been coming home from work early so I can do this, I’ve been telling him I have a gym class 😳. Except I’ve been struggling to find time to do the homework. Since new year I’ve been using my 90 minutes out of the house to go to Sainsbury’s, get a crappy magazine, a cup of tea and some pick and mix and sit in my car. Dh is more likely to be pissed off about this as this is me actively lying to him and he’s been coming home early to allow me to do this.

My friend was absolutely shocked and said if her dh did that to her then she would immediately end her marriage. She said he doesn’t have form for lying at all but he knows it is something she won’t tolerate. I know my behaviour has been far from exemplary but I really don’t think dh would be that pissed off with it. I just don’t want him to think I’m an idiot!

Please be gentle

OP posts:
Fiddie · 06/02/2019 18:40

I wouldn't give a fuck about not speaking French but I'd be seriously fucked off about the second part.

I hate liars though.

MorningsEleven · 06/02/2019 18:43

Zut alors!

I'd think you were very funny. Nuts, but funny.

Houseworkavoider · 06/02/2019 18:45

My Dh would just laugh at me! Get it over with and tell him

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Relationship problems
rackhampearl · 06/02/2019 18:53

My DH would find this so funny and gently rib me for abit and then get over it. Just tell him, you're making this all rather complicated. Or just do a Del Boy when you're in France 'fromage frais!! This is good wine' Grin

6demandingchildren · 06/02/2019 18:56

OP I think I'm in awe of you.
What an amazing white lie, but it's part truth, but you really could be my next best friend.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 06/02/2019 19:36

Now that you've told your friend you'll have to fess up. Otherwise she has power over you which she could use for evil Grin

I hate lies too, I'm particularly intolerant of them as I had a DM and DSis who were/are inveterate fibbers, but even I couldn't get myself worked up about this. Tell your DH that you exaggerated your level of fluency when you first met and having got really rusty you were hoping to improve your skills and surprise him. Sadly it's not working so you've decided to come clean.

PLEEEESE can we have a Franglais thread?

🇫🇷 🇬🇧

diddl · 06/02/2019 20:17

Has he said anything about you speaking fluent French since the wedding invitation?

Couldn't you just have either denied it or said that you must have exaggerated to impress him?

What do you think his reaction would have been that your first thought was to take lessons?

ShesABelter · 06/02/2019 20:22

No I wouldn't I'd find it hilarious!

PrismGuile · 06/02/2019 21:15

Of course I wouldn't end my marriage. It's funny. Although would be annoyed about the car time.

Just be bloody honest

Original poster
NameyMcNameChange1 · 06/02/2019 21:15

diddl dh hasn’t said anything about it. The guy who is getting married was round for dinner a few months ago with his fiancée and said ‘we could have used your French skills namey when we were looking at venues. Dh must’ve told him at some point I could speak French. I didn’t deny it and just did a tinkly laugh. I have to tell him.

Hopefully he’ll just find it funny and not be too cross. I’d rather skip the whole bit with the lessons if I can but I know that’s not great either.

OP posts:
marvellousnightforamooncup · 06/02/2019 21:18

You have to tell us how it goes if you tell him.

I wouldn't pack you in. I'd take the piss though.

longwayoff · 06/02/2019 21:25

My employer about ten years ago said to me that he no longer speaks French jn France as language changes so quickly that the French he'd learnt 20+years ago was virtually useless. So don't worry. Tell him if you feel you can. I wouldn't end a relationship over this, its quite endearing and amusing.

Crunchymum · 06/02/2019 21:26

Missing the point but why don't you use your 90 minutes out of the house to do the homework you can't keep up with? Confused

longwayoff · 06/02/2019 21:28

To be frank, he's probably already noticed you're not the linguist you said you were.

RhubarbaraWindsor · 06/02/2019 22:19

@longwayoff My employer about ten years ago said to me that he no longer speaks French jn France as language changes so quickly that the French he'd learnt 20+years ago was virtually useless. So don't worry. That's so ridiculous! Imagine saying that about English. Your employer is also pretending he speaks French.

longwayoff · 06/02/2019 22:37

Fair enough rhubarbara, I'll let him know.

Drogosnextwife · 06/02/2019 22:41

Just start going to the gym so your not lying. Tell your dh you can't speak French, if my dp had told me this when we met and he had just made it up I wpuld probably just find it hilarious. If he was lying and getting me to finish work early so he could go sit in the car and listen to music I wpuld be pissed. Come clean just now.

Surely he knows you haven't been to the gym when you come home and you are not sweaty etc.

RhubarbaraWindsor · 06/02/2019 22:42

Please do. Do you imagine old French films are indecipherable to French people? Actually I just texted my French SIL and she confirmed that's a pile of bullshit.

Iwrotethissongfor · 06/02/2019 22:53

Languages change so quickly it’d be virtually useless wtf?

Agreed rhubarb: “what eez zis old French on zee movie channel I cannot comprends eet”.

OP I think your tale is very funny and I want to sit in my car and eat pic n mix in my child free moments too now. I think your marriage is safe so long (as you cancel your gym class)

pineapplebryanbrown · 07/02/2019 02:44

I suspect your DH knows you can't speak French which is why he gets his friends to mention your language skills. Someone probably told him years ago.

LadyB49 · 07/02/2019 02:54

I'd just say that when I described myself as being fluent it was probably a bit of an exaggeration. That I was hoping to impress.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/02/2019 04:35

Oh dear!
I think I'd have found it funny if you'd come clean before you started skiving off the lessons, but I agree that the whole "pretending to go to the gym but going to Sainsbury's and eating snacks" thing would properly piss me off.

Not enough to end an otherwise happy marriage, unless he's an absolute stickler for truth at all costs - in which case you might be in a bit of bother - but be prepared for him to at least feel hurt that you didn't feel able to tell him the truth before now.

This is also likely to affect your marriage going forward, again depending on what type of man he is - he might bring it up in the future whenever you're doing something slightly dubious, as in "oh is this like the French situation again, is it?" - so be prepared for that too.

You are a tit for carrying on like this though - you should have just come clean when you found you weren't learning anything and couldn't do the homework!

daisychain01 · 07/02/2019 04:56

I don't even think my DH would remember the detail of what I said to him 10 minutes year's ago, let alone hold me to it. Nor vice versa. Why does it even matter?

If your DH is that anal that he'd be bothered by your lack of fluency, and would hold it against you so many years down the line, then I'd worry about him as a person and what he felt was a priority. But hopefully you've blown it out of proportion in your own head, rather than him behaving that way in RL

flumpybear · 07/02/2019 06:28

Tell him you're so rusty it's difficult to keep language fluent after so long - vaguely suggest pwrhapsnyou weren't as good as you thought you were as a younger you too if you feel the need

Loads of people tell little lies, a friend told her now husband many years ago that she had a boyfriend because she worked with him and other people and was tired of always being the single one - when she became close to then now husband she had to dump said imaginary boyfriend - that was 15 years ago and they have three kids and married ages ... he still thinks there was a boyfriend called Jonathan Shock

FenellaMaxwell · 07/02/2019 06:38

The original part I would find funny, but if I had had to leave work early every week for months only to discover it was all a huge lie and you’d been hiding in a Sainsbury’s carpark, I would be furious.

I have to leave work early a few times a week for childcare. I work through lunch breaks, and pick up work in the evenings and it makes my whole day more stressful. If I did that for my DH and discovered he was lying and just eating pick and mix, I certainly wouldn’t find it funny.