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Original poster

Would you end your marriage over this?

112 replies

NameyMcNameChange1 · 06/02/2019 16:19

I went out for coffee with a friend of mine today. We got chatting about holidays and I mentioned that I was going to France with family in summer for a wedding. Which led to me confessing to something that I’d lied to dh about.

When dh and I went out on our first date over a decade ago I thought he was completely out of my league academically and looks wise and felt rather intimidated. For reasons I still don’t understand, but probably because I didn’t think we’d end up married, I told him I spoke fluent French. I cannot do this. I got an A at GCSE so I can fairly confidently ask where the cathedral is and talk about my family but that’s about it. Since then I have made a habit of suddenly needing the loo if anyone starts speaking French on TV and have always found reasons for us not to go to France for family holidays. But it’s never really been an issue and I think if I did in fact come clean DH wouldn’t be too cross, he’s more likely to think I’m just a bit of a div.

It gets worse in that since I found out we were going to this wedding I’ve been going to the local uni once a week to have French lessons. Dh has been coming home from work early so I can do this, I’ve been telling him I have a gym class 😳. Except I’ve been struggling to find time to do the homework. Since new year I’ve been using my 90 minutes out of the house to go to Sainsbury’s, get a crappy magazine, a cup of tea and some pick and mix and sit in my car. Dh is more likely to be pissed off about this as this is me actively lying to him and he’s been coming home early to allow me to do this.

My friend was absolutely shocked and said if her dh did that to her then she would immediately end her marriage. She said he doesn’t have form for lying at all but he knows it is something she won’t tolerate. I know my behaviour has been far from exemplary but I really don’t think dh would be that pissed off with it. I just don’t want him to think I’m an idiot!

Please be gentle

OP posts:
macblank · 06/02/2019 17:41

Sorry, but this is what happens when you lie.

In fact it's a very good example as to why you shouldn't lie, as it gets buggers n bigger n bigger. You start covering up, and looking deceitful.

Just get some fresh pastries in (or whatever his fave cake is) and tell him.

Start with ... I got something very silly to tell you, and I've been worried sick at telling you.

He'll be so worried it's something major, not speaking g french will be a relief.

SlinkyDinkyDoo · 06/02/2019 17:41

Tell him. My husband would laugh his arse off if it were me.

WildFlower2019 · 06/02/2019 17:43

"DH, I have something to confess. You might not remember but when we first met, to impress you, I said I could speak fluent french. I can't. I have been going to classes once a week to learn. I haven't been going to the gym as you might have noticed! I no longer want to take the classes, so I thought I'd fess up before our trip to France in the summer"

Don't mention the car park pick and mix bit for a good 10 years....!

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Relationship problems
entersandman1 · 06/02/2019 17:43

Op I hope you can sort of see the funny side to this! I think the only real problem you have is lying about your whereabouts nowadays - stop doing this and start going to the gym if that's what you're claiming you're doing! If it comes up that you don't speak proper French, just laugh it off and say you used to be better, that perhaps fluent was quite an exaggeration, but you were trying to impress and it was so long ago that you've now forgotten what you did know before. I think your friend is talking rubbish about how she'd divorce her DH over something like that, I bet you anything she wouldn't if she ever actually did find herself in that position......imagine her divorce petition - "the respondent greatly exaggerated his fluency in another language, other than that, he hasn't demonstrated any other unreasonable behaviour." I don't think a judge would even grant a divorce for that!

RhubarbaraWindsor · 06/02/2019 17:43

Your friend would end her marriage over a silly white lie!? Is she always so implacable? I just think it's funny, and if my husband had done similar and then confessed I would just rib him about it mercilessly for all eternity. It could be your DH doesn't even remember you saying it on your first date - in fact unless it's been mentioned since chances are he's forgotten you ever said it. On the grand scale of lies, yours doesn't even register as a minor misdemeanour. Temps de dire la vérité OP.

Bryjam · 06/02/2019 17:45

I think you have shot yourself in the foot by being deceitful about it now. I would have laughed at you telling a daft lie at the start, I would rib you about it every time I got the chance, but to lie about what you are doing now? That shows another side of you that I wouldn't like at all.

macblank · 06/02/2019 17:45

PS
He may mock you for this. It's what us men do. Let him have his tease.

It's not like you said you were a brain surgeon and his life depended on you.

I'm guessing you have no children, or you'd have said about struggling to help with their french

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 06/02/2019 17:48

My God, I told my DH some right shit when we first met. It was 20 years into our marriage he found out I wasn’t a virgin when we met. I explained I had re-virginised myself so strictly I wasn’t lying. Grin He really couldn’t give a rats arse what I claimed I was or could do 30 years ago. Tell your DH exactly what you have told us and stop being a twit!!!!!

importantkath · 06/02/2019 17:49

Hilarious. Your friend is a drama queen.

If I was your DH, I would have a proper belly laugh at you, and tease you forever, you big banana!

WFTisgoingoninmyhead · 06/02/2019 17:50

Temps de dire la vérité OP

GrinGrinGrin

MoaningSickness · 06/02/2019 18:08

When I first dated my now DH I prevaricated and said I didn't have a car and didn't like driving. He then put me on the spot and said 'but you've passed your test?' to which I said 'Yes', despite the fact I'd given up after a few lessons (I felt ashamed to be in my twenties and not a driver, I guess).

Months went by, we became serious, it turned into years, and I faced either lying and keeping up the 'I can but I don't want to' thing for the rest of my life, or doing secret driving lessons...

...so one day we're talking about moving house and he says, 'we could look at somewhere more rural, but you'd have to start driving again', and I man up and squeak out 'Id have to pass my test', fully expecting him to be shocked and betrayed. He looks momentarily confused, says 'oh, I must have misremembered, I thought you had.' Then continued talking about houses.

And now I'm taking lessons with his full knowledge.

So what I'm saying is, it seems like a big deal to you, but he might not remember the details.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/02/2019 18:12

Don’t confess. Just either start going to the gym or tell him you’re not going to go to the gym but you’d really appreciate it if he can keep this routine up so you can have this bit of time to yourself as you’ve really appreciated that.

Then a few days later mention your French is utterly crap now, so hopefully the locals/staff all speak English where you’re going.

I would laugh if you told me about the French, but I’d be pissed of with you lying about going to the gym and instead sitting in the car eating sweets. Not because I’d care about the gym or the sweets, but because you were lying and because ‘down time’ needs to be negotiated fairly. If he gets loads and you get none unless he deems it ‘worthy’ then you need to deal with that head on.

coppercolouredtop · 06/02/2019 18:18

I think this is funny too ....

Cmon op man up. Start the gym, ditch the French lessons and tell him you've forgotten more than you remember.

PerfectionistProcrastinator · 06/02/2019 18:18

OP I’m sorry but this is hilarious 🤣

I read it out to dp and asked what his reaction would be and he said he would laugh and find it funny.

It sort of concerns me that you are so worried about coming clean about it though.

SwimmingKaren · 06/02/2019 18:21

This is hilarious, sorry op! My dh would enjoy the oddness and just laugh and think I’m a bit of a tit but if you don’t want to fess up then just say you’ve lost a lot of it over the years. Hopefully you picked some bits up in the classes you did manage to go to and will get by! Grin

Original poster
NameyMcNameChange1 · 06/02/2019 18:23

I really don’t think dh does know I can’t speak French. My dm is half French and used to speak French to my siblings and I all the time. For some reason none of it ever stuck with me though. Whenever we’re at her house she’ll often come out with one of several French phrases and I generally know what they are so I pass as being able to understand.

I thought with a years worth of lessons I’d be able to pass myself off as being rusty having once been fluent. But I think my poor sleep deprived brain is completely unable to absorb any more information and I am now incapable of learning new things.

I’ll come clean at the weekend when I’ve had a drink. I do feel silly about the whole thing and I know I should have told him ages ago. I’m glad most people think my friend was overreacting though. I know my web of lies isn’t great but I’d never considered dh might leave me for it. I’ll miss my evenings in Sainsbury’s though. Le sigh.

OP posts:
Aquilla · 06/02/2019 18:23

Are you the mum in Gavin and Stacey??

Original poster
NameyMcNameChange1 · 06/02/2019 18:25

I haven’t seen Gavin and Stacey I’m afraid. Did it turn out alright for the mum? Hopeful.

OP posts:
SongforSal · 06/02/2019 18:30

Oh OP. Please update on how he takes it. This really made me smile. Bless ya!

LavateLasManos · 06/02/2019 18:31

Just tell your DH you've been brushing up on tits, he won't care about the French stuff then Wink
Sorry Miggledy but it really made me giggle immature

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 06/02/2019 18:32

God, I told DH loads of little white ones when we were dating, to ‘impress’ him or make him think I was more interesting than I was. I really wanted him to like me. To be fair, he did the same with the odd daft ‘impress the girl’ fib too. Doesn’t everyone embellish themselves a little? Just look at OLD dating profiles for proof of that (old photos, filtered photos, fibs about height, fibs about jobs).

This is just a daft fib that got way out of hand. I’d laugh if you were my DH. As others say, my DH would just think I was a bit of a twit for letting it continue but neither of us would do anything as drastic as ending our relationship over it?!

AnotherPidgey · 06/02/2019 18:33

Je pense que votre lie est tres funny!

Nous a besoin de another franglais thread Grin

J'ai oublié most de mon français et j'etais really bon 20 anées ago.

Mange tout, mange tout Wink

hannah9176 · 06/02/2019 18:37

I honestly find this hilarious. If my husband came home and confessed to this would he ever live it down? No. Would I be mad? Also no.

If he's willing to finish work early for you to go to a gym class he's hardly going to be livid you went to a french lesson instead. It's not like you were pretending to work late or had important appointments.

DonDrapersOldFashioned · 06/02/2019 18:38

Moi aussi, Pidgey

Bonnet de douche

Ribbonsonabox · 06/02/2019 18:39

No of course not that's really funny and actually quite sweet.

One lie is not the same as another, context matters!!!

I do think you should just tell him the truth now though... I'm sure your marriage is worth more to him than you being able to speak fluent French or not.... he will probably be more pissed off about the lies now than the original lie! At worst hes just going to be a bit annoyed that hes been coming home early for something that wasnt really necessary.. at best he will find it quite funny.

Honestly anyone that leaves a marriage over this probably didnt value that marriage very highly to begin with.