Would you end your marriage over this?

[NameyMcNameChange1]

I went out for coffee with a friend of mine today. We got chatting about holidays and I mentioned that I was going to France with family in summer for a wedding. Which led to me confessing to something that I’d lied to dh about.

When dh and I went out on our first date over a decade ago I thought he was completely out of my league academically and looks wise and felt rather intimidated. For reasons I still don’t understand, but probably because I didn’t think we’d end up married, I told him I spoke fluent French. I cannot do this. I got an A at GCSE so I can fairly confidently ask where the cathedral is and talk about my family but that’s about it. Since then I have made a habit of suddenly needing the loo if anyone starts speaking French on TV and have always found reasons for us not to go to France for family holidays. But it’s never really been an issue and I think if I did in fact come clean DH wouldn’t be too cross, he’s more likely to think I’m just a bit of a div.

It gets worse in that since I found out we were going to this wedding I’ve been going to the local uni once a week to have French lessons. Dh has been coming home from work early so I can do this, I’ve been telling him I have a gym class 😳. Except I’ve been struggling to find time to do the homework. Since new year I’ve been using my 90 minutes out of the house to go to Sainsbury’s, get a crappy magazine, a cup of tea and some pick and mix and sit in my car. Dh is more likely to be pissed off about this as this is me actively lying to him and he’s been coming home early to allow me to do this.

My friend was absolutely shocked and said if her dh did that to her then she would immediately end her marriage. She said he doesn’t have form for lying at all but he knows it is something she won’t tolerate. I know my behaviour has been far from exemplary but I really don’t think dh would be that pissed off with it. I just don’t want him to think I’m an idiot!

Please be gentle

I would confess. Tell him you thought that he was above your level and you wanted to impress him, then you were too embarrassed to tell him the truth.

Hopefully he will see the funny side - and even if he doesn't I don't think anyone in their sane mind would end a marriage over something like that!

I would actually piss myself laughing if my DH 'fessed up to this. It is amusing, not something worth ending a marriage over!

No I would not end my marriage over this, but I would be surprised and annoyed, especially the recent lies about the gym. I agree with pp. When it comes up just say that your french is rusty and perhaps you exaggerated when you said you were fluent. Start going to the gym and stop telling lies. and pass me the pick and mix

Just by the by, I once dated an actual French Man from Actual France. He would not tell me what Gainsbourgh's (spelling?) daughter says in some old song. He very rarely translated. I don't know why, he wasn't being rude.

As for you, it's a silly little lie. Fess up, have a giggle.

If my husband told me this I'd laugh and suggest they tried an app to learn the language. It's not like you hid anything important.

But why would your husband think you could speak fluent French? He must have known you hadn't even done it for A level or for a degree. He must have known you hadn't lived there. I think he's the fool for believing you!

Perhaps you are to French what Pam was to being vegetarian in Gavin and Stacy??

@dudsville Is that the song called Lemon Incest? If so I don't blame him for not translating.

He'd think it was hilarious, even the French lessons. I'm less tolerant about lying but I still think I'd laugh it off after calling him a massive dick.

Unless you have fundamental issues in your relationship over trust and honesty, this isn't grounds for divorce.

IF he's a good guy, he should find your fib about French hilarious.

But he won't be as impressed with him taking time off work, and possibly wasting precious holiday time and his employer's understanding, on your lie about going to the gym to cover it.

I'd be surprised if he even remembered you saying you could speak French on your first date! So funny op. But yeah, stop lying, say you are rusty and start actually going to the gym

Yeah, this has been copied from another thread.

Is this some sort of reverse?

Your friends is bat shit if she would end her marriage over a small fib over the exaggeration of the level of french her Dh spoke. She sounds self righteous and not someone I would choose to hang around. Just don't say anything. If it comes up just be vague and non plussed and say you must have been exaggerating and that what French you knew has become very rusty and hopefully you'll pick it up again whilst in France.

She clearly doesn’t value her marriage very much. If my husband confessed something like that to me I would think it was funny.

" I think he's the fool for believing you!"

Perhaps he doesn't?

Hahahaha! This is epic! For what it's worth I was almost fluent in German at 20, I'm not now!

But he won't be as impressed with him taking time off work, and possibly wasting precious holiday time and his employer's understanding, on your lie about going to the gym to cover it.

That's the bit that would piss me off. We have two demanding professional jobs that require us to sit down every few weeks, and think ahead who's covering pick ups and drop-offs, and it all just about works on a knife-edge. If I discovered I had rushed out weekly since Christmas to get home early in order for DH to sit in his car in a supermarket carpark and waste my time, because he couldn't even muster the organisation to keep up his secret language class that he only joined to keep up a ridiculous ten year old lie, I'd be hopping mad.

I think is sort of sweet. The messes we get our selves into !

I think your "friend" is being unpleasant

I can't understand why you continued the lie but this is so funny. You need to tell him thought because your judgemental friend might feel the need to tell him this 'marriage-ending' news

I thought this sort of stupid lie spiralling out of control thing was something that only happened in crappy films because in real life people would just fess up. Obviously not

I'd find it soo funny

Hahaha this is hilarious! Just tell him your French is really rusty now and either start going to the gym or "quit the gym" and tell DH he doesn't need to be home early anymore.

I definitely wouldn't end my marriage over this!

P.S. I wish you were my friend, I would have laughed so hard in your friend's position!

Oh you poor love! Well, that lie grew teeth and hair.
Lord above no, I wouldn’t end my marriage over this if I found out about DH’s fear of inadequacy- because that’s all this is; a fear of inadequacy you thought you’d left behind years ago. How do you right this? What soubriquet said!

German is my second language and I lived in Paris for a few years. Watch me try and hold a conversation now!
It is totally normal and acceptable to be ‘rusty’ if you’re not using the language. You’ve got an escape route there.

In the meantime, your friend is way too uptight. Don’t sweat the small stuff, OP. Really.

For what it’s worth, I totally understand how a white lie becomes an emotional behemoth!