I have loads of ‘free’ time during the day so why do I get nothing done?

[FairlyConstantNameChanger]

Expecting a flaming but posting to see where I am going wrong.

I have two primary school aged DC. I work 2 - 3 days a week but mainly 2. So I have 2-3 days free a week.

I thought once my youngest started school I would get loads done but it hasn’t worked out that way. The house is stil a tip, my idea of having meals planned and organised has bitten the dust and I still feel I am chasing my tail constantly.

Typical day goes:-
School drop off
Home by 9:30, 10 if I have done a food shop
Half an hour to tidy breakfast things, laundry etc
Gym class twice a week which lasts for an hour but realistically takes an hour and a half with travel time etc.
Clean the house once a week on the day I don’t have a gym class.
Start prepping for school pick up between 2-2:30pm as we do swimming etc after school and I often need to make a packed tea.

That seems to leave me only a couple of hours but surely still should be enough to have a tidy house? Then through the day I am doing laundry, constantly trying to declutter, prep tea then before I know it it is school pick up.

The old me with a baby and a toddler who never had time for herself in the day would have hated the current me. How can I have so much time yet achieve so little?

I work full time in a management role, have a DD8 (who I have 5 nights a week), I manage 2 life long medical conditions and I’m on the board of a local charity.

This definitely isn’t a boast post, because I used to be like you. What helped was learning to manage my general stress and anxiety issues. These were causing me to procrastinate and like you spend ages on jobs that should only take 10 minutes.

In general my tips now are:

• have non-negotiable jobs. For me these are that beds get made daily, a load of washing gets done daily (even if only half a load), dishwasher goes on daily.

• meal plan and use your plan to shop once. I do this on a Saturday morning. If DD is with me she helps. She is now helping make dinner on Sunday nights. Monday and Tuesday are activity days. Those days we have quick made ahead dinners that are from the freezer or something like omelettes that take no time.

• use a cloud based calendar for everything and share with your DH. There’s no reason why he can’t pay bills etc. I can’t believe that your child has only just found out about the costume. If that’s the amount of notice the school has given, then you need to speak to the school as that isn’t reasonable notice of something that really isn’t urgent.

• Your kids are old enough to have some small jobs. Expectation at end of play date that toys are put away. Set a timer, everyone does 10 minutes and job done.

• all the other cleaning gets done at some stage during the week when I have time or I’m not exhausted. Sometimes I need to be in bed at 9.

Thanks, I definitely need to get my kids doing stuff, they do nothing .

I think part of my problem is since I work so little (paid work I mean) and the kids are in school, I feel I should do everything and not leave stuff to DH who works long hours. He does most of the proper cooking because I hate it but I feel I should do everything else.

We already share a calendar which is great.

Re. the outfit, it’s actually for a local library thing (had wanted to be vague to avoid outing myself but perhaps I am paranoid!) which has either only just been put on or advertised very late. Have managed to order a costume online and can pick it up tomorrow after work. So not worth complaining as it is for an optional activity at the end of the day.

So the consensus is I am taking too long on jobs? And also out of the house much more than I realise?

You aren’t being efficient with your time - that’s not the same as taking too long.

Being out of the house is fine but just bulk as much of it together as possible. Stop to ing and fro ing.

our world needs people to throw away less

What we really need is people to produce less and buy less. Once you already have some useless item in your home, the damage is done. The materials, electricity, petrol and water needed to produce it are used. People take the "reduce waste" message to mean - buy whatever I want, so long as I keep it stored in my house somewhere.

If you are having trouble getting rid of clutter because you feel bad about throwing things out, remind yourself the damage is already done. Remember that bad feeling next time you are shopping to help you not buy anything.

Not sure if this is part of your problem OP, doesn't seem like it, but it's part of it for a lot of people.

I found that letting myself off the hook and realising that my days off are my days off really helped. I know my DH would certainly not waste his days off sorting stuff out and stressing about not getting enough done so I try to avoid this too. I was/sometimes still am a little addicted to “getting stuff done”. If I did not “get enough done” then I would feel dejected at the end of the day. I realised that much of what I was wasting time doing were actually thankless tasks. So now I do what needs going - load of washing, ironing, admin jobs (prescriptions collecting etc.), walk the dog, then I do whatever I want to do and try to avoid beating myself up about what I haven’t got done. If I choose to tidy a drawer (sort kids art) or something I only do it if I want to, as I have learned that no one else really cares if I do or I don’t. When you have kids another day of work begins when they get home from school so don’t beat yourself up too much.

Good point Buttered.

Totally agree with being obsessed with getting stuff done. I feel like a constant failure with getting stuff done. Thinking about it though, have barely stopped since school pick up so I have always related to the second shift thing when the kids get out of school.

Have had a text from a friend and had forgotten I had planned to meet them for coffee next week. So that is another morning I will not get anything done in.

You will get something done - you’ll catch up with your friend. Life is short OP - relationships are more important than hoovering.

I wish I had people to meet up with I'd gladly sacrifice my stuff to do for it!

Good points, I am grateful for friends, honestly .

jellycat Great advice!!

Re decluttering - do what you can as you go along. If you threw one thing away a day.... that's a huge amount! I might not have time to thoroughly go through everything but I do try and throw away the clutter as and when I can.

The other thing that stood out at me is the multiple times you make the same sorts of food. You need a production line and do it all at once, or do a couple of days at once. Yesterday I made a big pasta salad which will do our lunches for a couple of days.

I do think that there must be an element of children getting older and mentally "relaxing" because you're not always on the go - except you are but in a different way and you just haven't realised it. I keep a to do list on one drive - it's split into daily tasks for the week and then long term tasks. I also have a template that I copy and paste at the end of every week and it includes things like clubs, cleaning, baths etc - I basically put a system together to utilise our time - then when I paste it each week I add in any cooking according to our meal plan plus any appointments etc and hopefully something from the long term list. DH hates the list but admits that it works!

A strategy I try at work and might work for you is having days set aside for meetings (say Monday and Wednesday) and days where I will not do meetings so I can do focus work. As par as is possible of course.

Could you set a rule that you will only (as far as possible) make outside visits/appointments/tasks on the days you will be going to your gym class and if at all possible, do the gym class day the day your kids have after-school activities. This leaves one of your two/three days off to be completely home-based between the school run so will give you more time to do the home-based tasks. It might mean you have one pretty long day, but there will be NO expectation to do any house chores on the day out the house; you could make yourself one snack to have while you're out, or if money allows, treat yourself (you might often be meeting up with a friend anyway so lunch would be a natural thing to do).

It then gives you a day of uninterrupted time, a solid few hours that you can properly attack the jobs and hopefully get some downtime as well! For me it works wonders with work and I put this "rule" as the main reason I'm so productive at work!

I also have an app called Ike which I use to set super quick reminders of jobs to do, so I don't forget/keep putting it off.

Also, you do need to sort out storage by the sounds of it, everything has a place etc and if you don't have a place, buy some storage. Likewise sounds like you need a big declutter as you sound like you have a lot of stuff! Do the declutter first, then assess what storage would change your life. New systems etc, and get everyone on board. Your kids are definitely old enough to start doing some jobs. However! This is not your sole responsibility. This should be a family project. Get your husband doing stuff, get your kids doing stuff, get their agreement to follow new systems. Stop taking on all the responsibility for everything in the day to day running of the house.

I agree that you haven't got loads and loads of time. We have been working on decluttering our house a bit at a time. First of all accept it won't happen overnight. It is a slow process. So we went through clothes first to free up space. Then moved on to cupboards. I try every week to do 1 to 2 hours of decluttering. There is still more to do after a few months of this. But I just remind myself I am making progress.

How far away are the kids’ schools, OP? Surely at primary it should be within walking distance - the catchment areas are usually quite small. Why don’t the kids just take themselves there and back, you don’t need to accompany them?
Mine walked by themselves after the reception year. For secondary school there was a school bus, from our village to the school, so I didn’t do that either.
I’m a great advocate of prepping ahead- I planned a week’s menus and did a big supermarket shop once a week, with no other food shopping at all.
Laundry - just chuck it in the machine, then give it a shake and dry it on radiators, so it doesn’t need ironing.
Make the kids responsible for keeping their own rooms clean and tidy. Teach them to change their own beds once they’re big enough to wrestle a duvet cover.
The rest is down to organisation, motivation and decluttering.
I was working as a hospital doctor while the kids were wee, and DH had died, so I had no spare time at all. I had to be ruthless with time management!

There is an old saying though,
If you want something done, ask a busy person. And that is because jobs do expand to fill the time available. My parents are retired and don't really do anything. Yet my mum is always pottering in the house busily and says she doesn't have enough time to do everything.

Loads of advice here thank you. Love the ideas of making more of a production line of food and of putting ‘meetings’ together in a day.

Babdoc, I’m a massive fan of kids walking themselves to school despite the fact it seems to be frowned upon on MN. However, mine are Y1 and Y3 and I think just too young. Certainly my Y1 child is. For pick up at infants teachers will only hand to an adult. Juniors they are allowed to walk themselves. Definitely an option for the future.

School just under a mile away for infants and just over a mile away for juniors.