I have loads of ‘free’ time during the day so why do I get nothing done?

[FairlyConstantNameChanger]

Expecting a flaming but posting to see where I am going wrong.

I have two primary school aged DC. I work 2 - 3 days a week but mainly 2. So I have 2-3 days free a week.

I thought once my youngest started school I would get loads done but it hasn’t worked out that way. The house is stil a tip, my idea of having meals planned and organised has bitten the dust and I still feel I am chasing my tail constantly.

Typical day goes:-
School drop off
Home by 9:30, 10 if I have done a food shop
Half an hour to tidy breakfast things, laundry etc
Gym class twice a week which lasts for an hour but realistically takes an hour and a half with travel time etc.
Clean the house once a week on the day I don’t have a gym class.
Start prepping for school pick up between 2-2:30pm as we do swimming etc after school and I often need to make a packed tea.

That seems to leave me only a couple of hours but surely still should be enough to have a tidy house? Then through the day I am doing laundry, constantly trying to declutter, prep tea then before I know it it is school pick up.

The old me with a baby and a toddler who never had time for herself in the day would have hated the current me. How can I have so much time yet achieve so little?

Yeah with the artwork pick a fixed number of keepers rather than looking at each piece and deciding either way. Works with toys too...

Dishwasher goes on with breakfast stuff in it before leaving for school. Also the kitchen should be cleaned enough that you don't have to do anything to it when you get back. (Surfaces vaguely wiped and nothing too gross on the floor).

What about the pomodoro method?

I know I sound really negative but I also use the pomodoro method all the time too. I’ve experimented with different amounts of time.

I think if I had a year to myself I would still be in a mess

Are you organised at work?

The other thing to do is just accept it. Some people have mega organised show homes, some people don't. It's ok to enjoy the gym or going for coffee/lunch with friends. Try not to feel guilty that you should be doing more. I would bet quite a lot of money that men who had similar amounts of free time would not over think it in the same way we do. Life is too short to be cleaning and cooking (or thinking about it) all the time. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks fruit .

Tulips, no, I am terrible. To the point that I always answer the interview question ‘what are you weaknesses?’ truthfully with ‘time management’ as I am so bad at it and need to have disclaimed I am shot at it before anyone employs me . I see other people getting stuff done and have no idea how they manage it.

I’m not awful but I really really struggle keeping my inbox in check, managing my time etc. I’ve been lucky and have a job where there is a fair bit of flexibility in terms of organisation.

My child started school in September. My house was never a really clean tidy house. So that was and is my job. It's taken me this long to get a good way into it. I've sorted the spare room. Sorted and cleaned all the kitchen. Which when you put it like this it sounds nothing but it hasn't been nothing since September. Sure I haven't filled every minute and there've been days when I have gone to bed and obviously there's been other stuff to do along the way. The point is it's taken a long time I've not got there overnight. But that's ok

I do have a list.

I am getting there

purpleme, that sounds great

Thank you so much :-)

You’ve got too much transition time going on. All the moving in and out of the house and changing clothes and switching tasks take time.

Each week choose one room and declutter it properly

Then it’s a lot easier to maintain.

Take annual leave if you have lots to help with the larger rooms or ash dh to take kids out on a Saturday so you can do a room then.

Re above I do this every year and it massively helps keep the house under control.

That’s interesting Sushi. For instance tomorrow I have an appointment at 11am for a (non serious) medical thing so it can’t be moved. Appointment is 45 mins is 15 mins at least either side travel time.

So I’ll have about an hour in the house, then will need to leave, have appointment, get back and eat lunch.

Then I’ll have maybe an hour where I will try to declutter, sort admin, laundry etc and then it will be time to start getting tea prepared etc and doing school run.

I just don’t get it. Other parents I know have tidy houses and organised lives yet manage to sit down and watch hours of daytime telly too. I never sit down and watch telly in the day.

I hear ya

For me it's a mixture of procrastination; too many short bits of time where it's difficult to get a big task sorted / it's not worth starting anything new when it's only 20 mins until I have to stop and go out again; too much Mumsnet; and a feeling of resentment that I am spending my free time shredding receipts when DH spends his free time having fun

.

The key to more free time is less stuff. Both mental and physical stuff. Clear out the drawers and boxes, clear out the guilt that artwork can't be kept.

If they bring home artwork or other random sheets of paper, take a photo of it then throw it out!

Pick a kitchen drawer next time you are in there. Chuck it all out on the table. Only put back what you need. Nobody needs 24 tea towels or 54 batteries or whatever else is lurking.

Yes Olennas. I am really resentful of the fact I can’t just sit and relax ever in the day like other people do as there is so much to do.

Ok, I am going to try to get some stuff declutter today. I should be able to find an hour.

I agree, transitions/ changing clothes take longer than you think. Also, you had two hours for gym and shower- that’s 2 Netflix shows and a nice coffee time for someone else! If gym going is your hobby you need to think of it as chill time too. If it’s just “necessary exercise” do it first thing so at least you only need one shower after and have the day free.

Also, look at the tidy houses- do they have more storage? Less clutter? A cleaner? Pick the bits you would like, and recognise limitations- if you all read lots of books, papers, magazines, they will tend to make tables look cluttered- but would you really want to give them up?!

You said that your gym takes 1.5 hours but looking at your schedule it doesn’t, it takes at least 2 hours. And then you were out of the house again from 15.00 until 19.30 so in one day you’re out of the house for over 6 hours - of course you’re not getting anything done. Between being out of the house and prepping for being out of the house you’ve got a full working day before you do anything else. Either accept that you don’t scfually have 2/3 days “off” because you’re not home and availabile to do what’s needed or change your schedule/the kids activities.

I find doing bits and pieces snatched here and there means everything takes longer because I keep stopping and starting. Give yourself a fixed to do one job and then actually do it. Eg make the tea and tidy the kitchen as you go, take laundry out of the tumble drier, move wet clothes from washing machine, reload washing machine, fold and put away dry clothes = 1 job so just do that one job and focus on it.

Things like either bin it as it arrives home (“that’s really lovely sweetheart, let’s swap the new picture for this one” put old one in bin”) it give each child a folder and when it’s full it’s full.

I’ve also noticed there is literally no time for you to rest, catch your breath and relax. You’ve not given yourself time for a coffee much less lunch. I know I’m so much more focussed if I don’t feel like I’m run ragged, I do 2/3 days at work too with some private Client Work on my days at home. I always always find an hour to sit with a coffee and watch some crap tv, read a book or something for me. It means the house might not be pristine, but I feel much better in myself for making time for me. Or, if you’re waiting for kids finishing activities use the time to relax with a coffee and a book, or to gossip with a friend.

Was reading lately about how when you're tidying toys/ books artwork just to mix them all up as opposed to try to sort, only sort it as an actual task for example once every two weeks. I make lists as well, sometimes they work but actually I find more often it's if ( and this is embarrassing but I'll tell you) if for example I pretend I'm on the cube game show (you have thirty seconds to clear the counter), or I think 'What if someone dropped by now). It works a lot of the time as as someone said above, if you know you have time you take longer with tasks. ( by the way I am not an organised person, am rubbish at housework and have four kids but I think this kind of thing is improv i ng for me)

Thanks so much, you’ve all given me a lot to think about.

Tanaqui, it is necessary exercise although I do enjoy it when I am there so I guess a bit of both. I like the classes I go to and after school drop off is super busy in there and you can’t get on any of the machines. So you are right, I will have to reframe that as chill time. Clutter is totally the problem when I compare my house to a tidy house.

jellycats, good point about the gym taking 2 hours plus . Kids activities after school I do accept are a time sucker. I never expect to get anything done after school and don’t mind that as I think it is worth it for them to learn to swim etc. I usually have one child with me while the other one is in their class (classes divided by age) so opportunity to get things done is limited but I do enforce reading / homework at those times. Strangely it is then when I feel I am fairly productive as a parent!

We do have one free evening after school a week (plus another one but I am at work for that). So we have no classes this evening but a friend is coming round for a play date so the house will be a bombsite after that and yet again my own evening will be spent trying to tidy.

I like the idea of trying to group tasks together.

I eat lunch standing up while prepping tea usually. I hate eating lunch at the best of times and only do it because I have to.

I do meet friends for coffee sometimes. Never enjoy it because I am always thinking about the stuff I should be doing. Can’t imagine trying to schedule in a break as realistically the gym has to be my break. Also let’s face it, thinking back to my days of tiny children, going for a food shop on my own or even being on my own in the house is a break!

Oooh mind games stayathomer. I like it .

About the art work - I had boxes and boxes of it and had to downsize.

I took photos of it all and kept it all that way freeing up physical space. Would that work ?

It would take time to do but once it's done you just do it as you go.

I also see how much I can do while the kettle boils - unload dishwasher or load washing machine etc.

I work only 25hrs a week

I need to walk the dog every morning, then I do 1 hr of cleaning

In that 1hr, I run around like mad, do laundry/hoover/dust/clean surfaces etc

By about 10am I have a walked dog and a more or less acceptable house

Doing a daily "quick.shop" is a time waste! I shop once a week or do online shop!

Art work gets hidden, then binned (bar 1 or 2-drawings a year), sports certs get binned, receipts get shredded every time I.see one.

Stop the daily shop, get home for 9 instead every day, do.1hr of ruthless cleaning and tidying, then by 10am you feel in control of your day.

Instead of shopping daily and cleaning weekly, clean daily and shop weekly

Take photos of the art work and chuck it in the bin! I am pretty rubbish at decluttering but have a friend who is brill at it. In the past she has come round and done a room with me. She doesn’t stop until the roo isn’t sorted and bags have been taken to a charity shop. Have you got someone like that in your life? I am in awe of her as she is ruthless!