What things do you see and think are just pretentious?

[SneakyGremlins]

For me it's cafés with "no WiFi here, talk to each other!" signs.

A) I'll probably go elsewhere thanks

B) My best friend likes to sit on his phone anyway because they don't realise mobile data exists.

I just find it so wanky - if I'm going out to spend money on a drink and several pieces of cake then I'm going out to relax. If I want to be on my phone then I will be.

Hardly anything. I love a bit of pretentiousness. Reality and Englishness can be very boring. I love anything new and creative. Lots of things aren't my taste but I welcome all new ideas. If someone called me pretentious I would take it as a compliment; who wants to be down to earth when you can live above the clouds?

"who wants to be down to earth when you can live above the clouds?"

You call it living above the clouds, I call it having your head up your arse.

Online retailers that encourage you to, 'shop the edit' . Wankery.

Middle class people who go on about how virtuous they are for sending their children to a state school so they can mix with a broader cross section of society. No dude, your schools is whiter than a marshmallow. You are only doing it because this is how you afford your biannual ski trip and Tuscan timeshare.

Oh and people who wear different coloured nail polish to the office. A) not cool anymore and b)you have worn a black suit to work every day this week, please don’t pretend that you dress ‘cool’

Food and drink served on different objects in attempts to be "rustic" e.g. Food served on a wooden chopping board and drink served in a jam jar

You call it living above the clouds, I call it having your head up your arse.

Sad to be you. Glad I'm me.

people who wear different coloured nail polish to the office.

What does that even mean? Different on each finger? Different from what?

On pretentious/common, isn’t it just because ‘pretentious’ has a wide and quite vague meaning?

The Doric columns on a house example is a good one. I can see why some would regard that as common and why others would see it as pretentious (and others perhaps as ostentatious).

‘Common’ - in the sense of disapproval - is narrower though. The overlap is because of the adaptability of ‘pretentious’.

NameChanger22

‘You call it living above the clouds, I call it having your head up your arse’

Sad to be you. Glad I'm me

I agree with you on that, you sound more fun too!

Am laughing at many of these , especially the b*stard peacocks

My personal hate these days is restaurants/bars with Tapas plates that are not SPANISH restaurants. Just call them small portions and be done with it.

Loving the peacocks rant. They are pretentious wankers, even peahens can't stand them.

Sometimes people who go out of their way not to be pretentious can end up being the most pretentious of the lot.

But this new fangled food twattery is too much. Food served on bicycle wheels and in nappy buckets. We're over it already.

And upcycled, "Do you like our new upcycled table?"..... Fucks sake Beth, just call it a fucking table.

Oh lordy yes up cycling. Somebody left our work to become an upcycler - I have an image of her raking through people's skips.

Up there along with preloved clothes - they are USED people USED, there's no shame in it

I’m with Klutzy.

There’s much more fun in the here and now than ‘above the clouds’, whatever that means.

Hyphenated names - just why?

I know a Demi-Leigh, an Amy-Lee, a Amy-Mae, a Lee-Ann and (the one that winds me up the most) a Charlie-george. It winds me up because why is the second name "George" spelt with a small g?

People who refer to their cat as their “rescue cat”.

Just say cat. Stop virtue signaling. If you had an adopted child you wouldn’t refer to him as “my adopted son”.

Justhere People do that with dogs too. It’s annoying.

I'm so glad I read this thread. I needed cheering up this morning and the wanky peacock did the job. I rarely cry with laughter but the wanky peacock made me do exactly that!

To add to the list - shops/garden centres/restaurants with their name all in lower case on the signage. 'tulips garden centre' in a cutesy font. It doesn't make you look cool and fashionable. It makes you look like a pretentious twat. Just change the sign to 'twatty tulips'

There’s much more fun in the here and now than ‘above the clouds’, whatever that means.

I don't think ripple that spout that bollocks cruelly know why it means. It's just a thing on Facebook that they share to appear cool, interesting or quirky when in actual fact they've just spent 4 hours playing candy crush and they're only sharing bullshit quotes now because they're out of lives.

Which is another load of pretentious bollocks, Quotes of the day on Facebook or other social media.

There usually a sparkly butterfly or some such and a quote over the top.

"The flower does not think of competing with the tower next to it, it just blooms"

@ShatnersBassoon
Congratulations. You have won the internet today 😂
Funniest thing I have read. Even funnier as I have no idea what I am!

ANiceLentilHotpot

*Food bloggers. I don't need to scroll through pages of witterings about how you first tasted this while overlooking the olive groves with your beloved in Tuscany, illustrated by lots of photos of carefully arranged herbs on a platter, I just want the recipe you wanker."

Couldn't agree more

Silly show-offs in the gym: walking backwards or sideways on the treadmill, doing exaggerated lunge-walks up and down whilst clutching a large weight and getting in everyone's way, performing complicated advanced yoga poses rather than just stretching and all while wearing 80-quid leggings out of Sweaty Betty.
The really fit people are just running fast in any old kit, you poser.

There’s much more fun in the here and now than ‘above the clouds’, whatever that means.

Well we can only live in the here and now. But the present can be either boring, dowdy, mundane, old-fashioned, drab, down to earth. Or, it can be fun, new, exciting, imaginative, bizarre, creative, pretentious and fabulous. Take your pick.

'Tasting' menus

No, no - they're fucking awesome - how else do you get to eat everything on the menu in one go?

I’m with BertrandRussell although I do dislike food being served on things other than a plate (unless it’s soup or custard). Slate, wooden boards, chips in enamel cups or small buckets: Just put it on a plate unless it specifically requires a platter (crab/lobster come to mind).

Why would anyone have a white land Rover? How daft. It will get covered in mud and feathers and look dreadful.
Nothing wrong with secondhand unless someone’s coveted a perfectly serviceable chest of drawers in cut out paper and is charging silly money.
Paper serviettes. Both for being paper and calling them a silly name.
Leadlights set in UPVC are just wrong.

Dogs that wear clothes and are carried.