What things do you see and think are just pretentious?

[SneakyGremlins]

For me it's cafés with "no WiFi here, talk to each other!" signs.

A) I'll probably go elsewhere thanks

B) My best friend likes to sit on his phone anyway because they don't realise mobile data exists.

I just find it so wanky - if I'm going out to spend money on a drink and several pieces of cake then I'm going out to relax. If I want to be on my phone then I will be.

Oh and those places that have 120 different gins and 45 different tonics and assorted accompanying herbs and shit....I just wanted to get a gin buzz and chat to my mates, I don’t want to spend an hour choosing

My meal served on a wooden plank or a slate. Hate it.

Any 'deconstructed' meal, any meal served on anything other than a plate - slates, shovels, bricks - fuck off.

Lordy, Scandaloso, I caused a great fluster in mine once asking for polenta!

#familytime
#makingmemories

@bloodybridget Yes apparently easy to make (that said I've not made myself yet, I am lame!!). I keep breadcrumbs in the freezer when I make them, it does make them easy access and less hassle. Maybe you could do frozen panko for the ultimate freezer convenience??

Modern art and their descriptions. I went to a local art museum last week with my eldest. Omg such wankery! Maybe it's just me and my lack of vision but the most fun bit was sitting in the cafe watching the gulls on the river just outside as they kept floating backwards, almost getting to the edge of the weir and then flying back to their starting positions.

All of the above.

And peacocks. Peacocks are pretentious wankers. Poncing about ostentatiously with their wanky, flamboyant tail feathers and their overly-loud, obnoxious shouty calls. Maurauding about the lawns of large hotels and stately homes, parading their twatty arse foliage.....ooohhh....look at me.... I'm the male of my species....get a load of my MASSIVE WANKY TAIL! NEEE-YAAAAAAAH....NEEEE-YAAAAAAH....... I'm gonna wake you up at the crack of dawn with my massive, shouty poncery! NEEEEE-YAAAAAAAAAH!!!

There used to be a couple of peacocks that used to ponce up and down our perfectly mundane cul de sac in Sheffield, all fucking hard and feathery when they saw a cat or a pigeon..... they weren't so fucking tough when you drive a Volvo at them! Yeah, the feathery fucks used to shit themselves and blunder gracelessly into the horse field at the end of the road when faced with a ton of Swedish steel and an internal combustion engine!

Cunts.

@Bloodybridget stride into your local morrison's this weekend and yell, 'Oi, show us yer panko breadcrumbs'.

groceries.morrisons.com/webshop/product/Morrisons-Panko-Breadcrumbs/213086011

Disclaimer..... I didnt try to run them over.....they lost their nerve when cars got within about 100 feet of them. Chicken shit bastards.

An edible menu hahahahahaha. Ah that made me laugh.

It is small plates of food to give 'a taste'

what about "miracle" ingredients in cosmetics! all bollox mostly. go back to natural source products and harness the miracle of nature for yourself for a fraction of the price without all the added crap they put in

Those wanky menus that are currently everywhere.

Printed card (or pinned to a clip board) with a font that makes it look like it was typed on a vintage typewriter.

Snacks
Barley. Parsnip. Whippet sweetbreads... £7.5
Bear. Beets. Sourdough... £6.9

Family Style

Food bloggers. I don't need to scroll through pages of witterings about how you first tasted this while overlooking the olive groves with your beloved in Tuscany, illustrated by lots of photos of carefully arranged herbs on a platter, I just want the recipe you wanker.

Anicelentil - I totally agree!! so annoying, sometimes you scroll for about ten minutes to reach it!.

Personalised number plates

Electric gates on your drive

Quinoa

Hummus

Having couscous with every fucking thing.

And House names..

Klutzy - I think personalised anything is just a bit weird and pretentious. Some people lap it up though, don't they?

Agree with the OP. I have 2 young kids and occasionally I love nothing more than to take a day off, pop to a coffee shop and be a slave to my phone for an hour and have peace for once. They just don't want to pay for the WiFi!

For me it's wanky A-boards outside hipster bars. "If you bring children in please keep an eye on them or we'll give them a kitten and a cup of coffee" etc. Wasn't funny in 2014, isn't funny now.

Definitely 'curated'...
And the use if the word 'eclectic'
More so when both are used together...

Also waiters who for some reason don't write down your order. I'm not impressed, and I am less impressed when the wrong dish comes out

Loving all these - and the breadcrumb discussion!

The obsession with turning your life into a brand and trying to create envy on such things as Instagram

It's utter horseshit and the online version of the person rarely matches up

Definitely personalised number plates

Some of the posters who post about the more desirable private schools, it's like another world some woman was posting the other day about the merits, in an amused way, of allowing her children to go state and "experiencing rubbing up alongside the bakers boy" or something equally jaw droppingly ghastly, as if this boy would one day become a great anecdote for her son that he'd befriended a pleb.

AND waiters who don't wear a uniform or anything they indicate they work there. Another hipster trend. So I've no idea which man-bun clad beanpole in ripped jeans is supposed to be serving my drinks