What things do you see and think are just pretentious?

[SneakyGremlins]

For me it's cafés with "no WiFi here, talk to each other!" signs.

A) I'll probably go elsewhere thanks

B) My best friend likes to sit on his phone anyway because they don't realise mobile data exists.

I just find it so wanky - if I'm going out to spend money on a drink and several pieces of cake then I'm going out to relax. If I want to be on my phone then I will be.

I hate 'touching base', too. Reminds me of touching cloth.
Personalised number plates, although mystifyingly two people I love and respect have chosen to attach them to their vehicles. Baffling.
YouTubers who refer to themselves as 'influencers'. It makes my toes curl and teeth itch.

"Forever home" really bugs me. It's a house you intend to live in for a long time. Things change. Your forever home is probably going to be your nursing home!

Or, it can be fun, new, exciting, imaginative, bizarre, creative, pretentious and fabulous. Take your pick

Do you understand what pretentious means?
It isn't really like something being fun or creative etc.

"Well we can only live in the here and now. But the present can be either boring, dowdy, mundane, old-fashioned, drab, down to earth. Or, it can be fun, new, exciting, imaginative, bizarre, creative, or we can try to impress people by making something seem far more important than it really is."

Doesn't quite work.

@shatnersbassoon It's not funny and clever when you're seeping into your gusset trying to remember if you're XX or XY.

funniest comment

Protein this and that. You do realise protein isn't new. You do realise you've been eating protein enriched food since you were a baby?

Oh, I love this thread - all the above except avocado, hummus and pretty coffee froth designs - the latter always make me smile. Slates and boards for food - horrible AND old-fashioned now. Personalised number plates - pretentious AND tacky - hate them. All the posing, boasting social media nonsense. ‘Hinching’ - yuck.

@Seahorseshoe
White 2018 Range Rovers How can an expensive car be common?

Because 99% of them are leased.

The fact you can't go into a pub and just ask for a fekkin' gin and tonic that gets served in a NORMAL glass with a slice of lemon and ice without having to go through 25 different gin choices FFS!

Going into a coffee shop and getting asked 'what sort of flavour profile do you want' FUCK. OFF!!!!!! I just want a decent cup of flippin' coffee, shut up your yammering and get it in the cup you wanky wanker!

Starting all their sentences with "So...".

The total over-retrofication of every flipping coffee shop and restaurant trying to look 'authentic' - you can't 'look authentic' - you either are or you aren't authentic (to be authentic surely it must be original, not copied?). Whilst I do like the look of exposed copper pipes, scaffolding planks and metal chairs, but certain restaurants feel like they're just trying too hard and it's edging towards going into an exhibit at Universal Studios, so fake and contrived to 'be' something - eg Turtle Bay - talking of cultural appropriation, that's taking the mickey! I'm sure many of us have eaten in authentic Caribbean restaurants in that country - no one goes to that amount of effort, it's chairs, tables, here's your food - no scaffolding pipes involved at all!

Fucking bastard giant golfing umbrellas and trolley cases on city pavements. You alight on the train platform and attempt to walk forward (for the person is 2 ft away from you) but no, you're about to be taken down by a 2" x 2" trolley case wheeling along at its fullest extension such that you can't see who owns it, they're already up the escalators and on the way to the exit! Pass by a giant gold umbrella and risk having an eyeball ripped out or fall down a storm drain as you fling yourself into the gutter in order to try and preserve your sight.

Yes fucking influencers. Not sure they are pretentious, just irritating.
But that whole pretending to be your best friend to get you to buy stuff your paid to give a good review of.
My normally quite sensible sister in law “well they’ve got pictures of some very famous people who like it so it must be good”

No! No! No! They’ve been paid for that photo

Anything "curated" other than a museum or gallery.

they've just spent 4 hours playing candy crush and they're only sharing bullshit quotes now because they're out of lives

Made my day, that did

And any recipe calling for panko breadcrumbs! Try asking for those in my local Morrisons!
Pablo breadcrumbs are are regular ingredients found in Asda, Tesco, Morrisons etc. Nothing fancy about it. I've some in my cupboard thst I got from the co op and I live in a northern town where we don't do pretentious!!

Jo Malone or The White Company bags/boxes as ornaments to show how fancy you are. I'm going to assume your reed diffuser ran out three years ago and you can't afford to replace it.

Fucking bastard giant golfing umbrellas and trolley cases on city pavements.

I wouldn’t call those things pretentious. But I agree they can be very irritating- the golfing umbrellas much more than the wheely bags.

Even more irritating is people wearing rucksacks on their backs in shops and on trains. Take them off and carry them!

All the xxxxx at the end of very banal WhatsApp chats with people I barely know. They have a tendency to multiply too.

"Is there any homework tonight? xx"
"Read two chapters of class book. xxxx"
"Thanks so much! xxxxx"

Spare me.

BigStripeyBastard

A neighbour of ours had a peahen (as you do) and a peacock from a neighbouring village arrived to woo said peahen. Which meant sitting on our roof (right above our bedroom) and shrieking at 300 decibels every morning at 5am. They met and procreated. The peababy died. Good.

Cunts indeed.

It feels pretentious and fake to me. Maybe everyone just loves it.

@DontCallMeCharlotte - the peababy died??! How could you say "good"??!

“Jo Malone or The White Company bags/boxes as ornaments to show how fancy you are.”
Now, that’s a good example. In my mind that’s not ptetentious-that’s common. This, however, currently flickering not a million miles from my elbow is pretentious.

Poor Peababy

Flairhead

People who say "myself" and "yourself" when "me" and "you" will do. A lot of my colleagues are guilty of this and it does my head in!

Definitely this.

Beetroot as a starter. Why would I want to eat that?

'Artisan' bread - no, it is just bread. And take the great chunks of salt and crispy sprigs of singed rosemary off the top please.

Cupcakes that cost about £3.50 each, that are just basically a twirly pile of coloured sickly buttercream icing with an inch-square bit of cake at the bottom.

Laminated wooden floors. This is the UK. It gets cold in the winter and I don't want to be slipping all over the place in my socks on your freezing floor, thanks. Buy a carpet.

Vegan/vegetarian food that is pretending to be meat or cheese or whatever. Why would you want to eat something that is masquerading (poorly) as the very thing you are trying to avoid eating in the first place?

Handbags with unnecessary dangling tags attached. Especially the ones with a designer logo on.

Jumpers with a tiny woven polo player on them.

@Flairhead

I like to think I’m a very tolerant person. My this makes me ragey.

It’s ‘me’ and ‘you’. I know you’re doing it to sound smart but it is doing the opposite. When I worked in recruitment I used to hear it, from colleagues, all the time. Thankfully in my new career I rarely hear it, if at all.

Perfume adverts. Gaaaahd they make zero sense but are so fancy!